Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL brings the worst in me

42 replies

Acidburn · 29/09/2019 01:14

I will try to keep it short.

I have a BIL who I cannot stand. The reason being is that he is a trouble. He is 37, but he is a financial shithole due to his poor decisions. He has got no skills apart from driving, so he is a taxi driver. He was recently fire from uber (he called the manager c-word), and he is trying to do other taxi jobs. But every little penny he makes goes back to pay for the car (or service, petrol, insurance etc). Basically he's got very little disposable income after all those payments which is not enough for anything so he currently has a few thousand £ debt. My DP has been telling him for months now that he needs to change his job - possibly retrain for smth practical (plummer, electrician etc), but BIL is stubborn and doesn't listen.
Moving on - me and my DP have recently bought a house. Naturally DP offered BIL to live with us for a while (rent free), which would help him to sort out his life, pay debt, and change job. I obviously disliked the idea, but he is a gamily after all, so I agreed to this.
The problem occured tonight. We had some relatives over from Italy (they came to visit as now we can accomodate them because the house is big enough), and they are meant to leave in the morning. So either my DP or BIL was supposed to drive them to the airport in 5 hours. They said they are going to the pub for a beer. For 3 hours I have been calling and asking when the hell they are coming home as we were planning to eat dinner and sleep. The pub is 10 min walk away. In the end i had to go there with a car to find them all absolutely waisted, and nearly forced them to get into the car.
I argued with DP, but he went to sleep, so ill deal with him tomorrow. The problem is my BIL who refused to go to sleep, and started screaming downstairs, while cooking (drunk as hell). I asked him nicely a few times to stop screaming, but it only got worse. In the end I told him that if he doesn't stop - I'm gonna have to call the police. But he only started mocking me and screaming back ("Everybody, Catherine is angry! She said she's gonna call the police!"). At that point I went upstairs to write this thread.
AIBU to ask him to move out tomorrow when he wakes up? We allowed him to stay here as a favour, but I have a feeling that this man has zero respect for me.
Please share your wisdom, ladies - what should I do?

OP posts:
Shockers · 29/09/2019 01:19

There certainly needs to be a conversation!

How will your visitors get to the airport now? Will you drive them? Were they in the pub too?

Shockers · 29/09/2019 01:20

I don’t think he’s bringing out the worst in you either- he’s just a fool.

Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 01:23

What was he screaming about before you intercepted him?

He sounds like a plank so does your husband. it’s definitely him, not you.

Lentilbug · 29/09/2019 01:24

He has no respect for you. He has to leave. They will call you all kinds of nasty names when you make him go but at least they will respect you then.

Weenurse · 29/09/2019 01:24

Ask him to leave, consequences for his actions.
He can’t treat you like shit in your own home.

Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 01:24

If he’s still screaming, I would recommend voice recording it and playing it back to your husband tomorrow, once he’s emerged from his stupor.

Original poster
Acidburn · 29/09/2019 01:28

@Shockers my DP's cousin was with me at home, while her husband went to the pub. She is as furious as me. I suppose I have to drive them, as neither DP or BIL are fit to drive in 5 hours.
I am so angry. Another thing is that he was supposed to chip in with bills, but when I asked him for money - he completely ignored me. And then went to DP to say he hasn't got any. I mean - if you don't have £150 towards your living costs (when you pay no rent) - I really don't know what to say here. And to behave like this on top of it...

OP posts:
stanski · 29/09/2019 01:31

You need to have s serious chat with your DP. He cannot live in your house whilst disrespecting you and not paying his way and DP should make this clear to him

Original poster
Acidburn · 29/09/2019 01:33

@Butchyrestingface no idea, I don't speak Italian :)
My DP usually doesn't drink, maybe he just had too much, as he tried to speak to me but then just fell asleep. Ill wait until he wakes up and talk to him.

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 29/09/2019 01:42

Yanbu.

Buttttt your DP is a serious part of the problem so I would be having a looooong chat with him.
One thing to consider is family dynamics though - I found when I dated guys who had brothers when they got together they often revert to acting like 9 year olds. This may be an issue when the brother lives with you as he’s there all the time so your DP is a permanent child man...

I’d make him pay the £150 too - what an embarrassment of a man

MissLadyM · 29/09/2019 01:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Acidburn · 29/09/2019 01:54

@MissLadyM I am typing quickly on my phone, so I apologise for a few typos. No need to be rude though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Acidburn · 29/09/2019 01:58

@Totalwasteofpaper you are absolutely right!! DP is a completely normal person unless his brother is around...

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 01:58

@acidburn, I’ve just reported their ‘contributions’ to another thread - seems to be an emerging pattern.

RhinoskinhaveI · 29/09/2019 02:01

Harsh MissLady, harsh!
These blokes need their arses kicking don't they 🤬

Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 02:06

OP I think your dp needs to grow up. He can't fix his brother and maybe he is at risk of losing you if he puts his brother's feelings above your feelings.

Let them sober up then a serious chat about the future.

MissLadyM your post was painful to read.

Topseyt · 29/09/2019 02:19

Sorry, but I just wouldn't be able to live in the same house as someone like your BIL. My own BIL can be similar (he is also an alcoholic) and it is just a complete no-no.

Serious conversation to be had with DP here. His brother must move out. Why not call the police tonight if this twattery continues? You are being abused in your own home here by your BIL.

Topseyt · 29/09/2019 02:21

Oh, and any possibility of calling a taxi for your relatives to get to the airport? They can pay for it themselves as you have been very put out here.

Ebonyandivory2 · 29/09/2019 02:23

Oh fuck off @MissLadyM OP he needs to move out. You shouldn’t have to put up with that in your own home

Nancydrawn · 29/09/2019 02:34

Cooking while drunk is an excellent way to start a fire. I'd give your kitchen a quick checkin to make sure he hasn't left the burner/oven on.

acatcalledjohn · 29/09/2019 02:36

I'm not even sure a conversation is needed. Find his key, confiscate it, and throw the fucker out.

If your DH asks why make it clear that if BIL doesn't leave you will.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2019 02:42

How long has your bil been staying with you? Has he looked into retraining? It sounds as though he isn’t going to change so I’d be wanting him out, yes. I also think you should look into a taxi. You’re probably tired after not being able to sleep, no?

Topseyt · 29/09/2019 02:49

I'd be wary of threatening to leave my own home (it does say in the OP that OP and her DP have bought the house). It would be my absolute last resort.

BIL simply must go. He is unliveable with as he is an utter arsewipe.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/09/2019 02:56

He would bring out the worst in a saint.
Yanbu to be pissed off.
The only answer is he has to leave.

Ce7913 · 29/09/2019 08:16

BIL doesn't 'bring out the worst in you'.

He disrespects you in your own home.

He is a black hole of irresponsibility to which your children, if any, shouldn't be exposed.

He will never, ever have any incentive to change or grow as long as you and your husband enable him to live in a big comfy house with few bills and less responsibility.

You are enabling his failure to adult, at your own expense, no less.

And your husband is being an absolute tool.

Swipe left for the next trending thread