To be fed up of creepy guys

[getoutofthatgarden202]

Just sitting here at home, get a message through Instagram from the brother of my ex boyfriend - first saying "hi hope you are well been ages"

I reply with a "hi, all good, hope you and the family are well"

Then it escalates to - so are you still married??

I say yes.

He reply's "that's a shame, poor you being stuck with the one cock the rest of your life - I was gonna invite myself over and show you a good time"

I stop responding immediately - show my husband and he's like wtf - an hour later, lad comes back - sorry have that was a bit much haha - lolz!

Have just blocked

This is the 2nd time in a month that someone from my past has gotten back In touch with similar messages!

Is blocking enough?? Am I just letting them get away with speaking to woman like that - I can't be the only one they do this with! (Both of these men appear to be in relationships and have small children I must add)

😵

@Butchyrestingface has a point. This is now about warning other women out there about this predator.

He doesn't get to pretend legitimacy as a tradesman as a way to access women.

Scum bag.

Most women would never send messages like this to men, but plenty of sad and desperate ones do.

What messages? Where?

@DeeCeeCherry share the fuck out of those screenshots. Facebook, review sites, the police. Everywhere.

Random dick pics and sexual messages aren't attempted seduction techniques - they are the same as flashing someone.

The perpetrator is getting off on the shock and discomfort of the recipient, and their powerlessness to predict or stop it. The man is saying "I control whether our interactions are sexual, and if I decide they are, you don't get a say in that. Your response will be fear, disgust and repulsion - this makes me feel powerful, as well as forcing you to process all the shame and confusion I feel about my own sexual desires".

That is why making some cool comeback like "oh, it's like a willy only smaller" isn't the devasting response some people think it is. By forcing you to unwillingly look at his erection, the cyber flasher had already got what he wanted. He knows you aren't turned on - that's the point. Similarly any apologies after the fact are meaningless - he's got what he wanted, now all he is seeking to do is ensure there will be no consequences.

@ FineWordsForAPorcupine

A grim analysis but I'm sure the correct one.

@QuimJongUn YES.

I’d share the tradesman’s messages - obviously he is happy for them to be public!

@FineWordsForAPorcupine
Superbly written and I 100% agree.

I teach schoolgirls who admit to being sent dick picks and I think it's absolutely time that the law catches up, sharpish. Digital accountability is woeful and, in my book, if a breastfeeding mother of small children can be locked in a cell away from her babies for 10+ hours for saying that a human with cock and balls is a biological male, then deviant men who cyber flash women need the law to hold them accountable.

I suspect this won't happen though because of the sheer volume of these offences committed towards women and girls.

It's tempting to get our girls off social media (I do) but for Fuck's sake, men - sort yourselves out.

@Newsheet the thing that pisses me off the most about your comment is that I know you aren't without your instincts .

Do you check your surroundings and who's present if you're walking alone? If travelling alone on public transport, do you instinctively and subtly check what men are around? where the women are? Where escape routes are?
Do you make sure you're not being followed if driving in your car? Are you aware of the male gaze - I have 3 girls and have stared down men who follow them with their eyes. Have you ever been groped in a busy public area? Touched up in nightclubs? Cat-called? Wolf-whistled? Had your breasts spoken to instead of your eyes?

All this and more, we put-up with daily. All women and girls. Speak to your friends and relatives.

And before you state that we are men haters (yawn), I love the men in my life dearly but mostly because they are decent but also because they are acutely aware of male deviant behaviour and have been known to call men out on it.

If you have any instinct yourself, ask yourself why.

The amount of dick pics I have got I swear I will print off and stick it on a globe - then name it a World of Knobs. I will try selling it but I imagine most women have enough dick picks to make their own artwork of knobs

I think it was yesterday I was reading about a woman who got sent a dick pic from some random guy on Instagram. She sent him a picture of her own dick as she was transgender and not had the op. I bet that was a bit of a surprise for him.

Oh the dick pics 🤭 jaysis i- totally similar to flashers - maybe that's why we don't see as many flashers as in the past - they've moved to the digital world !! (There was a flasher I saw several times many years ago who operated in a park near our school - got a nice view of his willy a few times - so grim - police didn't seem to do much about it either when reported!

Poster who had the WhatsApp from a decorator - deffo report that, could be a danger to someone in future!

This lad proper regrets messaging me he is literally sending begging messages for me to not say anything to anyone, he was joking !
He's shitting a brick his gf and family are gonna find out! I've asked him if this approach usually works for him?? He's backpacking saying he never did this before... right..

Horrible. An ex-boyfriend got in touch with me recently. It went from polite chit chat to him making a 'joke' about us christening his new flat together blocked.

Backtracking not backpacking 😂

I like the idea of the screenshots to his mum, assuming she is not in poor health.

I'm still pretty good mates with his brother (my ex) think first point of call could be to let him know about this!!

I'm not letting it go!

I joined a photography group on Facebook & one of the members who runs his own media group sent me a friend request & messaged me to say hello.
Fine... as I've made several normal friends through Facebook groups....but then he said I wish I was there to give you a massage!!
I was a bit shocked so I replied back, Right.. & abruptly cut the conversation short.

One Facebook friend (friend of a doctor I've worked with) who I'm sure is married lives in Pakistan he's a lawyer.

He's asked me to meet him in Thailand in January where he will apparently pay for the all inc hotel & everything except my flight. He didn't say what he expects in return but he says he fancies me so it's obvious really.
I was quite shocked at that too.
I said thanks but I'm working all January.

Not had any dick pics from dating yet but had a lot of guys wanting me to come to theirs too soon.

This lad proper regrets messaging me he is literally sending begging messages for me to not say anything to anyone

He is scared that there may be consequences (because he thought he could treat you how he liked) and is now pressuring you to keep quiet about it.

he was joking

Well, if it was just a joke, where's the harm in sharing it with everyone? Everyone can enjoy his hilarious wit.

And also fuck him for saying he "should have respected your marriage"! As if the only reason not to crudely proposition you is because you "belong" to another man.

PLEASE send them to his ex or his mum, or both. Maybe they can make him understand how shitty this behaviour is.

*your ex

@Newsheet sorry, but I have to disagree with you here. I'm always happy to call out man-hating nonsense on MN, but that hasn't happened here (nobody has posted to suggest that men are all just sexual predators waiting to happen), and there is a man issue with this. It's just too prevalent and one-sided not to recognise that. I have plenty of female friends who are dating, who have been on the receiving end of this sort of uninvited sexual harassment. That just doesn't happen the same way to men (we have our own issues - the women who immediately turn their messages to money and say they want someone "generous"; or the woman I blocked this morning, because I didn't reply to her message yesterday when I was busy with the kids, and so she sent me an abusive and threatening message this morning for "ignoring her"! But we don't get sexually threatening messages like the ones women do). These guys are virtual flashers - they're no different to the perv in the park with the dirty mac.

I'm with those who suggest making friends and family aware. With the tradesman who was referenced by a PP, I do think that public warnings are appropriate - no way would I want a sexual predator (which these guys are) in my home around my daughters, or in anybody's home, if someone could have warned me about them. This shit will continue until there are real consequences for the men doing it.

@FineWordsForAPorcupine yess! You nailed it - that bit he said about respecting my marriage fuelled my annoyance even more - like he was apologising to my husband not me - because I'm not my own person it felt like!!

Na mate - even if I was single that kind of messaging still wouldn't be welcome !!!

Op please do it and make sure he's called out on this

Me too

And the excuses made for these men I would like to think only a few men are like this but sadly it’s not only a few men

Thankfully as I get older less harassing but the lack of respect because I am a woman still comes through

I call men out on things like this probably at least once a week - lads just passing by and whistling, or saying something like "hey you" or doing kissy noises -

a few months ago at the bus stop a guy shouts at me "oi blondie", cycling to work one day - pass a group of lads and one shouts "hey, bike girl " and they all think it's so funny?? I dunno!

I always call them out provided it's a busy place/other people around or whatever!

So with this guy - I've posted a screen shot of some of his messages on my Instagram story just now, sent it to my ex and said maybe you should have a word with your brother ??

Also have messaged the guy back myself just to clarify that woman don't like this, it's not cute etc...

Have now blocked !!