Hi, a few months ago I stopped visiting my inlaws due to their terrible behaviour over the years I have known them. I feel I made the right decision and have been much happier without their rudeness and criticism. I haven't stopped DSs from visiting with DH and am happy for this to continue as long as they treat the dc properly, which so far has improved drastically since I stopped going there.
Mil undermines me with the kids every fucking time we visit. Snidey digs at anything I say, about my family and job. Blanking me when I speak to them directly or walking out of the room when I am talking! I have bloody tried to be nice, I have done nice things for them and tried to seek their approval but not any more!
Mil has form for throwing wobblies when she doesn't get her own way. Fil hasn't had a single nice thing to say about anyone, just nitpicks and puts down others all the time, doesn't hold any kind of normal conversation, just constant negativity about everyone. I was starting to get anxiety about visiting and sitting in the house with the awful atmosphere, which made me get chest pains and have the runs before every visit, so I stopped going. I don't want to go into too many specifics but a big issue with dc1 has been constant criticism around their table manners, for which they have been called unkind names and ridiculed- every fucking time. However dc1 has very recently been diagnosed with a linked medical condition and I just feel so, so angry as DH and I have had to defend them so many times from pil's nitpicking as I knew that they struggle with many things involving dexterity and they are not just being lazy . (Long term co-ordination and motor skills issues which pil have been told repeatedly about.)
Anyway, I have now found out that I am pregnant, still v early days. I wouldn't want them to have contact with the baby without me there (aiming to breastfeed) However I don't want to begin speaking to them again. I don't know what to do. DH wants to continue seeing his parents which is his choice and when his DM asked why I stopped visiting recently he told her the whole shebang and said that he didn't blame me, he told them a few home truths of his own too but he said she seemed upset and then was fine after a few minutes and nothing has been said since, The dc want to continue to see them (they are older), however I have stopped them having unsupervised visits for now and they tell me if they have said anything unkind (which they haven't since I stopped going) as before that dc1 in particular would get v upset at comments made. So far it has all been much better, but I don't know what to do when the baby comes as dh feels that his parents should be able to see them, as his DM will be upset if not (fair enough, mine would be too!) I would really appreciate any advice please, thanks!