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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is overtaking someone you know rude?

79 replies

SilkClayFlowers · 30/09/2019 20:38

On the school run home on Friday I overtook a woman collecting her Grandchild from the same school. It’s,a tiny school and had I recognised the car I wouldn’t have done unless I was in a rush.

She was going 35-40mph in a national speed limit zone albeit a country road during the last of harvest and all the traffic issues that can bring!

Today at collection her daughter (the school child’s mother) said, “oh you drive the polo, haha my mums not happy with you after you sped by” . She said this in a jokey way but it got me wondering if it’s not the done thing to overtake someone you may know.

I’ve only been driving for just over a year so am still a bit unsure about the unwritten etiquette.

OP posts:
Lulualla · 30/09/2019 22:16

@JellyBook
I live in one of a handful of houses on a country road. If someone is driving at 35, I'm overtaking.

littlemissdynamite · 30/09/2019 22:27

@SilkClayFlowers Who the fuck gets offended at someone overtaking them? Sad twats!

Reminds me (a bit) of when I was walking home from work one day (some 17-18 years ago) and a passenger in a car full of blokes passing me, shouted 'hey, get yer tits out you old slag..' I stuck my 2 fingers up and shouted 'fuck off wanker!' They drove off laughing. That was that. (I was a mother of 2 young kids at this point, and my kids were with DH.)

Fastforward to the next day, and I visited my parents, and my mother went quiet. I asked her if she was OK. She said 'your auntie Liz and cousin Lisa said they saw you yesterday and they were disgusted and horrified by what they saw. Your behaviour was shocking. They said they would never have thought it of you...'' I was like .... Confused

She said' 'you swearing and shouting at a driver in public.' with a Hmm kind of look. (Turns out they had been standing in the doorway of a shop, some 20 feet from me, and heard and seen it all!)

I said 'the van driver called me a slag and told me to get my tits out! So I am not entitled to retaliate?!' She said 'no matter what was said, that's no way for a young woman to behave...'

So at almost 30 years old, and married with 2 little kids and my own home, I was being chastised by my fucking mother, and slagged off and berated throughout the family. Confused

Unbelievable.

This just reminded me of it. Being offended and uppity at something that has fuck-all to do with you, and blathering to everyone you all know about it. Some people need to get out more.

My extended family were not religious or anything, just very fucking judgemental.... Hmm (Especially when it came to me!)

Don't get it so much now, but I think it was a lot to do with me being the youngest of 9 cousins.... (and one of only 3 female.) So I suppose I was meant to be polite and ladylike. Fuck that. I give as good as I get. Hmm

JellyBook · 30/09/2019 22:29

I don’t know why any of us are bothering to comment really since no one but the OP knows what this bit of road was like and she obviously doesn’t think she’s wrong. 😁

Blueoasis · 01/10/2019 05:54

@JellyBook

But she isn't wrong. Just because the other person is incapable of speeding up (or slowing down as it seems as well) doesn't mean that other people are as stupid. The rest of us know how to do both. It's amazingly easy. Hmm

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 01/10/2019 06:04

This is a non-issue Hmm.
If you legally and safely overtook their car there is no problem, therefore no AIBU at all.
Hopefully the girl's comment was tongue in cheek. If not, if they were seriously offended, stuff 'em.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2019 06:31

I always overtake where I can. Some people drive faster than others. I tend to drive faster than the average but not dangerously so. I don’t see why you should trail so slowly on a straight bit of road.

I’m sure the potentially offended mum would rather be safely overtaken by someone she knows than having an irritated tailgater behind her - not that I’m implying you would have tailgated.

The issue is some people are of the mentality they own the part of the road directly in front of them and no one should overtake and take it away from them.

sall74 · 01/10/2019 07:24

Can I just drip feed in that she didn’t slow down for the 30mph villages

They're the ones that really make my blood boil, they just sit an almost constant 37mph regardless of whether they're in a 50, 60 or 30 mph area!!

WaynettaSlobOnTheSchoolRun · 01/10/2019 07:29

I used to drive home on a country road that started as a 30, had a 40 stretch, went to 60 for a while, and slowed to 30 a couple of times for villages. More often than not I got stuck behind wankers that did 37 the whole entire time. Way too fast in the villages and way too slow on the 60. The only safe place to overtake was just before I got home anyway. Gave me the rage. (Ok a bit of mild irritation!) YANBU.

Kelsoooo · 01/10/2019 07:30

I never understand peoples issue with overtaking.

I see dash cam clips constantly on the local travel group I'm on. Of perfectly safe and legal overtakes.

And then I look to see if their cam displays their speed, a recent one was 29 in a 60. That makes a massive difference to someone's day.

Apolloanddaphne · 01/10/2019 07:45

I live in the country and pass cars going 35/40 on a regular basis. That's not why the OP was asking about though, she wants to know if it is odd to overtake some one you know. The answer is no, you can overtake whoever you want.

Ludways · 01/10/2019 07:48

It's the type of thing I wouldn't remember I'd done or had done to me beyond the minute it happened. How weird she'd be offended.

Original poster
SilkClayFlowers · 01/10/2019 07:50

Haha, I never got the piss boiling rage against the 37-40mph drivers till I passed my test and got stuck behind the ‘lovely country drive’ people whilst trying to make it to school in good time!

OP posts:
penmanship · 01/10/2019 07:51

@Vulpine you sound like someone who gets annoyed by overtakers. Can you explain why that is, as (as long as it’s done safely and legally) I genuinely don’t get why it’s a problem?

Instatwat · 01/10/2019 07:54

@Vulpine did you think the OP and the person she overtook were both on their way to school? That wasn’t the case, she was on her way home and the kid said something the next day.

Vulpine · 01/10/2019 07:59

I just dont see why everyone has to drive around in a mad rush. The op obviously doesnt think she was bu, was just posting for support from like minded pps. I dont get riled up by the same things the op does. Been driving for years.

Willow2017 · 01/10/2019 08:09

Doing over 35 in a 60 road isn't driving around in a mad rush!

Op had every right to overtake anyone on a straight bit of road.
The woman is nuts she doesn't own the road nor is she so important that people have to.trail along behind her.

NearlyGranny · 01/10/2019 08:14

Her daughter may well have been doing an eye-rolling, 'my mum - she never looks at speed limits but thinks she owns the road,' moment with you. I think it very likely! She may well already have reservations about allowing her children to travel in a vehicle driven by someone who trundled on at 40mph regardless of conditions and whether the signs say 30 or 60!

I wouldn't give it another thought. Her DM must be grumbling about being overtaken every day. Wait till she gets pulled over for doing 40 in a 30 zone and cops a fine - she'll be apoplectic!

Unknownanon · 01/10/2019 08:14

Very poor driving from the other driver then to not slow down for the 30mph villages, obviously not paying any attention at all. Dangerous.

If you get any more comments, I'd be tempted to point out you were driving legally and safely and her mother wasn't with her kids in the car!

I'm not surprised you overtook her. Aside from getting to where you needed to in good time, i wouldn't want to be stuck behind an inattentive bad driver like that. Especially one who moans you overtake, which is safe, but speeds through 30mph zones!

loutypips · 01/10/2019 08:15

You should've said 'oh I didn't realise it was your mum, thought it was someone really old due to the shit driving, maybe it's time for her to give up her licence?'
But I'm mean, hehe!
I hate 40mph drivers. My real bugbear, they think they are being so good not speeding, but don't care when the limit is 20, or 30.

KUGA · 01/10/2019 08:18

If its safe to overtake no harm done. Personally I hate slow drivers and they can be a danger. 35mph in a 60mph is stupidity at its best.

Noroof · 01/10/2019 08:19

Don't know if you were being reckless or acceptable but you should drive to the road not to whatever you're rushing for if you see what I mean. She sounds like she was going too slow but you should have been prepared to miss the kids dad if it meant you were perhaps taking chances

MsChatterbox · 01/10/2019 08:30

So many people get offended at being overtaken. I overtook someone going 20 in a 40. They had a sign in the back window saying slow moving vehicle. So I knew they would remain at 20 and overtook (straight road no cars). They beeped at me and when I looked in my rear view I could see a look of disgust on their face lol!!

Fisharesexierthanme · 01/10/2019 08:30

I can't believe the posters here suggesting that there is anything wrong with or dangerous about overtaking an unreasonably slow driver. I choose to accept the OP as I have no reason to question their version. It was a straight section of road. It was a perfectly safe place in which to perform an entirely legal and safe overtaking manoeuvre. No OP, there is nothing wrong with overtaking someone you know if their driving causes you to be in the position where overtaking is reasonable.

italianfiat · 01/10/2019 08:32

I should have said the daughter was lovely and completely jokey about

No she wasn't. If she was that lovely she wouldn't have said anything. She mentioned it to you for a reason. Her mum told her and she felt the need to raise it. Don't be fooled by her talking to you nicely.

And there is nothing wrong with overtaking people you know, or sort of know, if it is safe to do so.

Ponoka7 · 01/10/2019 08:32

loutypips
"You should've said 'oh I didn't realise it was your mum, thought it was someone really old due to the shit driving, maybe it's time for her to give up her licence?'"

Nice bit of ageism. Old=shit driving? The statistics don't bear that out.

How would you like it if it was said" i didn't realise it was your Dad, i thought by the shit driving it was a Woman".

Study the upcoming winter accidents and the ages of those causing them and lose your bigotry.

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