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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Best way to escape??

37 replies

rabbitheadlights · 29/09/2019 19:29

If someone wants to leave a violent partner, has managed to squirrel away 6 month's rent in advance can they secure a tenancy agreement? They don't have the best credit rating (understatement) and 1 ccj???

OP posts:

GingersAreLush · 29/09/2019 20:31

WA can and do still advise even if you don’t score highly on their questions. I believe the questions are in relation to if you need a refuge space for example. Definitely worth a call...

8 children OP? I think she’s going to struggle getting a LL to take her on unfortunately.

WorldEndingFire · 29/09/2019 20:33

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? They have good advice on making plans to leave.

Original poster

rabbitheadlights · 29/09/2019 20:34

@blingadingding she works and is actually quite respected in her field they just don't have savings

OP posts:

BlingADingDing · 29/09/2019 20:48

rabbitheadlights sorry, it was just another option if she needed to move quickly

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 29/09/2019 20:55

It might be best for her to see if she can find a local DV charity - I got referred to one immediately, and they were brilliant, because they had a much better understanding of local issues of housing etc. They could also support me in appointments with council, etc in person. They saved me & DC - I really don't say that lightly.

Original poster

rabbitheadlights · 29/09/2019 20:56

@blingading no I appreciate all advice X thankyou

OP posts:

Whyisshedoingit · 29/09/2019 21:17

Nope I got turned down for over a year despite offering 6 or 12 months rent in advance.

However, one phone call to Women's Aid and you could be in a Refuge that evening with transport provided and everything you needed

Whyisshedoingit · 29/09/2019 21:21

Refuge locations are well kept secrets and are totally secure. Barbed wire fences, CCTV police-linked alarms systems & impenetrable doors.

Pipandmum · 29/09/2019 21:24

I’m a landlady and have had tenants with no credit rating (from abroad) as they paid six months up front. But the next six months was also paid up front and so on.

Emmas1985 · 30/09/2019 03:23

Well.... we weren’t actually together when the abuse got worse so I was lucky to have already found a new home for my DS and I. Things went from bad to worse and he tried to kill himself as he had people threatening to kill him, so I was then given a reason to be able to block him and keep DS away from him. He took me to court over child access but after a year he withdrew as the court said he wasn’t doing enough to show remorse and that he understood it was his fault and no one else’s. Women’s aid were helpful as in I could confide in them and they offered me groups to go to but as for personal advice on my situation I scored 15/20 as the level of threat to us was high as he’d tried to take his own life, had a criminal record for many violent acts and he was taking drugs.... don’t judge me I knew nothing of these things when we got together and he was a very good liar

DonKeyshot · 30/09/2019 03:39

If any of the dc are male aged 12 and over a refuge will not be an option and, presumably, the dm does not want to spend a prolonged period of time away from her place of employment.

Are you in a position to act as guarantor for the the rent, rabbit?

saveallyourkisses · 30/09/2019 09:24

I've worked for a charity supporting victims of domestic abuse and it's not always the case that any male children over twelve mean that refuge isn't possible. There are many different types of refuge accommodation across the country that take many individual needs.
OP, it may be that refuge is her best bet, because she can then have the time and space to decide where is best to go next with the safety and support provided. Depending on some financial circumstances (but these have to be fairly extreme in terms of wealth) fleeing domestic abuse puts you in priority for social housing which doesn't examine your credit rating. It would mean that she could look at social housing options outside of her area (as fleeing domestic abuse also removes the need to have a local connection to the area) and there are refugees in existence that are single family occupancy homes if you think her sharing in a large accommodation may put her off the idea.
Previous posters have given great advice in encouraging that she contacts women's aid. They can advise and help her to plan, can be ready to help on a planned date and can provide an IDVA which is an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor. They can meet one-to-one discretely and are used to having to manage this in dangerous and difficult circumstances.
If I can be of any more help let me know.

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