I think i need to get over this jealousy

[Lilmissmissy]

My best friend has just told me that she will be coming off contraception in the next week and will be trying to conceive, which is lovely.

However, i am not going to lie i am so so jealous!
Me and my partner have been trying for 6months and we haven't really told anyone.

My best friend on the other hand is telling everyone, which is her choice i get it but what i find more annoying is her partner cheated on her at christmas. He literally was going to empty their bank account and start a new life with another women. Until my friend found out and even then he asked for a week to think about things. REALLY!! My friend waited about and finally took him back and now likes to tell any person who will listen how fantastic and perfect their relationship now is.

AIBU to have to now listen when i really do not want to how she has finally talked him into having a baby, when inside i am raging with jealousy scared she will catch on before me? I know i sound stupid reading this back i sound silly but i just want opinions. My partner has said its no rush and by the time my friend has gave birth their relationship will most likely be on the rocks.

Her relationship and her uterus are nothing to do with you and yours. She's not even pregnant yet and you're jealous she's starting to attempt it? That's bizarre. You don't sound like a particularly nice or supportive friend, either, with the digs about her taking him back.

Having a baby isn't a competition.
Sounds like she's overcompensating, I'd just try and support her and be ready to be there for her when it doesn't work out for her.

Please dont be jealous she is having an awful time and trying to convince herself all is ok. Its not. Even if she gets pregnant there is no guarantee her marrige will be ok. Your partner is right

Being jealous is one thing OP but thinking and saying negative things about her to make yourself feel better isn't a great look. Your DP saying they'll be on the rocks as a means to make you feel better is just bizarre and unkind? They don't exist to make you feel good about your life and what in your life you are unhappy about. She can tell people what she likes, and do what she likes, as can you. More than one person can try for a baby at the same time so why act as though she is taking your thunder

Maybe they will get pregnant, maybe they won't, maybe they will be 'on the rocks' or maybe the opposite will happen. Come in OP, you need to get a grip of this if it's causing misery- don't be friends with her if you can't because the while thing sounds toxic. It's not nice to gossip and snipe about 'friends' or not be happy for them or hope they fail- address your own issues.

I think your friend is taking a big risk TTC with someone who cheated less than a year ago.

You and DP are a safer bet by the sounds of it. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to have a baby, you stand more of a chance of being a -family- than her and her OH. Best wishes xxx

I have actually sat and spoken to my friend about her decision and she has openly said she is hoping having a baby will make then stronger and i explained that maybe isnt the best reason as to want to start a family and also told her i will always support her.

As bitchy/shitty as i sound as a friend and 'making digs', i am very supportive of her when she had the whole situation at christmas i took her in, made sure i was there to wipe her tears and listened to everything. When she still rings me and asks if i dont mind her staying the night as she needs time away from her partner i always say yes. This is part of the reason why i was surprised to hear they are wanting to start a family.

Thanks for everyones replies.

This is highly irrational. To the point I'd be concerned about my mental health if it was me. You're jealous because you're scare she will fall pregnant before you? Does that not worry you you're thinking like that?

Feel sorry for her instead. She is making a massive mistake, but like most people she wants people to think that she hasn't made a mistake and that they are a strong couple. So she wants a child to show their commitment. Likelihood is, she will end up a single mum. Try and talk to her and get her to see this. He isn't going to stay.

I understand. You're worrying that you may never conceive, and that she will have a baby by her shit DH, who will leave her and you will have to step up and help her parent a baby whilst never having one of your own.

Chill. It's only been six months. You may conceive tomorrow, or the day after, and then you'll be able to see how shallow her reasons are. Just relax.

And you know you are being irrational, but at least you can come out and say it.

I could maybe understand your jealousy if she was actually pregnant, but she isn't, yet. You're jealous of something that hasn't happened? That is a tad irrational...

there is nothing about your friends situation to be jealous of- even if she gets pregnant before you, you wouldnt wish for her life

Why be jealous of someone whose partner humiliated and cheated on them and now wants a baby to fix things.......

I don't think you're jealous I think you're scared she ll actually get pregnant really easily and THEN you'll be jealous

It's irrational but I do get it. I have four kids now but back when I was taking a few months to conceive my second, I had a friend who knew I was struggling and used to say she was trying for a baby and had it all planned out she was having a private c section.
I knew she was trying to make me jealous, but little did she know I'd found out I was pregnant after all,but hadn't told her yet. She was furious and stopped speaking to me for a few weeks.
Yours doesn't sound quite the same situation, where it's on purpose, but I do understand why you feel this way.

I also agree that you’re being very weird. It sounds like you’re almost happy her partner cheated on her because in a way it makes your relationship superior so at least even if she gets pregnant first you still sort of ‘win’. Or maybe you feel like you’re somehow more deserving to get pregnant than she is because your partner hasn’t cheated? Maybe her relationship is great now, you don’t need to be so ... idk. Weird and bitchy about hers? Your relationship and potential pregnancy are in no way connected to hers. Are you sure she’s your best friend? You don’t seem to like her much.

Yes, I have to be honest OP and say that you arent actually concerned about her relationship troubles, you are just using that as a cover for your (irrational) jealousy that she might get pregnant before you do.

We humans are complicated things. As someone who has dealt with weird jealousy flare ups, I'll be blunt (said in love though). Stop watching what she does. Her situation is hers, yours is yours. End of.

Oh no, your friend is one of those. A baby puts a super mega strain on a normally healthy relationship, imagine on a faulty one! She is crazy to think that. One of my best friends, did that, has that t-shirt. She has a lovely little girl, but divorced since the girl was one. I have a 13 month old and a husband with depression. It is very hard, normally, ask anyone!

Billions of women have been pregnant before you. It's not a race.

Are you sure you are mature enough to have a baby?

Hi OP

Your friend is making a huge mistake. I know she may have egst you're desperate for, but babies are so hard work and push the strongest couple apart - if she is already having doubts then this will likely comosh them off. I think she needs your sympathy above anything else

Is there anyone you can talk to? I am not trying to be nasty but I really think you should try and sort out your own thoughts before anything else. 6 months is the average time ttc. It's not indicative of any issues. If its playing with your mind this much, how are you going to cope if it takes longer or if your friend or other friends actually get pregnant or even gave a baby before you're pregnant?

The fact you're jealous is very odd.

Did I just read this right? Your friend sounds incredibly deluded and I'm not one to say horribly nasty things on the Internet or in real life but you do too. Sorry.

And to balance that rather negative comment, I would rather be you OP .

I could be wrong but it's coming across that you are happy to be supportive to your friend as long as she is on a downer with her relationship etc but now she's got her life back on track and planning a family you are not as happy nor as supportive.
That's not really a true friendship and there are some serious jealousy issues here that you should deal with.
How will you feel if your friend has a child and you are still trying to conceive?
I think you should contemplate over what this "friendship" means to you and how much of friend you truly are.