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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a crappy mum

22 replies

CaptainUnderpants96 · 01/10/2019 09:47

Hi all.

I’m a first time mum to a gorgeous seven month old DD. We got very lucky with her as she is normally very happy and content, rarely cries, sleeps pretty well ect.

However, last night for some reason she was fighting sleep with everything in her! She normally goes to bed at 7pm, but last night it was 10:15pm before she finally gave in. After teething gel, Calpol, a feed and about an hour and a half of shushing and rocking her she started to scream because she was overtired. I felt myself becoming very very cross with her and I even said ‘You are really starting to irritate me!’ although I used stronger language than that... I didn’t shout it but I said it quite aggressively. As soon as I said it I had to put her down in her cot and leave the room as I was still very angry and was scared of what I’d say or do.

After taking a few minutes to breathe I felt much calmer and was able to go back in and deal with her in a much calmer manner (she was still screaming when I went back in).

I know it’s normal to get irritated by a baby’s crying, but I still feel so guilty that I got so cross with a little baby. MY little baby who I love so dearly. She was all smiles this morning so I think she’s forgiven me haha but I feel like such a crappy mum. Who gets angry at a baby?? Sad

I’m normally quite a calm/easygoing person and not easily angered, but having a baby has really tested my patience to it’s limit!

Just wondering if anyone else has felt the same way. It would be nice to know I’m not alone in this. Sad

OP posts:
NatureWalk · 01/10/2019 09:51

I think every parent goes through times like this. I know I've got snappy with my kids and then felt awful. Your baby was fine, you didnt hurt her or neglect her just put it down as a bad night and move on.

Pippinsqueak · 01/10/2019 09:56

I'm a first time mum with an 8 month old baby girl who is my world but she's never slept well and we have had many nights where I've quietly called her all the names under the sun, balled my fists into the bed and cried my eyes out.

But what I found helpful is to keep telling myself it's just this one night, tomorrow will be better.

Also they don't do it on purpose, they are going through so much at the moment and it's perfectly normal that they want the one thing in the world that gives them comfort which is you.

You re not alone x

ChilledBee · 01/10/2019 09:58

Completely normal and you handled it exactly right.

GoosetheCat · 01/10/2019 09:59

You obviously love your DD very much. As PP stated every parent goes through this, especially the teething stage. The nights seemed long and loud when my DS was teething. You're not alone OP, there have been times when I felt I have been frustrated with DS and then felt awful. Just chalk it up to a bad night for both of you, give her lots of cuddles and move on Flowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/10/2019 10:01

You didnt get angry at a baby, you got frustrated at the situation. Babies are draining.

Now toddlers....you will get angry at toddlers, they push you to your absolute limit.

You're human, you sound like a loving normal mother, today is a new day on and up!

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 01/10/2019 10:01

I've done this. It's the crying, it really grates. Also you've changed them, fed them, cuddled them, done every bloody thing you can do and they scream at you and you don't know what they want and you just can't help, it's sooo horrible.
You feel awful for them but also the noise Shock Angry Blush

Can you get some earplugs so that you can still comfort her but the noise doesn't get to you as much?
Can your partner help out?

It does get better and when they're talking things are so much easier. Flowers

Crystal87 · 01/10/2019 10:03

You are normal and everyone has felt like this at some point. See it this way, you're not angry at the baby as she can't control her behaviour. You were angry and frustrated at the situation.

Crispyturtle · 01/10/2019 10:05

Since having children, I understand why some people shake babies.

I never did, I hasten to add, but I can see why it happens. Some people deal with stress / noise poorly, some people have had poor parenting models, some people have poor attachment to their children. I am in no way excusing it, but babies will test the patience of a saint.

I have muttered ‘would you fucking SHUT. UP.’ many times, my kids still love me Smile

moodybum · 01/10/2019 10:06

Think everyone has had these moments. Definitely not alone :)

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/10/2019 10:07

Crappy parents don’t put the child down safely and take some time to calm down. You did. You’re not crappy. You handled it perfectly.

bobstersmum · 01/10/2019 10:08

You weren't angry at her, you were frustrated because you'd tried everything to make her better and it didn't work, it makes you feel helpless and that's frustrating. We've all been there.

harper30 · 01/10/2019 10:10

I've been exactly there this weekend, I ended up shouting 'Dd's name stop it!!!' in a really cross, angry voice after she clocked me round the face in the throes of a 1am teething tantrum/screaming fit.
Instantly felt awful like you did, but that's just being a parent, you can't be a perfect person all the time and it's difficult, and everyone has had moments like that.
I think as long as we know that's not our typical behaviour and we know we don't WANT to react like that, we're doing ok.
In your situation of hours and hours of crying I'd make sure she's clean, fed, safe in the cot and then just go downstairs and turn the tv up for 20 mins to just not focus on her for a bit to give yourself a breather. Especially if you have a camera so you can watch her on mute, that's been my sanity saver. Then you can go back up after 15/20 mins with slightly less stress.
Don't beat yourself up!

tangled2 · 01/10/2019 10:11

I was there last night. I always feel guilty too. A fair bit of oh my fucking god just go to sleep!!!

I also can see how parents snap and are too rough. I never would, I know this. But it also scares me that I now understand it whereas pre-baby I couldn't fathom it.

AmIThough · 01/10/2019 10:11

You're not a crappy mom - you're a good mom who had a crappy night. We've all been there, I promise.

harper30 · 01/10/2019 10:12

@tangled2 same here! I had NO idea how someone could shake a baby, pre having a baby 😂 obviously it won't happen/I'd walk away when frustrated but I can see how people can get into that situation.

isthisreallynecessary · 01/10/2019 10:16

Everyone gets frustrated in those moments.

Also, this cartoon sums it up.

RainbowAlicorn · 01/10/2019 10:16

You are not alone in this. I remember one very trying day when my second wouldn't go down for his afternoon nap, I was exhausted felt guilty that my DD was sat downstairs on her own while I was trying to get my DS to go to sleep and I snapped and shouted 'what do you want from me?' I walked away and sat in my room, calmed down a bit and went back into him and managed to get him to sleep, then went downstairs and cuddled my DD. It was the first time I had really shouted at my DS, he was about 9 months old.
I did have this a few times with my DD, but they arent a good comparison to you as I had PND after having her.

MissB83 · 01/10/2019 10:17

Amazed you got to 7 months and never experienced this yet! And no you're not a crappy mum at all. I had this a lot but I did have PND and irritability was my main symptom. You did the right thing, it's very frustrating when they are needy and you are tired and need a break. Today will be better!

scoobydoo1971 · 01/10/2019 10:22

Everyone gets angry with little people at some stage. The early days are exhausting, and it can be easy to get snappy. Crying is torture to the ears as well. You are doing a fine job, and need to stop being hard on yourself. My boy used to cry and cry....I used to feel trapped and with no way out. It does get better as they get older.

Orangeblossom78 · 01/10/2019 10:25

My health visitor said about doing this if it gets too stressful, as you did. If you worry about saying something maybe do it in the other room when you have a break. Also, having some kind of break can be really helpful with this.

December2019 · 01/10/2019 10:29

I can relate to this 100% I have a 9 month old and I'm 28 weeks pregnant hormones are all over the place too!
But he is a really good boy through the day it's just night time when I'm completely exhausted and he just won't sleep!
Sleep deprivation is the worst kind of torture
Sorry for the rambling just wanted to say OP your not alone in this

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants96 · 01/10/2019 18:56

Thank you all so much, I feel so much better knowing it’s pretty normal!

Tonight has been much better, she nodded off with little to no fuss and is now fast asleep in her cot! Not quite sure what got into her last night Grin

OP posts:
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