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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or Dh?.... Purchasing a car!

56 replies

Itsfineactually · 28/09/2019 18:56

We are a 1 car family, have been for 12yrs. We’ve never really needed or justified a 2nd car as I was working freelance or a sahm, and my dh works away offshore 3 weeks on/3weeks off.

So I have sole use off the car when he’s away and then we share when he’s home. I used to get the train to work so never needed it for commute.

3 weeks ago I started a new job which I can’t get the train to. It’s only 9 miles away so I have been driving it when DH is away, or a mix of driving it, cycling and him dropping me off when he is home.

I want a 2nd car. My reasons being that when I take if for work he is left with no transport... we are in a tiny village arse end of nowhere. I love cycling and I’m physically fit enough to do it regularly but it will be getting icy soon and the lanes are narrow/dark/not salted. Lastly, when he drops me off we have to bring dc (10 & 5) with us at 7:30 each morn and then to collect at 4:30 each day. I think it’s unfair on them and gives me little flexibility to stay longer in work if needed (teacher).

His reason is that there will be a car sitting on the drive for 3 weeks at a time, extra expense (we’d need a loan) and he doesn’t mind dropping/picking me up.

What do you think? Who is being inreasonable?

OP posts:
SavetheMinden6 · 28/09/2019 18:59

What happens if the sole family car breaks down/is damaged in an accident/stolen? Get a second one.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/09/2019 19:24

I’m with your DH. I wouldn’t take a loan out on a car that would be sat doing nothing for half the year just to save the children a car journey collecting a parent. Surely if you want to work later, he just collects later?

Original poster
Itsfineactually · 28/09/2019 19:31

@SavetheMinden6 I see what you mean but I don’t think that argument will sit with dh as we’ve been so used to 1 car and dealing with things going wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsfineactually · 28/09/2019 19:33

Are you my DH @IceCreamAndCandyfloss? 🤣

The 2nd car would be a small 3 door runaround like a Citroen, approx 5yrs old. The loan would be 4k at most and we earn collectively 4.5k monthly. If that makes a difference

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsfineactually · 28/09/2019 19:34

The only debt we have atm is our mortgage. No credit cards or other loans.

OP posts:
AbsolCatly · 28/09/2019 19:37

What about hiring a car for when DH is home, this worked for a couple I know

AnotherEmma · 28/09/2019 19:40

YANBU

But would moving house be an option so you're closer to the train station (or other public transport options) for the person who doesn't have a car?

If not I think you'll need a second car or you could compare the price of buying one v hiring one when you need it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/09/2019 19:48

The loan would be 4k at most and we earn collectively 4.5k monthly. If that makes a difference

If the loan is for less than a months income and you still needed a loan for it, I’d be highly worried about finances and a second car that wouldn’t even be on my radar.

ForalltheSaints · 28/09/2019 19:50

I don't think you should get a second car. If you look at even the time it will be a minor inconvenience I expect you could hire a car only three or four times a year. As you are a teacher, there are weekends when you are not in school and at least two of the 12 times your DP is at home.

Mummyshark2018 · 28/09/2019 19:50

It does sound like it would be underused. Can you not buy a very cheap run around car that you don't have to get a loan for?

meccacos2 · 28/09/2019 19:51

Can’t you save up over the next few months for the car? At the moment the inconvenience is only 3 weeks out of every six. For 6 months, put the money away for the new car. That will cover you for all of winter when he comes and picks you up.

It’s a compromise for both of you. You want another car, he doesn’t. The compromise is you get a new car, but for half the year he continues dropping you off and picking you up. It also means you don’t have a loan.

Could also mean you get a nicer car at the end of it. You might use the 6 months savings purely as a deposit and get a nicer car with a loan.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/09/2019 19:52

If you earn 4.5k a month and only have mortgage debt then why have you no savings to buy it with?

GetUpAgain · 28/09/2019 19:56

I'd suggest you always take the existing car to work. If it starts getting inconvenient for DH to be stranded/have to cycle/walk he will then have to deal with it because hes the one who didn't want another car. This way you both win.

GetUpAgain · 28/09/2019 19:57

LOL at the people with savings... in reality no one I know has savings!!!

AlexaAmbidextra · 28/09/2019 19:57

But would moving house be an option so you're closer to the train station (or other public transport options) for the person who doesn't have a car?

Isn’t this a bit overkill? ‘Shall we get a second car?’ ‘Get a new house instead’.

Teacakeandalatte · 28/09/2019 19:59

If he doesn't agree then you should be allowed to take the car and he puts up with the inconvenience of the bike/train etc.

user1480880826 · 28/09/2019 20:00

@SavetheMinden6 that’s a ridiculous reason to buy a second car. Have you heard of global warming?

By your logic we should all have spare washing machines, TVs, husbands etc.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 28/09/2019 20:00

How much would using uber add up to? Would that be an option? It car share to work with someone who will drive 1 week in 3 if it is a bit out of their way? Motorbike?

DottieLottie1 · 28/09/2019 20:01

Erm @GetUpAgain how would you know? 4.5k monthly take home and just a mortgaheof debt, wouldnt take long to save. Where's your m8ney disappearing to OP?

GettingABitDesperateNow · 28/09/2019 20:01

Also I agree that if its leas than one months income then it shouldn't be too difficult to save for it over a few months?

CleverLoginName · 28/09/2019 20:03

Get a second car. I don't know how working couples with kids manage with only one

TheTrollFairy · 28/09/2019 20:04

I think you should ride it out for a bit and then see what it’s like as and when the time comes that’s he’s at home, you need a lift in and a lift back. I wouldn’t buy a car now until it’s really not doable.
Saying that, my OH has a second car which he uses maybe 2 times a week in the warmer months (it’s an old piece of crap‘classic’ car so not suitable for winter months) and we get by with me dropping him off and picking him up on my day off work

RedskyLastNight · 28/09/2019 20:08

I don't think you need a second car - no. Clearly you want one, which is a whole different question.

As it seems to be mostly DH inconvenienced by not having a car, and he presumably doesn't mind, I can't see this as a problem. If you don't like the DC having to come out and collect you (surely the 10 year old at least could be left?) why don't you get a taxi in the mornings and they just pick you up (or you get a taxi home as well, of course). On the basis you say you cycle when the weather is not too bad, it sounds like just paying for the occasional taxi will be much more cost effective.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/09/2019 20:15

LOL at the people with savings... in reality no one I know has savings!!!

I don’t have savings. But I also don’t have a monthly take home of 4.5k with no other debts except a mortgage! Grin

But plenty of people do have savings. It’s really not that odd you know!!

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/09/2019 20:17

I'd suggest you always take the existing car to work. If it starts getting inconvenient for DH to be stranded/have to cycle/walk he will then have to deal with it because hes the one who didn't want another car. This way you both win.

Yep.