Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

I want to be alone: just want a day off from parenting!

20 replies

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 29/09/2019 21:03

Just feeling annoyed today as I so seldom have a day when I don't have to carry the mental load for my family.

I've had a cold all week thanks to DD (14) passing it onto me. I pushed through the work week and all I wanted was a quiet weekend to recharge and just do the essentials. Not interested in going out unless I have to.

But no one will let me just potter about doing chores and drinking tea!

It's not that I never get a night out, but apparently staying at home and not paying much attention to anyone else isn't on. DS (11) actually said to me this morning that "I'm a Mum so you don't get a day off!" .

Why not?!

OP posts:

Kittenbittenmitten · 29/09/2019 21:10

I remember being like that when I was a teen. Poor DM! Now I understand her aching need! Although she needs crazy amounts of quiet time.

It's nice to go out but equally nice to be in the house alone Do you have a husband or partner who can take the children out to lunch and a film? I guess they are too old for soft play and park could you lock yourself in bedroom with cup of tea and book?

Bobbiepin · 29/09/2019 21:13

I literally could have written that myself. The mental load is breaking me, I'm considering if I leave my marriage and make myself a single parent then there's a valid reason for having 100% of the mental load. I tried to bring it up with DH tonight and he disagrees - end of. Either he doesn't see or doesn't care that its killing me.

Pipandmum · 29/09/2019 21:17

Uh I’m a single parent and I just tell the kids they’re on their own for the day. Just tell them you’re unwell and take to your bed. Order pizza if you must but your 14 year old should be able to cook a meal and both are old enough to entertain themselves.

Original poster

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 30/09/2019 14:14

I do have a DH but he wants attention as well. Even the dog wants attention! I just feel pulled in all directions.

Oh well, moan over. I do feel better today and it's nice to be back at work away from everyone. I do love them really.

Good luck everyone, have a good week!

OP posts:

mumtomaxwell · 30/09/2019 14:20

I absolutely empathise - it’s why I work part time! On my day off I rarely go anywhere or see anyone... I just potter about. It’s wonderful! But for years I didn’t have this and it had a massive impact on my well-being and I had to see a counsellor.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/09/2019 14:29

Can your DH not take the kids out for an afternoon and give you a break?

Original poster

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/10/2019 02:47

He used to sometimes, but now they're 14 & 11 so going out for the afternoon with Dad is bleurgh. They have friends over,etc., but that's not exactly peaceful!

I think I'm just a tad anti-social sometimes, I like my own company!

OP posts:

YaySeptember · 01/10/2019 02:52

Do you have the type of job where you can put holiday days in whenever you want? If so, and it you have enough left between now and the end of the year, put a few in. Have some days to yourself whilst they're at school and your dh is at work and take the time you need to rest and recover from your cold.

Original poster

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/10/2019 02:57

Yes, I work flexible hours and my schedule varies alot- I'm not good at saying no! I need to self-regulate more and insist on a certain day off every week. Right now, I'm at everyone's beck and call...no surprise I'm feeling pulled in all directions really.

OP posts:

YaySeptember · 01/10/2019 03:13

It sounds really easy on paper (or the electronic, cyber equivalent), to just say no, you can't do the overtime or the extra day or swap this, that and the other shift but practise saying it aloud in front of the mirror. You shouldn't have to give a reason but have one up your sleeve in case you do.

Are your dc more or less self sufficient? Can they sort their own tea out or do you still have to cook it? If you do, that's probably something you (and your dh) need to get into.

What would happen if you put headphones on and ignored them for a bit? Get in the habit of telling everyone that you're busy/stressed/overwhelmed and need an hour and then completely ignore them (unless it's an emergency of course). After a while they should get used to it. I think it is important for your family (and your work) to realise that your needs matter as much as theirs but sometimes you have to force that point.

We don't have any spare rooms in our house so we bought a summer house. Every now and again I take myself and my knitting out there and away from the chaos of the house. Is there anywhere at home where you can escape to to be by yourself?

YaySeptember · 01/10/2019 03:15

[N]eed to get into onto.

Bloody auto-correct thinking it knows better than I do what I want to say

Joloupic2019 · 01/10/2019 06:44

I've literally woke this morning at 6 with 1 year old screaming and 3 year old messing about I could have written this post I'm a single parent and my family live far away I'm so tired and my 1 year old has been ill, there's been so much screaming at all hours I'm so exhausted I could just cry I need a break

YaySeptember · 01/10/2019 08:22

44Joloupic2019 would Homestart be of any help? Contact your health visitor, sure start centre or gp for support.

Joloupic2019 · 01/10/2019 09:22

No I seriously dislike homestart for my own personal reasons, I also don't like our health visitor. I'm sure this is a rough patch but I feel ops sentiments

thecatsthecats · 01/10/2019 09:27

YANBU.

I had the day off yesterday. First one I've ever done without a single errand whatsoever.

(I actually laid down the law to my husband and told him that absolutely nothing would be getting done. NOTHING. And if he tried to work from home, I'd skin him. have an affair then dump him.)

It was bloody bliss. I edited four chapters of my book, watched 6 episodes of Bake Off, went to the gym, had a bath and started a new book.

thecatsthecats · 01/10/2019 09:28

Oh and I don't even have kids. I have had a merciless cold though, and a busy period at work.

Ninkaninus · 01/10/2019 09:33

Sorry but you should actually do something about this rather than just moaning about it - your son is learning a really bad and unbalanced view of family, parenting and motherhood.

If I were you I’d have a day or two away once a month or so - just a night in a hotel and a day to yourself. Read, sleep, ear and go out and about if you want to, without anyone else to make demands on you.

mummmy2017 · 01/10/2019 09:34

Just do the that won't work for me, when they ask you to do something .
I stopped doing stuff for my teenagers, so funny when you say no .
Will you drive me to X...
Hang on glass of wine, sorry had a drink so can't drive, go ask dad.

Ninkaninus · 01/10/2019 09:35

If once a month is too often for your budget you can make it a day out once a month and a stay away every two or three months.

It’s really important to take time out to recharge, and for people to respect that you are a person too with a need for time to yourself. You’re not there just to make sure everyone else has what they want.

Original poster

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/10/2019 01:58

Sorry but you should actually do something about this rather than just moaning about it - your son is learning a really bad and unbalanced view of family, parenting and motherhood.

You're absolutely right, although he can be lovely as well! I need to work on boundaries and not being at everyone's beck and call.

OP posts:

Flip