To not want to help my son out?

[ihateryansworld]

So a bit of background. He is almost 20 and at Uni. He lives now for the last 6 months with his father who lives in same city as university.

I live with his siblings in a town about 30 mins away. I have him a car for his birthday and pay for his Tax and online game account. Xbox live

He recently said his laptop broke so I got him a new one and it's here waiting on him to collect today. He messaged last night to say he was coming over this am. I said I wouldn't be here as I was taking my mother to a hosp appointment at 12 and she wanted to go to shops first. I said I'd be home at 2 but he was more than welcome to come let himself in (he has a key) if he wanted. (I have food in my cupboards which his father doesn't provide for him)

Fast forward to this morning and I get a text to say a large delivery I was expecting on Thursday is actually coming today and is out for delivery. They can't tell me when it will be coming.

So I ask son could he come over this am and sit in the house in case it is delivered while I'm out with Granny.

He replies that this is his only day off from Uni this week and he had planned to lie in and relax and he's just bought himself fifa so was going to play it! Then sent a message saying if I insisted he would come but really it's his only day off.

I haven't replied because I am so cross and pissed off. I feel he is being selfish. He is literally going to arrive later get the new laptop maybe have dinner then piss off again.

AIBU to think he is still part of our family and we still do things for each other?

Wow. Spoilt, entitled, selfish brat. My parents used to buy me things when I was in the Uni. They expected gratitude from me (and rightfully so!) and I was grateful. I did some nice things to show it, like cooking a fancy dinner, mowing a lawn, helping with something, things like that.

So you've bought him a laptop, all he needed to do - is to come and wait for the delivery of HIS FREE laptop while you'd be tending to your mum. And he couldn't even do that. I wouldn't be giving him the laptop at all, I'd return it and keep the money. He could go, find a job and buy his own.

He's not supposed to kiss the ground you walk on for, but he DOES need to show you gratitude.

He's a selfish twat, which is probably your fault for spoiling him. Stop paying his xbox live and send the laptop back. Does he work?

He does work yes. He's paying for everything else himself. I know he has been spoilt and that's probably what's annoying me most. Being. Mum is bloody hard. I am too soft.

@ihateryansworld now that you know he doesn't appreciate being spoiled make it harder for him to get things from you.
You'll be happy this happen because he needs to mature and appreciate that you don't have to spoil him anymore. That you choose to be a nice parent.
Why should you insist? A very small gesture on his part to make your life easier.
Very naughty.

Why didn't you just have the laptop sent directly to him?

You seem to be a bit of a drama queen.

Do you pay all the amount of maintenance that you should for him at Uni? Parents are expected contribute in most cases.

Yeah I’d have a go at him. Hopefully he will learn and grow up.

Hiddenworlds that is hilarious. I am as far removed from a drama queen as possible.

Yes I pay all his tuition fees so he has no loan. He pays for his petrol and other expenses from his PT job. He also pays his father rent (a small amount)

The laptop was in my house I bought it T the weekend. The delivery was some furniture for my house. (Not flat pack so not something which could be left elsewhere)

The delivery company had said it could come today or Monday next week which doesn't suit as I would be at work.

If I had done that to my parents, they would have withheld the laptop.

I would help my mum out with anything she needs now, at 20 (7 years ago) not so much. I was incredibly selfish, your son seems to be the same but he will grow up eventually.

I would not have cancelled your shopping trip with granny for such a lazy article.

Stand firm next time!