aibu to get upset about kids jumper?

[potpie33]

dont get what has just happened -
dh goes on at son for not wearing jumper to school., then says crossly to me, 'he doesnt want to wear his jumper' . fine, and I agree, but he sounds so critical and then he starts on ds's tie, shirt and everything else - as we are trying to get out the door. is it ok to think if ds gets cold, he'll learn to wear a jumper on his own? (or start critiscing dss dress a bit earlier)

I have asked dh a million times not to turn to me in front of the kids and say 'ds doesnt want to do x' - i think it makes me the arbiter. And what do I do if I dont agree with whatever it is that dh thinks is so dreadful?

Or if I do agree, I havent agreed enough because we still have the row where dh thinks i'm not backing him and I'm not taking responsibility for the kids welfare, that our son 'looks like the poor kid' (where did that come from). Its the same every time, and we are soon having the row where dh works and everything else is my responsibility and he feels like he has 3 children. (ouch!).
That's fine, I can suck up doing all the housework, house maintenece, diy, gardening, cars, kids clubs etc etc for ever boring on, but just sometimes I would like to chat through things together. even if they are about ds and his jumper. I don't get why every converastion leaves me exhausted and confused. I dont get why I listen to dh talking about his work for hours every night, but dh never asks about me, or the kids. If I suggest something like dd mentioned shes uncomfortable with dh wearing boxers that gape at the front and show the top of his bum, he rows and says she didnt say that. err, she did actually. sorry. just feeling a bit...no idea. need a coffee x

He doesn't sound very nice. My ds never wears a jumper, even with snow on the ground but that's up to him. In the last 2 years of primary school he wore shorts year round (again, even in snow). I figured if he was cold he could choose to put shorts on. It's not nice for anyone to have to live with constant criticism.

Thanks dp!
I didnt think it was that bad either! In fact typing it out and your reply has made me realise..it is a lot of critiscm. hmmm

That does sound like a lot of criticism, OP.

If he works and you take responsibility for everything else, how is it that he’s the one who feels like he has 3 children?

It sounds that he just simply won’t take criticism, or perceived criticism, at all, but constantly criticises you, is that right?

It would really upset me to be living with someone that couldn’t even bring themselves to ask how my day had been of an evening.

He cant have it both ways. He either leaves stuff at home to you, or he gets involved in it all then he can criticise your choices. And if he can criticise your choices at home (eg sending a child to school without a jumper) then you can criticise him (urgh why are you wearing those shoes they don't go! Why aren't you wearing a jumper under your suit! Why havent you got a promotion by now? You should be earning 10k more).

Seriously though saying he has another child to look after is quite insulting and belittling of everything you do and sounds like he thinks he is right about everything and his opinion carries more weight like it does in an adult child relationship.

I think you need to have a sit down chat when you are both calm and dont tell him he is always criticising as that will get his back up, say it makes me feel very frustrated when you equate me to a child and not appreciative of everything I do. It is very upsetting when I receive criticism on things like jumpers that dont actually matter and when its infront of the children I dont think it's good for them. It feels to me like you dont think my opinion counts.

Sorry he sounds like an arse. My dp ONCE made a comment about something the kids had done and i hadn't had time to clean it up. He made some piss arse comment. Then spoke over me when i tried to explain the situation. So, i went on strike. I didn't clean up the mess, i didn't put his work clothes through the wash or cook tea. (I fed the kids obviously) and went to bed! He got up next morning to no clean work clothes and a mess he made trying to feed himeself. That didnt get cleaned either. Instead i went out for a coffee. He made a comment- i did even less (with a few pa remarks about how i cant possibly do it because i am useless etc) This went on for 4 days until he realised we are suppose to be a team and a partnership! Sometimes i need help n sometimes he does.
Next time he makes a comment eitger ignite and walk away or respond with, well you seem to know better than me so why dont you deal with it and walk away. Ge will soon get fed up

My DH can be a bit like this and it infuriates me - I try and keep out of it though as he manages the kids and gets them to school. My opinion is that if they are messing and don’t have time to brush hair or don’t have their jumper then they deal with it at school.

Mine are Y3 and Y6 though so might be different if yours have just started Reception and might not be too up to speed as what they need to do!

oh thanks for the support ladies! Its silly but I find I have been in a funk all day, questioning if Im useless and not getting on with anything, (well actually done ironing, cleaned house and had a walk with mates, before listening to kids, making dinner, nagging kids to clear up and nagging kids to get to bed, so actually, I do do stuff.)therefore proving he might have a point.

b and b you are right about taking and giving critiscm. if I ask him to pick up towels or socks we are suddenly having a row.
so, no, I just pick them up (or mostly leave them as I cant be arsed. he is a grown up)
Getting, I will try. I did try, and got a row. will try again.i do begin to doubt my own abilities. luckily it seems my mates are just as crap. difference is their husbands take their kids out at weekends . mine mostly watches sport in bedroom.

More importantly I Dont actually know how to manage it with ds. he was cool, but quite upset later. what do i say???

Cynthia, I think you are amazing, what a great idea! I no longer make his bed etc. and he just lets the sheets slide off until he is on a bare matterss.. he does get tired after a long drive and difficult job, but it is a bit depressing.
thanks Eliza, how lovely for you, they are so cute at that age!but they are just started senior school - which makes me think they can choose for themselves. Dh seems to be worried that people will think they are the poor kids, rather than theyll get cold.

this doesnt sound too good.

@potpie53 at senior school age then it’s their own lookout!

thanks eliza, i think so too!