To have reacted this way?

[SoFookingTired]

New username says it all really.

DD3 is going through a horrendous phase where she is defiant, constantly shouts out in the night and wants to come in DH's and my bed for no reason.

We are both desperate for an undisturbed night's sleep and had a discussion earlier tonight where we both said that while we wanted her to feel she could come in to us if she needed us, we also wanted her to know that she couldn't just shout us in the night for no reason.

Tonight, the same thing as usual happened and she started shouting for me when DH and I were both asleep in bed. Told her to wait until her gro clock was orange but she came in to our bedroom anyway.

I do struggle to have patience at night, esp when it's relentless as it has been for the past few weeks, and I have a shitty cold. When DD came in we had a loud conversation about how she needed to go back to her own bed. She then went round to DH's side, and he promptly let her into our bed. I blew up at him about undermining me, and he said he'd been asleep and hadn't heard DD and I talking.

Cue half an hour of ridiculous cajoling from us and wailing from DD to get her back into her own bed, where she is now. DH is now cross with me because he feels I spoke to him like shit, and the first he knew of the situation was DD climbing into our bed and me shouting at him.

I realise this wasn't my finest hour, but at the time I really felt like he was undermining me. Who's in the wrong?

I don't think either of you really. You didn't know he was asleep, he didn't know you'd said no and was probably half asleep and forgot the plan.

I'd apologise for shouting but remind him not to just let her in, then start again tomorrow.

Mate. You’re knackered. He’s knackered. It’s all hideous.

Try to sleep now and work out a plan in the morning. FYI my plan would be buy a massive bed and go with it. 🤷‍♀️

Honestly? Probably neither of you. You're probably both trying your best in a really tough situation. Sleep deprivation plus a cold = very low tolerance levels! Maybe just give each other a hug and go back to sleep, I hope your dd stays in her bed and you get an uninterrupted rest of the night.

No ones in the wrong. Your both tired and not thinking clearly and you snapped due to lack of sleep. It happened and no ones at fault for it.

I really hope your DD’s sleep improves soon, it sounds exhausting!

DH and I used to have some horrendous arguments in the middle of the night when one or other of the kids wouldn't sleep for nights on end. We lived through it though.
#thistooshallpass

Stop making it a blame game and talk in the morning. It's not worth a row and you are both tired.

My partner and I have an agreed rule to let comments or snapping moments slide when it happens in the middle of the night while caring for our non sleeping baby

No one reacts well when sleep deprived. Yes he undermined but unintentionally if he was sleeping.
Make a plan to try to tackle the sleep issue when you're not actually facing it in the middle of the night.

I think you need to be kinder to each other, which means you to him in this scenario. It's not easy when you're sleep deprived. Let it go and don't cause a massive fight over this.

Just an aside - kids don't do things for no reason though it can be tricky to ascertain the reason. We let our kids in whenever they wanted but put them between us. This meant they eventually got too hot and too themselves back to their own bed!

Would it be a possibility for you to put a mattress on the floor next to your bed and to tell your daughter that if she needs to come up in the night, then quietly to not wake mummy and daddy, and she can sleep on the mattress on the floor.?

@GinTonic123 Sadly we haven't the room in our bedroom to do this.

Thanks for the advice everyone. DH and I have chatted this morning and decided on a plan moving forward, hopefully reducing any conflict during the night.

After I posted this DD got up another four times and ended up bed with us anyway, so today will be sponsored by coffee