Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you about your hour long commute

68 replies

TravellingSpoon · 28/09/2019 19:44

or if you had one and gave it up, how long did you do it for?

DH has done it previously and his current commute is 45 minutes, but he says that an hour is too long for a job that I want to take, despite my explaining that it would be really beneficial for my career (which I am just getting back on track, he is at the top of his because I spent 13 years being everything for everybody because he couldnt, but that is another thread!)

Should add that I wont be commuting at rush-hour times.

OP posts:
coffeeagogo · 28/09/2019 20:14

London - I do 75 mins (on a good day to go 13 miles) bus and 2 tubes (standing the whole way) I suspect it is the worst type of commute but is still doable

makingmammaries · 28/09/2019 20:15

I’ve been doing that for 14 years, by car. Allows me to have a job I love and live in a place where I feel comfortable. The commute itself is a pain but I listen to podcasts and remind myself that I need the job.

cyclingwife · 28/09/2019 20:15

An hour each way, have survived it for 15 years now.

Winters are unbearable. From late October I just take each week at a time praying for British Summer time to come around quickly

SleepyKat · 28/09/2019 20:16

Hated it. Lasted a year.

Sometimes I drove and sometimes took the train. Both equally bad. Train was boring, cold/hot, crowded and often late. My dreams of enjoying podcasts and kindle books weren’t the same as reality.

I think if it was a traffic free route and you enjoy driving it could be ok. But heavy traffic or delays will cause stress.

SleepyKat · 28/09/2019 20:17

Dh commuted 1hr30mins for years and found it ok.

MarshaBradyo · 28/09/2019 20:18

Driving would put me off. I could handle trains because you can zone out and relax but I’d find driving extra draining.

Waterdropsdown · 28/09/2019 20:21

I commute an hour each way and think nothing of it. Work 4 days a week. Just moved from a 45 min commute and I prefer the new one as it’s less “bitty”. Where I work an hour is nothing there are lots of people spending 1.5/2 hours each way commuting.

HippyChickMama · 28/09/2019 20:21

My commute is between 45mins and an hour each way depending on traffic. I quite enjoy the time alone after the chaos of getting the dc ready and to school tbh and I've been using the time to learn a language using a language course on CD!

WhatTiggersDoBest · 28/09/2019 20:21

If it's an hour on Google it's going to be a LOT longer quite often. Mine was allegedly about an hour on Google but in reality it was often over 90 minutes long. Just long enough to lose the will every morning/evening in standstill traffic and long enough for my calf to get sore from being pushed on the clutch for so long. And that wasn't even during rush hour.

IronicalCallSign · 28/09/2019 20:22

I've never had a job with a shorter than 1hr commute! Door to door it's always been 60 to 90 mins.. various modes, own transport, or bus or train.

Sounds like your DH isn't ready to step up and support your career despite the 13 yr sacrifice op. What a shit partner.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 28/09/2019 20:22

(I managed mine for 3 years then I got completely burnt out from it)

BlackberryandNettle · 28/09/2019 20:23

1hr door to door seems normal to me. Bonus if a chunk of it is on a train with a guaranteed seat. I honestly find it relaxing so long as trains working

Yeahsurewhatever · 28/09/2019 20:23

I did 4 hours a day for 2 years
And 5.5 hour return trip for a while too
It's fine
You can't do anything else at all and my dp did have to pick up the slack
But it's really helped my career and I'd do it again for a short period if it would help me.

1 hour is not that big of a deal if it's going to help you.

TooLittleTooLate80 · 28/09/2019 20:23

It can depend on the stress of the drive. I do 40-50 minutes with no traffic through gorgeous countryside at the moment (barring the odd tractor). My previous role was a 50-60 minute commute on a motorway and a shocking ringroad into a small city. I'd fly up the motorway then be at the mercy of the ringroad which could take between 5 and 20 minutes without reason from one day to the next which always had me on edge.

ragged · 28/09/2019 20:24

I couldn't do it if driving.
I do actually do it cycling/train. Train/cycling are fine.

MyKingdomForACaramel · 28/09/2019 20:25

I’ve done well over this both on trains and in the car (and in rush hour). You’ll be fine. Get some audiobooks for the car, podcasts etc as the radio gets boring pretty quick.

Yeahsurewhatever · 28/09/2019 20:25

Just to add
anything 1 hour or under and I'm pretty happy with when I get a job

I think a 10/15 minute commute is obviously the dream
But there's really not that much difference once it's 45mins or an hour

Is there another reason he doesn't want you to take the job / be away more

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 28/09/2019 20:27

There is no way I would take a job that was an hour's drive. What a waste of time. Admittedly mine is a also an hour, but on foot (so about four miles) but it's a nice way to spend the time, good exercise, podcast, get my shopping done on the way home so it doesn't seem as bad.

Thisisstrange2019 · 28/09/2019 20:30

I used to work 10 minutes from home but became bored of the job and didn't see any career opportunities there.

I moved to a job with a commute of 1hr plus each way and am so much happier now.

littleorangecat22 · 28/09/2019 20:30

Did it for 4 years. Just over an hour. Got expensive and tiring. Wouldn't do it again unless I had to.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 28/09/2019 20:31

I commute 1.5 hours by train and then walk/tube and have done for 13 years. It's a drag if I'm working late, but otherwise I find it ok.

I'm not sure I would do so well with a longish drive but DH did a 50 minute drive for nearly 8 years and said it was fine - he listened to the radio and audiobooks a lot. After 5 years working much more locally he's just gone back to a similar length drive and now there are podcasts too!

IronicalCallSign · 28/09/2019 20:40

To the people saying what's the point, it's a waste of time/expenses.. for people playing the long game (getting back into the workplace, wanting specific project experience, maybe a plan to request more flexible working once a known employee, or look out for internal moves closer to home, whatever)...

Too many women look at the short term (what works for childcare, getting home to start dinner etc) it's another insidious way women's careers are held back in a way most men's aren't.

Why are mothers only able to consider 60% of the career options available to them, when fathers look at the whole 100%? It's another shit situation where dads aren't pulling their weight, and their wives basically cover it up for them.

It's shit and setting a terrible example to DCs.

Vulpine · 28/09/2019 20:57

I've generally not commuted more than 25 mins before or after the kids

MaMaMaMySharona · 28/09/2019 21:00

An hour commute in the car wouldn’t bother me so much. I used to work in London and commuted an hour and a half each way on trains/tube. Did it for 2 years and got so fed up I moved to the north Grin

Celticrose · 28/09/2019 21:34

I did a hour commute each way for 18 years. It was fine apart for when it snowed which was rare. Though I did notice a increase in traffic volume over the years but a decrease on Fridays due I think to some people going to a 4 day week. Also it was a breeze during the school holidays. The last few years I car shared which was a big help. Some of the people I worked with had just as long a commute or even longer.