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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i think this new job could be life changing for me but

19 replies

EtonMessed · 29/09/2019 09:36

it's a six month contract involving 2 months abroad.
I've always been the one juggling kids & house for the last 15 years around tiny bits of work. DH has had the ultimate freedom & flexibility to work away (and he has). He's nervous/negative about this temporary change.

How can I make this work?
The kids are getting more & more self sufficient, making meals, organised for school, etc.

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 29/09/2019 09:38

How old are the DCs?

MuchBetterNow · 29/09/2019 09:39

Go for it. How would he/they cope if you were in hospital? They'd just have to get on with it.

Tilltheendoftheline · 29/09/2019 09:39

2 months in one go?

You just need to make a plan together. Surely he planned with you when working away? So you could be sure it would work.

Becles · 29/09/2019 09:41

Go for it.

DH can learn to juggle the same way you did, only this time the kids are less likely to die if he gets something wrong.

Prep for the trip and avoid doing the wife work for him.

A basic list of routines and doctors/dentist details. Why do you need to do more?

Booboostwo · 29/09/2019 09:42

Yes, your DH can parent since he is, after all, a parent.

Sunshinelollipops1 · 29/09/2019 09:43

Why should you have to make this work? There’s 2 parents here. For the last 15 years it sounds like you have run round after your family. Now you have an amazing opportunity it’s your turn.

Tell your DH you are doing this and he needs to step up. You are going to do this.

How old are the children? Any family support?

dontgobaconmyheart · 29/09/2019 09:50

He needs to be looking into how HE can make this work OP. Sounds like he cares more about not having to inconvenience himself when the free domestic work wants a break, than he does that you are your own person and this is a brilliant opportunity for you.

Assuming the DC are teenagers (as you say 15 years and they have a good level of self sufficiency) then he is surely capable of this as their father, who's had as much time as you to understand their needs. I'd tell him it's important and as a family we'll be facilitating it, as we do for him, and sit down and work out how.

If it's life changing OP, don't let him take it from you because he'd rather you were home or because you have to pander to his claims he can't look after his own children.

What do your DC's think? Have you got other family locally who can support while you're away if required?

Ylvamoon · 29/09/2019 09:53

Firstly, how old are your DC? And other things to consider are any important exams coming up & have you left them before for more than 3-5 nights? Don't forget you have been the main carer it will rattle their world.

If all is good, go for it!

I am in a similar situation, as in I feel it's time for me to do some things for myself. First stop FT job with good career progression. (Cough & long hours) next step, visiting some of my friends who live abroad for a whole week in early summer (Cough alone). To name a few changes.
I started slowly, but now it's a case of "Dad is in charge today,... " very liberating!

Original poster
EtonMessed · 29/09/2019 09:59

It is life changing and it's a stupidly good fit for my skills (although I'm understandably nervous about over estimating them).

The kids are 15 & 13, no family on doorstep.

The one time I was in hospital he coped very badly but the kids are, as a pp pointed out, less likely to die now if it goes wrong. Because of DH's mindset, I have put a huge effort into getting them independant.

Fuck it, I'm going to say yes, it's a great time for the kids to see me going for it.

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 29/09/2019 10:00

Go for it. Your DH is fully capable of parenting for 2 months. He'll have to step up.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 29/09/2019 10:05

Why is it than men want kids, but don't actually want to parent them?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 29/09/2019 10:05

*that

Brefugee · 29/09/2019 10:11

Do it. And don't spend any time worrying about DH is going to manage

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 10:13

Fuck it, I'm going to say yes, it's a great time for the kids to see me going for it.

Fantastic. It sounds like a brilliant opportunity for you - and as a bonus, what a wonderful thing for them to see you doing.

73Sunglasslover · 29/09/2019 10:13

It's not your responsibility to make this work, it's you OH's. He's had an easy ride so far and it's his turn to take more responsibility now. You can share advice if he asks for it but otherwise sit back and start planning for your time abroad and your new job - congratulations BTW.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 29/09/2019 10:14

it's a great time for the kids to see me going for it.

Do it! This is such a great thing for them to watch you do.

Your DH will have to learn, just as all parents have to learn. There's no manual, no advice, it's just rolling your sleeves up and cracking on with it. And by 13 and 15 I can't imagine he has much to be fearful of.

custardbear · 29/09/2019 10:28

Go for it!! Good luck

Sunshinelollipops1 · 29/09/2019 10:31

@EtonMessed hurrah! You are setting a great example for your kids.

Original poster
EtonMessed · 29/09/2019 10:39

We've been together for 25 years now and although it's worked, I think the division of labour and missed opportunities regarding the kids has been very unfair.
This will shake up our relationship.

OP posts:
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