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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents are being weird?

36 replies

redrobin123 · 01/10/2019 18:31

Mum and dad very kindly look after DC's (2 and 6m) on a Wednesday, as I'm currently on maternity leave they come round or I go to them and we all do something together.

Last week DD1 had a stomach bug (d&v) and they came round no issue and helped out.

I've now caught the bug from DD1, DH is out with mates tonight and knows I'm poorly but my mum has taken umbridge with the fact he hasn't come home to help out, I didn't ask him to as he goes out very rarely and didn't know want to ruin it for him. I've got the same tummy bug running I the bathroom every 5 mins and feeling really ill.

Dad has just phoned and said they won't be able To help tomorrow as he has important business meetings Thursday and Friday and doesn't want to get sick. Told me to ask DH to take the day off.

He's been around DC and me at the weekend as we all went out. AIBU to think he's doing this as they're both annoyed with my husband?

I really appreciate them helping out every week but I genuinely need them this week? What do you think?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/10/2019 18:35

Honestly, I'd be annoyed with your husband, too. You're very ill with two babies at home and he should be there to help you. I don't give a shit if he rarely ever goes out. He's a parent and your family comes first. Boo hoo for him that his evening is "spoiled." I'm shocked that you think this level of disregard and selfishness is acceptable .

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2019 18:35

I think they're being very sensible.

If they've managed to escape the D&V thus far, why would they risk getting it after contact tomorrow?

And if they are a bit annoyed with your husband, I really don't blame them.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 01/10/2019 18:37

They’re your husband’s children, not your parents and his is the primary responsibility if you’re unwell.

Rachelle11 · 01/10/2019 18:39

So you don't need you dh to help but you need them to?

user1493413286 · 01/10/2019 18:40

I can see their point; they aren’t stand ins for your DH.

Dawninglory · 01/10/2019 18:40

You say you haven't asked your husband to come home OP, does he know you're ill? If he does he should cancel his rare night out to look after his children and wife.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 01/10/2019 18:41

DH should take the day off and look after his kids and sick wife.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/10/2019 18:42

It seems as though you think your parents share equal responsibility for your children. They most certainly do not. Perhaps you need to take a good look at how much your husband is actually doing for his own family.

Arrowfanatic · 01/10/2019 18:42

I think they're being very sensible staying away, i would too.

At the end of the day, if you need help it would be nice for your parents to but its not their responsibilty, your Dh should be home helping you. They're his children too.

OrchidInTheSun · 01/10/2019 18:43

Shame that your parents have higher expectations of a husband and father than you do. If you're very ill, your husband should have cancelled his night out.

Your husband can legally take a day's leave to look after your children. He should be

Ambidexte · 01/10/2019 18:43

OK, so your DH has gone out with his mates, leaving you at home with D&V and a baby and a toddler to look after. And it's your PARENTS who you think are acting weirdly and ought to be taking more of the childcare burden?

MrsRufusdog789 · 01/10/2019 18:48

You are being unreasonable and your parents aren't being weird - just sensible .
Why do you feel so entitled to their help that you put a boozy night out for DH above their possible plans ?
Sorry you are ill but your DH knew you were ill and still went out - he shouldn't need to be asked to stay home !

Ponoka7 · 01/10/2019 18:50

Regardless of their opinion of what your DH should have been doing, i think it's sensible for them to cancel tomorrow. Or you're going to be in danger of passing it between you, for weeks.

If possible you should all not go out tomorrow.

Your DH could have had it and you all really need to think about a level of quarantine and thorough cleaning up after being sick, which your DH could have done.

SoyDora · 01/10/2019 18:50

Unfortunately I’m with the PP’s (and your parents). Your DH should be helping you. I’m pretty gobsmacked that he’s gone out with his mates while you’re ill with D&V with a baby to look after.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/10/2019 18:52

You don’t actually need your parents to come tomorrow. Nor do you need DH to take off work. You’re sick, like many parents up and down the country- you’ll manage perfectly well. Your parents are wise not to come when you have D&V.

Fink · 01/10/2019 18:53

YABU, your DH should be looking after his kids. Apart from anything else, he's already been exposed to the virus whereas your parents have apparently dodged it so shouldn't be expected to now come back for more.

flapjackfairy · 01/10/2019 18:54

The thing with elderly people is that they find it hard to fight off tummy upsets and general illnesses. So to be honest I would tell them to stay away myself . I wouldn't want the worry of them catching it .

Dyrne · 01/10/2019 18:57

I don’t think your DH should have necessarily dropped everything to look after you; but as you have clearly decided you can cope tonight without help; then surely you can cope tomorrow without help?

You can’t bend over backwards to avoid inconveniencing your husband but be happy to put your parents out. You’ll have received 51 free days of childcare this past year; fair enough they take 1 week off.

80sMum · 01/10/2019 18:58

I'm a grandparent and I do occasionally look after the grandchildren, though I won't make any regular commitments.

In an emergency, I would look after a child who has d&v or another infectious illness (and risk catching it myself). So, if you're on your own tomorrow with two little ones and you're too ill to look after them, I would help you if I were your mother and you requested help, OP.

But I too would think it a bit "off" of your DH to go out this evening and leave you to manage alone. It does seem rather selfish of him, don't you think?

Bellringer · 01/10/2019 19:03

They could have caught it from dc already. Are they worried about getting sick or trying to manipulate dh? If former that's ok, if latter that's not fair to you. It's between you and dh, but would xpect him to step in if they don't, or make other arrangements. Presume dc asleep when he is out and he won't get bladdered

marvellousnightforamooncup · 01/10/2019 19:05

If I or dc had the shits the last thing I'd do is expect my parents to come over. My house would be on lock down. I've looked after mine before when we've all had it and DH had to work. You manage but it's it's hellish.

Bellringer · 01/10/2019 19:10

Unlikely to be ill on thurs or fri if they caught weds, but more likely to have caught from you when dc was sick. Usually most infectious before and during illness, takes a few days to develop

SoyDora · 01/10/2019 19:16

I’ve got 3DC... 5, 4 and 9 months. When the baby was 3 months old I got norovirus. DH was away for two nights (it happened on night 1). Bar taking my eldest to school for me I told my mum to keep away so she didn’t catch it. DH cut his trip short and came home to help out.

Rachelover60 · 01/10/2019 19:21

I doubt your parents thought it all out like that but I don't blame them for protecting themselves from any sort of bug. Your husband is out this evening but can he help out tomorrow? Please insist.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 01/10/2019 19:21

Also if your dh has a hangover tomorrow, kill him if you have the energy.

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