To not TTC at 41until body better?

[crystabel]

I just turned 41, posted quite a while ago that my husband didn't seem to want no.3 and had really helpful responses. I had to leave the subject then but now after a serious chat 2 weeks ago he has agreed we can't wait and let's try. I am very lucky in already having 2 lovely girls. I am very overweight and have a bad back. Since he said this I have been exercising and eating really well. I've lost a stone. I know trying at my age I am running out of time but the idea of being possibly pregnant like this seems awful for me and baby so I'm leaning towards not ttc till I've lost 3 stone, hopefully around Xmas. Of course every month could be a missed opportunity at 41. My question is do you agree best to wait or try anyway?Any advice much appreciated. I know that there will be some who think at 41 with 2 kids I should not try at all but I have weighed this up and have many friends having children in their forties. Thank you so much x

2 healthy kids and over 40? Personally I wouldn't roll that dice again.

Think very carefully. I had my 2nd at 38 and I'm knackered, despite being a normal weight/no health problems etc. I think you will find another child really tough going. Its not just the pregnancy is it? Its all the sleep less nights, the running around to activities, exercise. I have a tween girl and a really really active boy and i can't imagine what it would be like with any health problems on top..

I think you should consider what's best for the children you already have, and that's not another sibling born to a mum with very serious health issues already. The risks to the baby are bad enough, but what if this pregnancy completely ruins your back and you end up disabled? You could be disabled with a special needs baby to boot. Why can't you be happy with the healthy family you already have?

Wow thank you for all your comments, I'm so sorry to those of you who have had really difficult experiences. It's such a tricky area and I totally get those saying why do it, maybe I am being selfish and greedy. I was an only child and ache for a big family, it's only the 4 of us, no grandparents so I guess I want my bigger family. My bmi is 35. I must point out My back is all muscular stuff I don't have any slipped disc or anything but that in itself can be really bad, the weight loss and exercise are slowly helping though. My husband only agreed 2 weeks ago so since then I've been dieting. I'm prob foolish but thought if I lose 3 stone get to 29 bmi then ttc and if it's meant to be it will. I get hyperemesis so likely will lose 2 stone if I got pg too. My kids would love me to have another but I appreciate would affect them. I think from your comments I'm leaning to ttc from jan after more weight loss and 🤞🏻thank you for sensible advice and words of encouragement xxx

I'd try now and keep exercising. You can still eat healthier and lose weight when pregnant. I have 3 and my only warning is that my body really struggled with the third pregnancy.

Sorry i forgot to say my girls are 5 and 9 x

At a BMI of 35 you’d be being incredibly selfish to TTC. The risks to you and the baby are significant. Recommend reading the chapter on weight in the book Expecting Better. With a BMI over 30 your baby is at a much higher risk of dying from SIDS well after the birth. Not to mention the many risks during pregnancy and birth to your child if you conceive while obese.

It’s far from scaremongering. It’s serious stuff.

I would not be ttc baby number 3 at 41. Your BMI is quite high and even with a 3 stone weight loss your BMI would still be high. You having back trouble and pregnancy won't help your back.

You also have a higher chance of having a child with sn or downs syndrome.
Also with some sn babies it not apparent straight away that they have health issues but over the space of time the child is not growing, feeding, hitting milestones ect. Then you going to the doctors, trying to get appointments with speclists and trying to deal with any number of issues.

At this stage it not just other people are having a baby in their early 40's and I want one. You have 2 children already and you have consider them before having another child especially at 41/42.
If you end up in bad health or have a special needs child how will you cope?
How would you manage as a family if your health got worse or if you had a sn child with high care requirements?

One of my friends has a sn child. She loves children and planned on having 3 children. When her last child had sn she said I have to consider the 2 children I all ready have. It would be unfair of me to have another child.

In your situation I would be happy with having 2 healthy girls. I would keep working on losing the weight as it will help your back out. Also as your girls get older your expenses will get higher so it would be a good idea to put money aside for then.

My kids would love me to have another

Literally one of the worst and misguided reasons to have another baby.

My kids would love me to have another

Your kids would love to have a healthy mother even more. i had an acquaintance who died having number 3, and a friend who’s health will never recover from having her 2nd.
a bmi of 35 and your age is an incredible risk - you’re exiting kids are running a high risk of loosing their mum at least for long stretches of time.

My kids would love me to have another

my kids would like to have loads of things. Doesn't mean I get them .

Also, why do you think TTC with a BMI of 29 is fine? That is still very much overweight.

And have you considered to discuss it with your doctor rather than a bunch of random internet strangers?

I completely agree with @ShiftHappens.

Your are old (fertility wise), unhealthy by your own admission and you already have two girls.

What if YOU had complications during pregnancy that meant lifelong physical affects? Or suffered PND? You don't know how much of a toll a pregnancy may take on you. Let alone the risks of complications for the baby.

I think your priority is the family you are incredibly lucky to already have.

Yabu. Your risk of complications is very high and that’s just selfish for your 2 existing children.

Thank you for your comments whether nice, frank and some patronising. I have indeed discussed it with my doctor who agreed good to lose weight but certainly said nothing particularly alarming like some of you, I'm going to focus on losing weight and getting healthy and review. I appreciate some of you feel very strongly that I am being selfish, hormones are a tricky thing to fight against. Those that patronised me for saying 'my kids would love to have a baby' are just picking and being ridiculously nasty for the sake of it, I never said I was having a baby because my kids want it, was just stating a fact. I just wanted some other views on my situation and have them now to consider....thx guys x