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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a wedding one

23 replies

Fluffsmum · 30/09/2019 18:59

Aibu to only rsvp for me and DH and decline the kids?

Sister getting married next year, she's asked if DCs will be in the wedding party. I've said thanks but chances are they'll cry/ leg it/ play up due to the crowd (they're 1 and 3) does she really want that. She's got kids of her own so not an idiot about those things so is going to think about it.

The more I think about it, the more I don't want to take them at all. There'll only be around 8 kids there, all of wildly different ages (15-1) and I feel I won't be able to relax or let my hair down.

DC have another set of wonderful grandparents who love having them and who I know they'd be happy and safe with. Do I just tell Dsis I'll have a better time without them and not bring them?

OP posts:
moobar · 30/09/2019 19:04

Could a sort of compromise be that they are part of the bridal party and then they leave maybe before the meal? Or if you are happy with it after an hour of the dance or something like that? Then you get evening and overnight stress free but they are there for the wedding.

TamarindCove · 30/09/2019 19:04

We took our child to the ceremony in similar circumstances then had her picked up and look after by grandparents whilst we enjoyed the rest of the day/night.

HotChocWithCream · 30/09/2019 19:10

I agree with previous posters. Have them there for the event and some lovely family photos then have them picked up whilst you enjoy the meal/evening party.

Original poster
Fluffsmum · 30/09/2019 19:16

It'd be a 6 hour round trip for the in-laws, so not a goer to do a half and half.

OP posts:
Vulpine · 30/09/2019 19:22

Well yours is the opposite of most wedding/kid threads where posters complain kids aren't allowed

Original poster
Fluffsmum · 30/09/2019 19:24

Vulpine I know!

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 30/09/2019 19:27

This isn't a proper wedding thread.

The children are invited.
The OP has actually spoken to the bride about the potential problem.
Noone has sulked dramatically after the conversation.
The OP seems to rate their PILs as grandparents.

I think this is every AIBU convention broken. How dare you?

SnuggyBuggy · 30/09/2019 19:31

It's perfectly fine to choose to "let your hair down" Grin and go to a wedding without the kids

DeadButDelicious · 30/09/2019 19:31

I'd let the kids have a lovely weekend being spoilt by their grandparents and go and enjoy the wedding without having to worry about entertaining them.

LL83 · 30/09/2019 19:50

I would be disappointed not to see my niece or nephew on wedding day, but I would also understand your position. I think it would be diplomatic to ask sister if she would mind rather than rsvp no kids. She surely won't say no.

NoSauce · 30/09/2019 19:51

God don’t take them!

AlmostAJillSandwich · 30/09/2019 19:54

It's an invitation, not a summons. Totally up to you to decide kids won't be attending.

ThatLibraryMiss · 30/09/2019 20:03

This is the formal format:

Mr and Mrs Fluffsmum
accept with pleasure
the kind invitation of
Fluffsmumsister
for
wedding date.

Fluffsmumjuniors regret exceedingly
that they are unable to attend.

Or, you could ring your sister and say you think everyone will enjoy the day much more if your children are looked after by their grandparents, as it's too far for a day trip. If she argues, tell her it'll give you freedom to concentrate on her.

Darkstar4855 · 30/09/2019 20:16

I would explain your worries to your sister and see what she says.

Oakandlove · 30/09/2019 20:19

Oh god yes, leave them at home with their other grandparents and enjoy yourself!

Pheasantplucker2 · 30/09/2019 20:22

We invited my niece and nephew at similar ages (also to be in th bridal party if they wanted) and BIL/SIL did the same as you're suggesting. It didn't bother us at all, we would have been happy to have them there and had other kids, but they chose to leave them with other grandparents and have a drink or several.

We wouldn't have seen them much or spent quality time with them, and although it would have been nice to have them on the photos, we respected the parents' decision.

It didn't even occur to us to comment, tbh, they told us that's what they were doing and that was the end of the conversation.

Hopefully it will be the same with your sis

weltenbummler · 30/09/2019 20:22

@nocoolnamesleftGrin

ThanosSavedMe · 30/09/2019 20:23

Yabvvvvvu

As nocoolnamesleft said, this is not a proper wedding thread. It’s like a parking one without a diagram. Shame on you!

Seriously, go without them, you will have a better time, the kids won’t know and I’m sure you sister won’t really mind

SavageFenty · 30/09/2019 20:41

So in other words your selfish and want to ignore your own kids at your sisters wedding? YABU, why bother having kids if you cva with them?

Scbchl · 30/09/2019 20:44

I wouldn't take them at that age if you dont have to. Not a chance.

Prettypumpkin · 30/09/2019 20:45

I neay always decline my kids invites and feel no guilt. I'm with them nearly all the time, so for the 2/3 weddings I get invited to a year I enjoy stress free. Enjoy yourself

Original poster
Fluffsmum · 30/09/2019 20:54

SavageFenty actually, I want to be able to see my sister get married, rather than be outside the church entertaining a 3yo and trying to get the youngest to nap! But you be a goady fucker if you want.

nocoolnamesleft that did actually make me lol.

I've messaged her, her response was "any chance they'll take Bob too 😆" (that's my Dnephew who will be 2, and all relatives etc will be in attendance!).

OP posts:
curlychocs · 30/09/2019 21:06

Never take my kids to weddings if I can help it. Go and have a great time!

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