To let my 9 yr old go to the library alone?

[Rotanicani]

Realised we’d forgotten to return a library book, Ds offered to pop over.

The library is a few min from the house, if it wasn’t for buildings and trees I’d be able to see if from the door. The path there isn’t even on a road but across a patch of green. Ds is 9, particularly confident and has his head screwed on. The green is reasonably busy with footfall due to buses and a station being there as well as being a route to shops. He often pops to the corner shop in the day, they know him and are friendly and will walk to very local friends. It’s a city so hardly quiet.

In my world it’s quite normal at 9 providing the child is streetwise enough? No Sn

I’ve had a phonecall from the library, didn’t recognise the voice- we know most of them, having got the house number from his card. She felt she has to ring me as a safeguarding risk, that he was alone and then he’d also walked off. Ds reports she asked him to stay with her while she rung but he said ‘sorry I haven’t got a phone and my mum will worry if I’m late back. Not being rude but I don’t know you either so I don’t want to stay with you’. He said he then left her quickly, she wasn’t on the desk but walking in the library. His view was he wasn’t staying with some random woman. Said he want scared of her, and there were other people to go to if he had been, but he just didn’t want to stay with a stranger just in case. I presume she was in uniform but he said he didn’t really look. The only mitigating thing I can think of is maybe he looks 8? But he acts 9 or older. Knowing him he probably had a dismissive tone, but wouldn’t ever be rude in words or raise his voice. Just not focused fully on someone

Oh and I asked if he was being silly in anyway, she said he was just ‘wandering up and down the bookshelves’ so I guess choosing a book.

I think he handled that brilliantly, good for him.
Library staff here don’t wear uniform so he wouldn’t know she was anyone official.
In your situation I’d think he’s just fine to go on his own I think.

Sigh...what a world we live in now

I went to the shop when I was 9 and everything was ok. Mind you that was 20 years ago and I also obviously don't know your child so can't really say!

Your son sounds sensible and fab.

Library lady sounds like a nut job.

Our library says under 10 must be accompanied, so maybe check what your local rules are.
We only moved here in the spring, but my 10 year old has been to the library (and the supermarket) by himself.
He is also walking home from school unaccompanied tonight.
I cant see any of these locations from the house - tho only 2 minor roads to cross.

My 8 year old hasnt gone anywhere alone yet.

I'd say it's about ths right age if he's happy yo do it.

I worry about the future with this type of safeguarding. Basically kids are not allowed to do anything on their own and then we expect them to mature in a few years and learn the skills to be an adult in the adult world with limited preparation. Seems irresponsible. It is totally fine for him to run errands on his own. Also he seems like a witty young kid.

Good point I’ll try to google the rules.

We’ve practiced things to say for tricky situations and what to do in the past so I know he has the vocabulary to deal with stuff like being approached.

My dcs school lets the children walk home by themselves from year 5 which is age 9-10. So walking to and from a nearby library is a pretty similar situation.

My 10 year is like having another parent around. He is the eldest and so sensible. I honestly feel that I could leave his little sisters with him and they would be safe. He makes tea, walks to places and can order a dominoes pizza without my help! We are infantilising our children.

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes my son is like that, as was his big brother. He can cook simple bits, look after siblings fine etc. Though I’m very conscious never to put him in unfair situations, eg were a sibling could be hurt in his care, he is capable and helpful.

I’ve looked it up. Not only is it 8 I’ e the local council pool is also 8 (I drop him to see friends there sometimes) as in the holidays clubs etc they run through the council. That’s a pretty clear answer if it goes further!

Sounds like you've raised a mature and responsible 9 year old - the librarian sounds incredibly overzealous.

I’ve raised a mixed bag tbh, his sibling who’s just 8 will be about 20 when allowed out alone 😉

There's loads of busy bodies about.

I once left my 11 year old ds in the car in daylight in the supermarket car park whilst I went in...he was perfectly happy on his phone. Only for me to discover a concerned bystander asking if he was ok?!

8 is the usual age. Sounds like your DS did the right thing.

I've never known a library staff member wear uniform - usually ID cards only. At his age I was hanging out in the library alone myself, and knew to ask to see the children's librarian (who knew me, and knew I was allowed to be there) if I ran into trouble with an overzealous library worker. Is there anyone like that at your library?

So what was the rest of the conversation with the librarian?

My DD was in a similar scenario, the community library was part of the school complex and within a couple of minutes walk from the house. The librarians used to welcome groups of kids who would walk there themselves or go after school.

Kids need freedom, you have handled it correctly.

Sounds very level headed. What did the librarian say when you set her right?

It does seem weird to me that anyone would raise any eyebrows at an unaccompanied nine-year-old in a library (or the corner shop or the park or whatever). And I don't think library staff usually wear uniforms, just a badge or a lanyard, so I can see why your son wasn't sure about her.

I forgot to add earlier that the library lady sounds weird! Your son did the right thing.

At 9, I think it is fine for him to go to the library by himself. However, I wouldn't be too harsh on the library assistant. She doesn't know whether he is allowed to be on his own or not. Imagine how she'd have felt if she had done nothing about it and he was in trouble. A case of damned if you do, damned if you don't.

@dontmakemeshushyou But a small child on their own, in a library, is not particularly in any danger. It would have presumably been sufficent to ask "does the person looking after you know you're here?" and provide some information on how to contact the library staff if he needs help.

You'll probably find that there aren't any prescriptive rules. NSPCC guidelines say something like 'not putting DC at risk' so there's a lot of judgement depending on environment, maturity etc.

Allowing your DS to go across to the library by himself sounds perfectly reasonable, and he sounds particularly sensible in realising that the woman who appeared to work in the library wasn't necessarily telling the truth and sometimes adults misrepresent themselves in order to potentially harm vulnerable people.

Actually, the thing that worries me about this sort of thing is that traditionally libraries are a safe space for children to go when they are at risk - escaping from bullies, or from a difficult home life.

If being in a public space is genuinely a "safeguarding risk", what hope does any child have of ever finding a space where they can be safe?