To be mad about secrets..

[Notverycreatiive]

So, firstly I believe my partner to be telling the truth.

Unknown to me. A few months ago a manager at my partners place of work went above and beyond to help secure her a better job. During this time and since then, they have been having conversations on Skype and Skype chat, which isn't something my partner normally uses. They are both on social media but not friends..

During these chats he has confessed that he has feelings for her and will do anything for her etc... From what was left of the chat, he had also said she's made herself clear that she isn't interested. With that, she's told me nothing has ever happened, I believe her.

She has never once mentioned this guy to me and she turned off notifications for Skype. She's also been clearing the chat log on a daily basis.

We were on a road trip, I was DJ on Spotify flipping between chrome and Spotify I noticed Skype with an unfamiliar face, so I had a nose... I wasn't snooping, just pure pot luck.

With all that, I still find it highly suspicious, there's no need to keep anything from me, or hide conversations.

The last messages, she had called him babe and said sweet dreams.. which is what has really wound me up.. she isn't the type of person to randomly call people babe, which I've said if you're doing that knowing how he feels you're either leading him on or something has happened.. there is some type of connection there.

So am I being unreasonable for being angry? I mean I'm not angry as in shouting and screaming, more angry in my head and I don't mean to be but I'm being off with her, one word answers and not my normal self.

We are on a weekend away together so we've had a little row and I've left it at that, I don't wanna ruin the weekend anymore than I feel like it has been and naturally I've told the guys wife (I forgot to mention he is married)

His wife read the messages then blocked me.

I think you’re unreasonable to believe there’s nothing going on, to be honest. At the very least it sounds like they’re having an emotional affair. How can you be so sure that nothing else has happened? She is being incredibly disrespectful to speak to someone like that when she has a partner - to be constantly chatting with someone who has made it clear he has feelings for her. If nothing has happened and she’s actually not interested then why is she continuing with the inappropriate level of out-of-work contact, calling him ‘babe’, wishing him ‘sweet dreams’ etc. Either she’s loving the attention and leading him on, they’re having an emotional affair, or they’re having a full blown affair. Deleting conversations is proof enough that what’s being said isn’t okay. I mean this gently but I think you need to wake up a bit to what’s going on...

Yeah I also think there's some kind of feelings on her side, too.
You don't call somebody babe and say sweet dreams, or talk to them constantly if they're just your manager at work.

I know what you both mean, and if this was anybody else Id be saying the same thing, but, the saving grace is, he isn't based out of her office and hasn't been since he helped her get a better job, they have definitely never spent time together as my partner and I do literally everything together normally if she goes out without me it's on a girls night and it's normally a restaurant and she asks me for a lift back and forth.

She also said she felt like she owed him for the help, and didn't know what to do. Although she told him no, she didn't want to make an enemy of him. English is my partners second language and sometimes for things that require finesse, it is hard for her.

Normally I'm quite objective and very black and white but I can see it from her side.

I've told her that if anything else happens she must tell me as if I suspect something or come across something myself we are over. (We got engaged a month ago)

If what she was saying is true, telling me is the best option, I wouldn't be mad at her for getting attention (she gorgeous and it's expected) but I wouldn't be happy with her leading them on.

There's a young guy at my work that messages me daily on FB messenger. I work alone at home and he works alone as a plumber on the job and he admits he messages me for company on the job. He rarely messages in the evening and barely at weekends. He has a really nice girlfriend that he wants to propose to and I'm married so there's definitely nothing dodgy going on. We chit chat about work, the weather, hobbies etc. We don't say good morning or good night and there can be day long pauses in messages, like you'd have with any friend really.

The thing is, I don't delete the messages and neither does he! There's also no flirting or talk of feelings. Pretty much chat I'd be happy for my husband to see and other work colleagues to. He also offered to let me and my husband use the gym he has access to and joked he'd babysit our son if we wanted a night out (he has young cousins etc). He's just a young, chatty nice guy but I don't think this is the same situation as you have going on at all.

Warning signs are deleting messages

Not mentioning this person or mentioning them too much

The type of chat

The length of conversations and the good morning good night thing

@Notverycreatiive are you ok with an emotional affair but not physical?
I'm not judging you at all. People have different boundaries.

For me, my DP calling someone else 'babe' would be enough to walk away.
I can understand how 'sweet dreams' could be innocent if it's her second language

I'm not ok with any type of affair, but what has split my thought process is the fact she said she was scared of the repercussions of shutting down a manager at her company.

It's very hard for me, I have anxiety, my mind questions everything to a silly degree, to cope, I try to ignore it as much as possible which makes my gut instinct not as reliable as it used to be.

But as a message from him indicated that she had said she has no feelings for him, all I can really see is that she has been leading him on a little with the babe and sweet dreams (obviously I can literally only see a handful of messages and not knowing what else has been said would send me crazy if I let it.. I have nothing to rely on but trust?)

I know if I was outside looking in, I'd be calling me an idiot.. but there has literally never been another instance like this.. and the circumstances and reasons seem to fit? I think?

What's her reasoning for deleting the messages?

I'm just trying to help you see all the facts. I don't think this is something you're overthinking.

She didn't really have an answer for it, which is what I moaned about the most.. if what I can see upsets me.. what I can't see is probably worse.

Telling his wife hasn't caused me or my partner any issues.. and my first post isnt quite in chronological order.. I told his wife whilst confronting my partner and giving him shit at the same time.. who says men can't multi task huh?

If you were the wife are you saying you'd rather not know? If you were me are you saying you'd do differently? Why should he be let off for trying his luck whilst married?

I'd like to have known what was happening behind my back.

I can 100% say I'd be glad you told me.

Is she going to cut communication with him now?
Keeping him onside isn't going to work out for her now so no need to carry on the communication.