AIBU with birthday meal

[pandaeyez]

It's my mums 50th Birthday this year, so a special one. She doesn't want a party and hates having lots of attention so I've decided to arrange a small birthday meal for her with our family and her closest friends.

I've already invited all her friends through text message etc, however I created a small group chat on Facebook just with our family in it (my mum doesn't have Facebook). I messaged everyone over a week ago inviting them and giving details such as the date and time etc. I told them I would let them know where the meal would be once my mum had chosen where she wanted to go. After my first message no one responded, baring in mind there were 8 people in the group.

As it's a set menu I have to pay a deposit for each person so it's important I know who's coming and who isn't as obviously I don't want to lose money and mess the restaurant around.

I messaged everyone again last night just asking if people could confirm if they were coming or not as I needed to book the table and pay a deposit. I sent a picture with the menu so people had an idea of what was on offer. Everyone has read it but still no response.

AIBU in feeling that it's bloody rude?!

I appreciate people may not have the money to come which is fine or their waiting to see if their working etc but surely a quick message just to say "I'll let you know or sorry I can't come" would suffice?

They've had over a week to decide and I've given as much details as possible.

I just feel quite sorry for my poor mum, she always make an effort for people birthdays and makes a fuss of our family however no one can do the same for her?!

Sorry, I think I just needed a good old rant!

Just phone them all up and clear up all the inconsistencies as to whois paying for what.

That's what we did in The Olden Dayes.

If it's only 8 people why not just phone them and ask?

I know on MN you're supposed to book calls 3 weeks in advance and only ever call in a specified 3 minute window, but in real life...

I'd have to send a pissy message.

But maybe they don't understand who is paying.

It sounds like there is a miscommunication here, OP.

I don’t think the money has anything to do with this. I think your group messaging is at fault. I would call each person up.
I’ve arranged parents Christmas lunches for our school and I end up asking people individually as so many don’t reply no matter how many messages I send.
And when I’ve gone out to celebrate someone’s birthday we all pay and cover the birthday girls meal too. Though for my 40th we invited 12 people out and covered it all.

I would just call them and ask.And if they dont give you a definate answer,just book it for those that do.

Even though i bet some will still just turn up.

Last cheery message on group: I’m booking the table tomorrow, so last chance to let me know if you’re celebrating with us for Mum’s 50th.

You could then text or message them individually “to check they’re getting FB notifications” ...

Wow, so many replies!

Just to clear a few things up, we always arrange our family get togethers over Facebook as it's easier to get everyone into a group rather than phone everyone individually, although I will definitely try and give everyone a quick call tonight just for one last effort.

We haven't pressured my mum into deciding on where to go . We actually suggested a party but as I said before she doesn't like big parties so when we asked what she wanted to do she suggested a family meal as that's what we've done for other family members birthdays including mine.

As my mum doesn't like certain foods such as Chinese, Indian etc we thought it would be better for her to choose where she wanted to go.

In regards to paying for the meal, I really can't understand why we'd be expected to pay for everyone's food and drinks. We've never done in that way before and we are by no means "rich" either.

Anyway, my question was were they rude and I guess it's 50/50

Thanks everyone!

You're not "hosting" you're organising. Of course you don't pay for everyone's bloody meals. FFS!
Yes, they are a bit rude. I would ring them.

Considering this is a normal way you all communicate and if the messages show “seen,” then yes, they are rude. If you normally communicate that way, it won’t go to “other” folder.

If someone can’t afford it then they should say, “sorry I cannot make it.”

I would never assume I was being treated to the meal unless someone stated “my treat.”

I also like to invite and treat people when I can afford (one on one usually), so I will say that. It’s not a dinner at a home where yes, the host is providing the meal.

Sorry it’s such a headache OP. I hope they take your call, that you get a definite headcount, and that your mum has a lovely time.