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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen Weekend

20 replies

Clangers23 · 29/09/2019 22:34

Hi ladies and gents,

A friend of mines is having a hen weekend abroad and I've just been given 24 hours notice to confirm my attendance, as in 24 hours from finding out about the hen to confirm.

The total cost is in the region of £400 and this has to be paid by mid December.

I am absolutely affronted and actually quite angry. I was added to a FB group with the bridesmaids and hens, before being told the details by a bridesmaid.

AIBU by thinking this is a huge ask on very little notice? (the wedding is in April, hen will be in Feb)

I have a pretty big holiday in July next year (Orlando) along with 3 close friends weddings and I just cannot afford this. I have already said I will be unable to attend due to financial commitments but I just cannot stop thinking about how the group chat and planning has been handled.

What happened to the old fashioned pub crawl hen night?

Thanks.

OP posts:

AutumnRose1 · 29/09/2019 22:36

I think it's a ridiculous request but not sure why you are angry about how it's been handled?

BlackCatSleeping · 29/09/2019 22:37

It is shitty. I’d just decline and suggest to your friend a local get together at some point. Just leave the Facebook group.

Original poster

Clangers23 · 29/09/2019 22:39

@autumnrose1

I'm feeling angry because I'm very close to the bride, as in I speak to her every day, and at no point was I ever told about an abroad hen weekend otherwise I'd have made sure I could afford it, had I have known well in advance.

I think it's a huge ask, we were also being asked to pay for the brides trip on top of our own. It's just lunacy.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 29/09/2019 22:42

£400 in 3 months time isn't that short notice really
Anyway you were invited, if you can't afford it then you can't go, nothing to get angry about. Often bridedmaids organise hen dos without the bride so she may not have the details to tell you.

Quaffy · 29/09/2019 22:42

24 hours notice of an abroad hen do is ridiculous. I don’t agree people should have to just go to the pub, but this sounds like really poor planning, and £400 will price lots of people out.

AutumnRose1 · 29/09/2019 22:45

"I'm feeling angry because I'm very close to the bride, as in I speak to her every day, and at no point was I ever told about an abroad hen weekend otherwise I'd have made sure I could afford it, had I have known well in advance"

Oh I see! That's crazy in many ways. It's interesting that you'd have saved up to go. Be prepared- if you tell her that, she might just ask you to put it on a credit card or something.

Original poster

Clangers23 · 29/09/2019 22:49

@shoxfordian

The issue for me is that we found out about it at 5pm and were told we needed to respond by 9am the following day. I just think it's crazy.

The package that costs 400 pounds is self catering only meaning we will then need more money for food, drinks and activities.

Personally, I wouldn't ask my friends and family to go abroad. I think it's putting too much pressure on people, especially in the run up to Christmas.

I am on my period so maybe that's why I'm so sensitive lol!

OP posts:

SpaceDinosaur · 29/09/2019 22:50

Just say No.

"Thank you for the Invite. I'm sorry but 24hrs between learning of this trip and needing to commit is just not feasible. Have a lovely time."

Shoxfordian · 29/09/2019 22:51

Yeah that's not much time to decide

She may not be aware of all the details though so don't assume she knows and didn't tell you. Do something separate with her if you can instead.

Wheelson · 29/09/2019 22:53

Chances are she'll have a 'home hen' too so you can always go to that as I doubt many folk will be able to commit to the abroad one.

Original poster

Clangers23 · 29/09/2019 22:54

I have already said to all the girls that I'd be more that willing to attend and even help plan something local, but I totally disagree with asking people to go abroad.

4 nights @ 400 pounds, add on 100 euro per day minimum for food and drinks, you're looking at 700 pounds. I could go on a 5 star all inclusive for a week with that kind of money.

OP posts:

Original poster

Clangers23 · 29/09/2019 22:55

Make that nearer 800 pounds with today's exchange rate!

OP posts:

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 29/09/2019 22:58

Just say no you dont have to go. Others might be prepared to go and bride might want go. She might have a local one for those who can't go.

SuzieQ10 · 29/09/2019 23:01

Totally reasonable to decline. I would.
It's nice of you to offer to join in planning something local, I'd much much rather go to the pub and celebrate with friends. Maybe mention it to bride and see if she'd like to do something local as well as her hen away.

BlackCatSleeping · 29/09/2019 23:11

But they can go abroad if they want to. I agree that it’s been badly organized but it’s nothing worth getting angry and upset about.

crosstalk · 29/09/2019 23:15

OP you've said no, leave it at that. Poss just text bride to say you'd love to take her somewhere special for a meal or treat her to a spa or whatever ... and that you're sorry not to be able to go the abroad hen.

I'm on your side but then I'm ancient - hen dos in my time were either non existent or you went out for a meal or someone did a meal at home.

LizB62A · 29/09/2019 23:26

Just say no - it's not compulsory!
I agree, that's too much to expect people to spend
In my day we went for a nice meal (and then drank a lot !!)

Leeds2 · 29/09/2019 23:26

I'm not really sure why you are so cross about it. You were asked to go, have said no, surely end of.
Personally, I don't like hen dos abroad, but lots do and they seem pretty much the norm these days. No one is obliged to go though!

museumsandgalleries666 · 29/09/2019 23:28

Just decline, no need to offer an excuse. If the bride queries your decision just say it doesn't work for you but suggest a night out in town for anyone who wants to join in.

Meshy23 · 30/09/2019 00:50

It’s up to them/the bride what she wants to do for her hen do and if she wants to do it abroad that’s fine. Yes you could have had more notice but it sounds like you wouldn’t have enjoyed an abroad hen do either way.

Just say you can’t commit due to late notice and expense and forget about this - the bride won’t be annoyed at you if it’s to do with expense. Not sure why you are so angry to be honest.

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