To think I drove him away

[Carrotsamdparsnips]

My husband has told me that he doesn’t love me anymore . He said that I drove him away by constant nagging , undermining him , criticising and my attitude towards him.He is right on this. He leaves mon to fri at 7am amd
Arrives back between 7-12 midnight leaving the rearing of our theee children, two of who have extra needs , to me . I also work full time. I can best describe him as an absent father and husband . When he is here he is disengaged or angry. He was s shouty and horrible. To our children regularly. It upsets them Greatly and I always intervene.sexually and financially I have found him to be demanding . He never really spoke to me unless he had to and had no interest in mine or the kids day to day life . Needless to say he did not lift a finger around the house unless’ nagged’ aswell as no input into admin/ diy/ children’s appointments or education. He always said that ‘ I knew all that stiuf’. I have begged pleaded , you name it, to try and encourage him to engage and be part of the family to no avail. He would reluctantly try to fix something around the house after weeks of badgering and inevitably fuck it up . Wouldn’t let anyone else do it though . For example the children got a bike each for Christmas last year. For an extra few pounds the shop assembles them, he wouldn’t pay it, he assembled them, fucked each of them up on Christmas Eve after much shouting and temper outbursts and the kids couldn’t even enjoy them on Christmas Day , never brought them to be repaired despite his big van .... I could go on and on.
Two issues I have . One is that I feel completely guilty and two is that I have read a couple of posts this weekend about absent fathers and husbands especially the type who disappear ‘ for their hobbies’ and leave their partners at home for full days and weekends at a time. AGAIN . For this reason I wondered if I was unreasonable as I felt from these posts that many women just accepted it and shouldered the family 90% of the time . Can you help me I pick please and thanks . Sorry about length .

He was a terrible husband and a god awful father. Twisting history to make himself sound reasonable? No. He has been an utterly shit parent and husband.

He might get a shock realising he will now actually have to parent.

He’s a shit husband and a shit father, thank fuck you’re getting rid of him!

How’s he gonna cope when he had to have the kids on his own and do all his own housework?!

He will fill them
With junk food , allow them
To Watch tv/ screens all Day long and hand them back. I hate the thought of them
Going to him . That’s my biggest sadness . Thanks for response. The guilt I feel is because I began to find myself resentful and Unattracted to him early on and stuck with it . My friends think that this may be the best thing that will ever happen to me and the kids . I feel
Awful
Saying this but I always expected him
To mess things up before he even did them and nine out of ten times he did . I feel shit about my self

Oh OP he sounds absolutely horrible. It will be joyous for you and the children if he leaves. Tell him you don't love him either and it's best you seperate. He's a shit.

If it involves him and him only, he can be a perfectionist so for example his room is spotless . His laundry always perfect . His car clean but never ours or me and the kids . A selfish man

He sounds awful, be thankful he's made it easier for you by deciding to leave

You’ve posted about him before, haven’t you?

He was a fuckwit on the last thread. Nothing has changed.

Yes I have posted about him but I can’t seem to understand why he is pinning this split on me . He let rip at me
The other day blaming me Totally so I’m all Twisted Up about it that’s why I posted again. Thanks

He's blaming you because he can't possibly be at fault.
He's blaming you because it's easier than acknowledging that he hasn't done enough.

You are not to blame.

Thanks for that. I think he is hiding
Money aswell and I also think there may be another woman in the shadows

He is very close to his secretary who also does payroll. He is getting a flat rate weeks salary since he announced the split yet is working all the hours and as a man who never carries cash, he seems to have plenty of it . No way of proving it though . I wonder if he will pay any maintenance as he will only have three overnights s fortnight as he claims he is too busy at work .

Make sure he does pay maintenance. Go through CSA. Put a proper contact plan in place too. Don't let him mess you around - you've handled his rubbish for far too long.

I have some personal savings but I don’t want to spend those on solicitor so am going to fake it and be amicable as he is extremely awkward and will
Go against me If he can at all, in any issue. Any guidance on the financial / custody issues please? Any tips? He can only do every other weekend and an overnight the second week plus an evening for a few hours . That’s it. I take all children’s school holidays off work so I do t know how school
Holidays will work for him . Any ideas?

Anyone please???

I made an appointment with my solicitor and got a cancellation just now for tomorrow afternoon.What questions do I need answering and what do I expect please? It’s all very sudden and my head is in a spin. I’ve reason to believe that he is hiding money as in his employers are giving him cash in hand and have done so for the last ten weeks , based on the massive overtime he has been doing . What can I do please?

Can they actually do that?! Surely that’s not legal.

That’s what I need to find out . Working so much overtime and not getting paid through the books and not getting time in lieu either . What can I do about this does anyone know?