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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stop giving SIL birthday cards

19 replies

Bluewall · 01/10/2019 08:41

Long story short SIL is pretty lazy (in all aspects of life ) and usually always gives us birthday cards really late (it's been up to 8 weeks before)

She already suggested we stop Christmas gifts between us and then suggested just cards for birthday as she didn't know what to get/ couldn't be bothered. (It's not a money issue)

I still always get her a birthday card and always give it to her before or on her birthday.

This year we were away for the weekend over hubby's birthday. This was her excuse for not giving him his card and when he saw her this weekend she said she will just keep it for his next birthday now.

AIBU if I just stop sending her anything ? The reason I feel bad is I make an effort for everyone else in the family including my own sibling so feel like I would be singling her out but I'm sick of her not bothering with us.

I will still do presents and cards for my nephew (she is just at bad at sending for the kids birthdays but I wouldn't do that to my nephew)

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluewall · 01/10/2019 08:42

And yes is DH sister so really should be his issue but I usually sort everyone else's so to me it's feels like I will deliberately leaving her out.

OP posts:

ILiveInSalemsLot · 01/10/2019 08:44

i wouldn’t bother. Just send her a happy birthday text.

RadarRadar · 01/10/2019 08:53

Yes, just stop - it doesn't sound like exchanging cards is her thing and she may well be relieved. Acknowledging her birthday is the main thing, so I would definitely sent a text.

Totalwasteofpaper · 01/10/2019 08:58

Stop sending them she doesn’t care and you are just winding yourself up

Girasole02 · 01/10/2019 09:05

I always send cards to friends and family, friends children etc and think that it's a pleasant thing to do. However I made the decision last week to stop other than for close family. I don't expect it to be reciprocated but a thank you is nice, rather than no acknowledgement which just makes me feel like a mug. Going to spend the card and stamp money on kindle books for myself.

KUGA · 01/10/2019 09:09

Save the planet and money.
Txt message is sufficient.

RainWoman19 · 01/10/2019 09:16

Sounds just like my sister in law! We dont send cards or gifts for the kids anymore. Maybe a text.

sarahjconnor · 01/10/2019 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellButterMyArse · 01/10/2019 09:31

Of course you should stop sending them. She's evidently not bothered. Honestly, don't feel like you're being mean or excluding her. It sounds like she would probably be relieved: speaking as a non cards person, I would be. I bet she'd rather you spent the £2 or whatever on a bar of chocolate for yourself or something, or a coffee next time you're at soft play.

AJPTaylor · 01/10/2019 09:31

Don't
It's just not her thing. Stop hanging on her sending you cards.

MindyStClaire · 01/10/2019 09:32

It's just a birthday card, don't overthink it. Send them if you prefer to, or don't. I suspect she doesn't care at all either way.

AnnaMagnani · 01/10/2019 09:34

She's your SIL. It should have been your DH's problem from the start.

Just stop. She doesn't care about cards as much as you do. And make DH do his share of the cards/presents from now on.

Ponoka7 · 01/10/2019 09:44

I've asked my Sister for years to stop sending me cards. One, i have cats and they object to cards being put on their windowsills and two, it's out of planetary concerns. But she doesn't. What is the point of cards? When all this started people had nothing and they were a treat, but now a text/FB meme should suffice, unless for vulnerable relatives.

We've finally stopped doing Adult Christmas presents, which we are so relieved about. She put up a fuss but was the only one who wanted to continue. The people with children said we didn't need to buy or them, or it could be a token gift.

I refused to get into gift buying for a former Partners family. I told them well in advance, but they bought for me. The next year i know his Sister was pissed off but i wasn't being forced into it, by way of reciprocal giving.

Just stop, she will be relieved.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 01/10/2019 09:45

I feel the same as your SIL - honestly just can’t be arsed. Send her a birthday text. I don’t actually know anyone who still sends cards or gives presents to other adults. It is a pain in the arse!

WellButterMyArse · 01/10/2019 09:53

It speaks volumes about the bullshit social expectations that are attached to this kind of thing that OP essentially is asking permission to stop. For someone who should never have been her responsibility anyway and who is sending very clear signals that she doesn't welcome it.

NoSauce · 01/10/2019 09:56

Yes I wouldn’t bother, I don’t think she is bothered about receiving them tbh.

Settlersofcatan · 01/10/2019 10:10

I don't really understand the point of a card when you're seeing the person on their birthday and wishing them happy birthday in person.

I have also never given any thought to cards or presents for my in laws. My DH sorts those and it never occurred to either of us that I should take it over when we got married

CookPassBabtridge · 01/10/2019 10:46

This exchange of cards is so pointless. Just send a text!

yellowallpaper · 01/10/2019 10:59

Stop sending cards. It's not a big priority for her and just an irritant to receive them. Just fb or text if you remember. I'm very like her to be honest, and just wish people had birthdays on the same day like Christmas! Save me so much stress.

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