to not know how to act now

[Fletchasaurus]

I started a new job recently and thought it was going really well. It's only a small office and the team have been together for a few years before so I didn't think it would be immediate, but I thought we had gelled really well considering and the other team members said the same.

My colleague switched her computer off on Friday and it didn't shut down properly so I went to check on it. We all use an instant messaging service (so you can have a private conversation or public) and her conversation with our manager was on the screen.

She'd made some fairly unpleasant comments about me interrupting her that morning (I didn't know I had as she responded to me!) and that she couldn't be bothered as she was busy and then my manager had replied saying that she is glad she got it over the system (she had asked what had happened to make me late for work and I told her as a message) as apparently I cannot 'read a room'.

I'm upset by the comments but i think its really unprofessional of my manager! Neither of them have ever said anything to me and now I'm worried about joining any conversations and don't want to talk at all!!! AIBU to feel this way?

That’s shitty and uncomfortable for you. Just try not to take it personally, everyone gossips/moans about everyone. Are they two women?

That's horrible for you. I think we all sometimes say things in private that we would never say to someone's face, and especially in messages, but the fact it was to a manager is tough on you. YANBU. But maybe try and set yourself a time limit for being pissed off about it and then move on from it. Sometimes, in my experience, colleagues who've seemed to hate each other have become best friends...

To answer the question, yes it is two women. I can perhaps understand that my colleague (same level) had a moan, but the manager comments are unacceptable to me. It feels sneaky and underhand. I feel like I just have to sit quietly in my corner now. I fully accept I'm quite bubbly and I do chat, but I don't usually start the conversations (except for the morning as I was late and explaining why).

Don't let them being hateful be your issue. Keep being kind and from now on, ask before you start talking to that specific female or your boss. "Is this a good time or should I come back?" Be confident in the knowledge of who you are and don't let anybody tell you different. Shake it off and let it go. You're feel better...