To ask teacher why DS’s line was excluded from class poem?

[Usernamealreadyexists]

DS (8) was teary evening and asked if he could skip the class recital in front of parents next week because the teacher didn’t include his line. He put forward an idea. Other kids had two lines included. I know he was very excited about the whole thing and was looking forward to me coming to thing. He said he was the only person who put forward an idea that wasn’t included. Should I speak to the teacher?

I think its fi e to calmy ask as well.

Has he been given another line to say, or is he the only child without a speaking role?

Oooh I do love a good drip feed

As a teacher, something along the lines of
My child was today about.... Last night and I wanted to reassure him, bit wanted to get the background from you first

Would go down absolutely fine.

It's fine to ask the teacher for a bit more information about the poem and how it was put together and how your DC is feeling or interpreted it.

Go in with a view of a sensible chat Vs "why is my child the only one excluded when others have two lines"

@WorraLiberty

Probably because he's eight years old.

Maybe you had the gravitas and confidence of a 45 year old barrister shortly after you ceased to use nappies but most children that age aren't ready to question their teacher.

IWouldPreferNotTo are you the OP now are you?

My question was to the OP.

You don't get to speak for her and you certainly don't speak for 'most 8 year olds' either, so wind your neck in.

I’m a teacher. I would want to know if a child in my class was upset. Hopefully it’s a mistake. Can’t imagine another teacher being deliberately cruel to an 8 year old autistic child! Bloody hope not anyway!

@Worral I asked him a few minutes ago and his response was that he doesn’t know his teacher well enough to open up about how he is feeling.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood having a good relationship with school really helps. It is very draining at the same time but it’s important your dd feels you are there to help with communicating her needs to school.

Thank you all - I’ll approach it gently with teacher.

I would want to know if a child in my class was upset about something like this. You should feel able to ask the teacher about it and maybe it would help your son see it's ok to speak up etc. I hope the teacher can reassure you both!

Tell him that this is a part of life, we don't always get what we want but no he can't skip the recital.

This depends on so many things. Did the children understand that their suggested lines might be rejected? Did the poem have particular aims and constraints? Was there something inappropriate in the line? How many lines were submitted? How long is the poem?

Etc.

What is that parent?

After choosing parts for the "Noahs ark" play my DS (Y2 at the time) came out in tears. I asked my his teacher why he hadn't ever been given a speaking role in any play they did (the whole time he'd been at the school) and she said something along the lines of, mostly every child puts up their hand for a speaking role, and she had to try and pick children who hadn't had any other "special activities" or roles lately, and DS had been to the sport club after school and lots of other kids missed out on a place. He also had one of the top classroom jobs, something like ipad monitor or something.

If I hadn't have asked I'd never haver known that but it makes total sense!

Ahh that's fair enough then OP.

I'd have a quiet word if I were you. It might even turn out that he's not the only child whose line wasn't included.

I would definitely speak to the teacher
It's possible to do so without being 'that parent'
It sounds shit to me

I think it can't hurt to ask and explain that he's upset; if only so she's aware that his Autism means he may struggle at times to open up to her about feelings.

My DS once came home and said that all the other children in his class had received an award and he was the only who hadn't.

I was 'that' parent and I did question it, and yes, he was the only one left sitting on the bench while everyone else was given an award.

Apparently his teacher found DS's ASD traits to be irritating. After my intervent, the same situation didn't happen again.

If you can't be 'that' parent for your son, the who will?

What is that parent?

It refers to a parent who instead of calmly and sensibly raising reasonable concerns in a reasonable way with school with an open mind, chooses to be raging and fuming and decide their half story is the full story, the sanctions don't apply to their child etc.

So in this situation:
That parent - Calls the teacher to complain about their child being excluded from a whole class event for no reason, accuses the teacher of picking favourites and demands their child's lines go back in otherwise they'll be speaking to the head.

Not that parent - Calls for a chat with the teacher about what DC has said, asks for a bit more information and talks like sensible adults.

I’ve taught this age and I would never have done something like that on purpose. Please tell the teacher how he is feeling. S/he may have valid reasons and underestimated the impact on your son or have got muddled, but at least they will be able to reassure and support your son if they know.
A good teacher cares how the pupil’s in their class are feeling and (excuse the language) doesn’t want to make any of them feel crap.

Omg. Mumsnet at its best. 😂🤭

Mumsnet is so wierd.

Of course you can tell the teacher who spends day in day out with your kid that something specific has upset them and ask politely what happened

I think that when your DS is a teenager or older you will wonder why you wasted so much
time thinking about things like this that happen and don't really matter - just let it go, tell him to let it go and understand that life isn't always fair.

@PaulGalico agree and totally aware that he will go through life being told that he’s not good enough. We have plenty of chats about it.

@seaweedandmarchingbands these are very helpful points. From what ds has said, there are as many lines as there are kids in the class. Each child needed to give a line about the chosen topic (favourite thing). He told me that his line was related to his pet (loves more than anything in his life and so can’t imagine he said anything inappropriate).

Really appreciate the advice everyone.

Ask, but approach it as DS is upset and you need to know how to support him and explain it rather than going down the its not fair route.

I wouldn't have deliberately left 1 child out for no reason, I may well have got confused/missed a line whilst others were calling out, in which case telling me DS was upset would solve it, because I'd apologise and work with him to add a line. Or there may be a reason, in which case I would explain.

Asking would not make you that parent. That parent would go in all guns blazing, probably use loud phrases like "its not fair" "favouritism" and "ruining their life" I believe they also get bonus points if they can bring up the reception nativity and the amount of unnamed items they have lost.

I’m a teacher and if a parent calmly asked me about this I’d be so grateful that they had, as even if I had intentionally left their child’s line out of the poem I would be devastated to hear that I had knocked a child’s confidence and I’d do everything possible to remedy the situation. There’s also a chance it was just an accident! So yes definitely do talk to the teacher. You won’t be being ‘that’ parent, as a PP suggested. It sounds like a reasonable question.

I’d talk to the teacher