To be struggling with my own kids!!

[SoniasTrumpet]

Jesus, I feel a bitch even writing that title. But I couldn't think of anything succinct enough to describe what I mean.

Name changed but long term prowler. Two kids under five. Eldest just started school, little one almost three. Work three days as a teacher, husband works full time and has a big commute. So morning and after scho drop offs and care is me. I get them up, dressed and breakfasted and to school/child minder and pre school. I then either go to work or come home with little one. Slight background is that eldest was conceived with help via doctors and test tubes and years of intervention, and youngest wasn't. So I feel so incredibly grateful for these two miracles and I love them.... Well words cannot describe. I suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. I just feel like it would be easier to work full time. I don't necessarily enjoy being at home with the kids now. I'm do e baking and colouring in and gluing pipe cleaners to bits of paper. But neither could I work full time. We have no on the spot, regular help. Just me and husband. AIBU to just want to be at work where I have some peace, adult conversations and a piss in peace?!!!

I dread the weekends OP and my daughter is ten. She is lovely but hard work. I can only imagine that three will get easier as they grow up but I wish you luck. I saw a thread on here today from a woman who found her toddler dead in bed this morning so I have been counting my blessings and thinking my worst day with my devil child will always be better than that. I had a better day with my daughter for it as I was more patient than I normally am as I am grateful she is here.

I saw that thread too just after I typed this one up... Felt like a proper wanker

It's relentless at this age! It will get easier. I'm in a similar situation with pt working, kids same ages and it feels a slog.

If youngest is almost 3 you will likely be eligible for 15hours and possibly 30 funded hours of nursery depending where you live. Could you put them in nursery and have a day/ morning whatever to yourself? It's hard when you have no other help

Ah @SoniasTrumpet we all feel the way you do at times but it is good to have a reality check from time to time and count our blessings - don’t feel bad.

I just feel like it would be easier to work full time.

It probably would be! Give yourself a break, OP, parenting isn't a picnic and it's fine to feel overwhelmed at times. As a PP said, will you be eligible for nursery hours soon (assuming you're in the UK)? That'll give you some space.

Would you have time/opportunity to take an evening class, either for fun or to improve work-related skills? Could your DH babysit one evening a week? That would give you another outlet.

Once your youngest is at school, things will change massively so hang in there...I have a teenager/preteen and I sometimes long for cuddles from small children...my two aren't v. cuddly nowadays and they're taller than me.

Its exhausting OP. I work 4 days and am constantly rushing. But I dont think I'd manage being at home all the time either I think it would also weirdly skew my relationship with my husband. I seem to spend all all my time rushing from one thing to another and wishing I was somewhere else. And it seriously erodes my patience. I don't know what the answer is! Other than win the lottery, quit work and still put the youngest in nursery every other day so I have time to myself