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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DP is telling people that I'm pregnant?

39 replies

Momma97 · 28/09/2019 22:32

I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and me and my partner decided together that we would start to tell people at about 12 weeks. I have had a miscarriage at 3 weeks previously and I am terrified of it happening again. The only person I have told is my Mum.
I told my DP that he should tell his Mum also but instead he told 2 of his best friends and his cousin.

AIBU to be upset about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Momma97 · 29/09/2019 06:01

@NoSauce I wouldn't have known what?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 29/09/2019 06:14

That you were pregnant a week after conception.

Jesse70 · 29/09/2019 06:23

Congratulations on your pregnancy
I can see why u got annoyed but honestly hrs just excited and wanted to talk to someone don't hold it against him it won't effect your pregnancy
Like nosauce said early miscarriages are very common and alot of people don't even realise they happen
Just stay positive and get on with your pregnancy

hardyloveit · 29/09/2019 06:53

When I read the title I thought he was telling everyone he knew. He has told his best friend and cousin?! I think YABU!

Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 29/09/2019 07:00

Definitely unreasonable. Poor fella, he’s just excited and over the moon and can’t hold his good news in.

All the best with your pregnancy.

Happygoldfinch · 29/09/2019 07:50

You are fortunate to have a partner who is so excited. Mine went all weird with shock for about a week as the reality of the responsibility hit him. I've never really forgiven him for that, and would my swap my memory of his reaction for a memory of your DP's reaction in a heartbeat! Smile

Original poster
Momma97 · 29/09/2019 07:51

My clear blue pregnancy test said 3-4 weeks and I miscarried a couple of days later. I'm not 100% on how far along I was at that stage but that was the estimation I had. Thanks for your input though @NoSauce

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 29/09/2019 07:52

I know it is annoying because he went against your agreement but if I were you I would want him to get support from wherever he needs it. Perhaps having his two best friends and his cousin in the know to support him until your pregnancy is further along is more useful for him than having his mother know.

soulrider · 29/09/2019 07:57

I think what NoSauce was pointing out is if a clear blue pregnancy test said 3-4 weeks you were actually 5-6 weeks pregnant going by the way pregnancies are dated.

If you've done the same for this pregnancy you may be 2 weeks more pregnant than you thought.

ForalltheSaints · 29/09/2019 08:12

YANBU. None of the pregnancies in my family were announced that early to the wider world (as it were), even for those with no previous difficult pregnancies.

nestisflown · 29/09/2019 08:59

I think YABU. It’s his baby too.

It might be his baby but it's OP's body and OP's news. At this early stage if OP had decided not to tell her DH she was pregnant, he wouldn't have known. She told him because they're a partnership. He has disrespected that partnership by telling others before the agreed time.

My husband didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 12 weeks (as I wasn't sure I wanted to keep the baby before that point). It's OP who is carrying the baby, just like it's her choice what she decides to do with the baby, it also should be up to her who she wants to know about what is happening to her body.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 29/09/2019 09:05

Mm. I think this is a bit of a tricky one. While I sympathise with your previous miscarriage (I had one at 6-7 weeks last year), that has little bearing on your current pregnancy. Early miscarriages like that are so, so common, and while I know it’s easier said than done, try not to worry too much.
On that note, I entirely disagree with the whole keeping it secret til twelve weeks in case of bad news, as in the case of bad news, surely the support of close friends and family would be very welcome indeed.
Admittedly this is a little by the by, as he agreed with you not to tell anyone beyond his mum and he has so I would be a little annoyed at that, but not angry. He’s just excited and wants to share the news.

GabriellaMontez · 29/09/2019 10:35

He broke your trust and that's what matters. It will be his baby one day but for now it's the Ops pregnancy. You need to know you can count on him.

NachoFries · 29/09/2019 17:00

Sorry for your loss. A loss at any stage can be gut wrenching Flowers And congratulations Easter Smile

If you used Clear Blue then if it shows 3+ it means you were 5 weeks.

I get that you want to be cautious because it’s still early days but I hope that it’s just nerves and nothing to be apprehensive about. Try to relax and just and take it easy Brew

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