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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be anxious about a spa break?

27 replies

BanKittenHeels · 30/09/2019 00:27

I know, I know first world problems.

My sister has booked us two nights away at a spa and am racked with anxiety about it.

We do need time away together because we have both had a really rough few years and I’m very grateful for the thought and expense.

I can’t stand massages, I hate being touched, so that’s off the table for me.
I will probably have my nails done (but then need to remove it for work) which will take up an hour.
After that I feel so anxious about sitting around a pool in my swimming costume that I could vomit with nerves. Similarly I couldn’t bring myself to use the saunas and steam rooms for the same reasons.

I know for a lot of people this would be heaven and I seem to be moaning about being pampered but I can’t bear the thought.
I don’t want to moan about it to my sister because she has gone to a lot of trouble and I don’t want to take any enjoyment out of it for her.

Does anyone else feel anxious and generally awful about spa breaks and “pampering”?

OP posts:
HotChocWithCream · 30/09/2019 00:29

I couldn’t cope with the idea of a spa break for all of the reasons you listed. The whole concept makes me feel ill.

If I were you I’d politely decline and ask my sister to take someone that would actually enjoy the experience.

I think if you go it will have the opposite effect than intended!

Original poster
BanKittenHeels · 30/09/2019 00:36

We are due to go this week and have both arranged child care and time off work. It was booked just as time away in a hotel that happened to have a spa but I’ve seen the confirmation this evening and we have the “spa package” and my sister was excitedly booking treatments.

I don’t mind sitting in a bikini or swimming costume abroad in the sun but in hotel in SE I don’t have the comfort of a tan and being draped from head to toe in a sarong to “hide my Irish skin from the sun” that would look really odd indoors.

OP posts:
HotChocWithCream · 30/09/2019 00:39

Speak to her about cancelling your treatments. It’s madness to pay for something that will make you anxious/stressed. Take a book/some magazines and tell her you’re more than happy for her to enjoy the spa treatments but it’s not for you.

MissLadyM · 30/09/2019 00:41

Just tell her what you feel. If she cares for you shell cancel and do something else x

littlewoollypervert · 30/09/2019 00:42

The only time I did a spa day was the day before my sister's wedding and even though we did get in and out of the pool we were in towelling robes all day. Can you give the hotel a ring and check this is the case?
Also can you do a pedicure instead of a manicure - won't have to take the varnish off afterwards (sounds like you work in healthcare so maybe you are on your feet so they could do with a pamper?)
Does the spa have a relaxation room - have a nap there! Was one of the best hours I ever spent.
Main point is - tailor the day to suit you so you can relax.

Scrunchcake · 30/09/2019 00:47

I felt exactly the same the first time I was due to go to a spa (friends had organised the break and I just kind of went along with it). The only thing that made me go was the thought that I could just sit by the pool in a robe. Anyway I loved it - people were all shapes and sizes and the stream rooms etc are dimly lit.

Could you face the idea of sitting wrapped in a robe chatting to your sister or reading a book? Maybe cancel the massage, just get your nails done (if you had a pedicure you could leave the polish on for work maybe?)

Good luck

Interestedwoman · 30/09/2019 00:50

I would find it hard to enjoy too. Sounds like the others have some good tips. Hope you're able to find stuff you enjoy, and relax. xx

RomaineCalm · 30/09/2019 00:52

Please don't worry. My experience is that you spend most of the time in a robe rather than swimming costume. Have a swim and or sauna/steam room and then snuggle back in your robe. You could go back to your room for a snooze if you wanted. If you don't fancy a massage what about a pedicure, facial or body wrap.

The last spa break I went on with a friend we spent a lot of time curled up on a sofa reading our books and chatting. Check with the spa as there are often places to relax that don't involve lying by the pool.

Original poster
BanKittenHeels · 30/09/2019 00:55

I couldn’t cope with someone touching my feet. I sound so fussy! I’m truly not, I just don’t like being rubbed by strangers.

Hmmm wouldn’t it be awfully warm beside a pool in a robe?

I feel so close to tears, I know it sounds ridiculous, about this whole thing. My sister is really into being pampered and she needs it so much, I’m having a crap time of it but she is having a worse time that I feel like I would break her heart if I pulled out.

I have downloaded some Audible books, I’ve given myself a spare hour on the morning before we go to shave off most of my pubes (!) but perhaps I should raid my medicine cabinet/get a colleague to write me a script for something nice.

OP posts:
Sobeyondthehills · 30/09/2019 01:03

I honestly couldn't think of something worse to do.

However for my sister, I might suck it up, but there would be a limit to it. I would also make sure the bar was inexpensive

Original poster
BanKittenHeels · 30/09/2019 01:10

However for my sister, I might suck it up

I think this might be the most realistic option I have.

OP posts:
81Byerley · 30/09/2019 01:13

I had a spa day for my hen party. We spent most of the time wrapped in fluffy bathrobes that they provided, chatting laughing and drinking coffee and eating biscuits. Occasionally a therapist would come and collect one of us for a booked treatment. I just had a manicure, (no false nails), and a head massage. We had a lovely lunch with wine, and a swim in the outdoor pool afterwards. I think you might be surprised by the experience...I was!

MiniMum97 · 30/09/2019 01:14

You usually wear robes and no it's not too hot. There will be people if all shapes and sizes so you really don't need to worry anyway. Just go and have lunch and a drink and sit by the pool and chat. The day will fly by. Cancel the treatments if you don't want them.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 30/09/2019 01:19

Honestly, re being poolside and feeling self conscious, don't worry. I'm plus sized and used to fret endlessly about spas, until my DH booked us a child free trip to one and I couldn't say no. When I arrived, I asked reception for an extra towel, which I then draped across me when lounging by the pool / wrapped around me when walking from sauna to steam room etc. Nobody looked twice at me. Everyone was just there to enjoy themselves and were probably far more worried about their own bodies. Go, maybe you'll love it. I felt amazing afterwards Smile

avamiah · 30/09/2019 01:36

BankittenHeels,
Don’t panic ,
I often go to Bournemouth with my daughter and the hotel has a heated indoor/outdoor pool and sauna/steam room and jacuzzi .
We go because my daughter loves it there because of the pools and she loves to swim .
I personally don’t like swimming or going in the steam or sauna or jacuzzi so I don’t .
I sit in my swim suit with a towel or robe over or on me and just relax and read books or magazines.

nettie434 · 30/09/2019 04:54

My experience is that treatments aren’t necessarily included in the basic package. Yes, the spa hopes you will book lots of treatments as extras but you won’t be pressurised into having something you don’t want. If the package does include a treatment, you could ask if your sister can have yours.

As others say, it is really easy just to sit and relax and listen to your audio books. Lots of people have a nap. Depending on the spa, there is often a pool if you like swimming. It’s really easy to blend into the background and no-one will really notice you in your robe.

If you are away for two nights, it sounds as if you are staying in a hotel and you and your sister will be able to have dinner together. Hope you can just take it as a chance to relax without any pressures from work or home.

Ozgirl75 · 30/09/2019 04:58

I love spas and every one I have ever been to, I’ve been in a robe by the pool. I never go in the pool as I hate swimming, so I just sit and chat and read and it’s v nice.

You don’t have to have treatments but facials are quite non touchy (apart from the face!), and you can easily say that you don’t want any massaging or anything. The spas want their guests to enjoy it so they will do whatever to make it nice for you.

I actually prefer a facial to nails as I can’t be bothered to chat.

Caterina99 · 30/09/2019 05:04

Just sit in a dressing gown reading your book the whole time. I’ve never been to a spa (granted I’ve not been to many) where people don’t wear the dressing gowns the majority of the time.

Also just ask if your sister can have your treatments if you don’t want them. I went on a trip with my DH that included a treatment each and I just had his as well as my own. The hotel didn’t care in the slightest.

Jamhandprints · 30/09/2019 05:08

I totally agree OP. Don't book a facial as I had one once which included massaging my legs and shoulders for some reason...then sitting trapped in an itchy mask for ages.
Can't you get a manicure with no nail polish?
But you are still away in a hotel so relax and enjoy the food, drinks and time with your sister.

snowball28 · 30/09/2019 05:13

I’m like you, can’t be doing with randoms touching me and I find spas really germy 😬 I can however tolerate a head massage so I’d opt for that. You can keep your robe on like I did, I spent most of the time laying in front of the fire on a squashy sofa eating and drinking lol.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/09/2019 05:26

You're worrying about nothing, honestly. Most people are in dressing gowns the entire time they've not immersed in water and treatments are not compulsory.

You can just read, relax and chat with your sister plus enjoy the food and maybe have a little snooze at some point in the day, after lunch is great for this.

But I'm not sure audible downloads are a good idea unless you have a waterproof mp3 player as everything seems to get damp/wet anyway and some spas ask people not to use electronics as part of the switched off relaxed atmosphere. I'd suggest books or magazines, probably ones you don't mind getting wet.

Original poster
BanKittenHeels · 03/10/2019 10:30

Just wanted to say thanks for all your replies.
Have been here since yesterday and it’s not for me but I’m putting on a face and pretending for my sister.

Sat in a jacuzzi for about 20 mins (don’t get it) and then sat wrapped up in my gown boiling to death next to the pool.

Going to stay in bed today and eat cheese.

OP posts:
thesnapandfartisinfallible · 03/10/2019 11:28

😂 sounds like my idea of hell too. I have no idea how people find it relaxing to have a complete stranger massage them. I have a regular guy I go to for deep tissue massage but if he isn't there then I don't go, I'd leave more stressed than I was to start with!

Grin and bare bear it for your sister. Must be nearly done with now?

messolini9 · 03/10/2019 11:51

Going to stay in bed today and eat cheese.
Grin Grin Grin

Good for you, @BanKittenHeels!

Glad you at least got quality 1 on 1 time with DSis.

Original poster
BanKittenHeels · 03/10/2019 11:52

We are here until mid afternoon tomorrow.
Have managed to convince her to leave and go to the seaside with me for the afternoon, so that’s something at least.

OP posts: