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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To talk to school?

13 replies

JustForaChangeHey · 28/09/2019 18:07

Genuinely don't know whether I would be or not. DD is Y3, has been told she has to stay in at playtime next week for pushing another child. DD says this didn't happen, that the other child actually pushed her, and 2 other children backed this up.

Teacher said it wasn't witnessed by an adult, so it seems this has been done on the word of another child.

DD is upset and understandably thinks it's unfair. If she'd done it I would obviously be backing school all the way and tell her she'd done wrong so has to take the consequence.

For what it's worth she's never been in any trouble at school and this would be out of character. My instinct is to speak to her teacher about it but will they think I'm the awkward interfering parent?

OP posts:

lovemenorca · 28/09/2019 18:08

What are you hoping to achieve?

I have no problem going to my children’s school but I always have in mind what I’m hoping to achieve

BlingADingDing · 28/09/2019 18:10

Yes, go in and have a chat with her teacher

IAmMyOwnPerson · 28/09/2019 18:12

Yes of course go in and talk to the teacher. Just don't go in all guns blazing. The more communication between parents and teachers, the better the care.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/09/2019 18:14

I would speak to the school about it. I always start with checking the facts are right.

Original poster

JustForaChangeHey · 28/09/2019 18:16

Well I'd hope they'd reconsider and lift the playtime ban, it seems very harsh to be kept in all week even if she had done it. She's really upset to be accused of something she hasn't done and not be listened to. I cant see how they can issue a punishment with no proof.
Or maybe there's some info missing, in which case the teacher can fill me in and explain why.

OP posts:

WombatStewForTea · 28/09/2019 18:22

Are you saying that other children have confirmed that she pushed the other child? Children do lie you know. As a teacher it's incredibly frustrating when you don't actually know what happened and you can't win. Ultimately you're saying the other children are lying and the other children are saying your child is lying. Why should the teacher take your word that the other children are lying? What if their parents call up on the bounce after you and say your child is lying. Who does the teacher believe
I'd be very surprised that she's being kept in every play time it's probably just one.

Original poster

JustForaChangeHey · 28/09/2019 18:30

No, it's definitely every playtime, I've checked this on the behaviour policy online.

The other children confirmed that she didn't push anyone, and the other child pushed her. The other child then told the teacher DD pushed them.

OP posts:

Byebyebyebyebye · 28/09/2019 18:34

As a teacher I think that policy is shocking!! I wouldn’t be happy as a parent either. God whatever happened to talking about it and getting the children to apologise!!

VividImagination · 28/09/2019 18:41

I think it’s fine to speak to the teacher about it in a “Dd’s been upset as she feels she got the blame for something she didn’t do.” Ask the teacher what happened.
Ds had never had a red card or amber warning all through primary until he was given an amber card for something someone else did. I just let it go at the time as it was a very stressed supply teacher. However some months later the head teacher had a special party for everyone who hadn’t had a card all year. Ds was excluded from it and was so, so upset. I wished that I’d dealt with it at the time.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/09/2019 22:36

I think that being kept in all week for one incident of pushing would be totally disproportionate, even if it had happened!

TrainspottingWelsh · 28/09/2019 22:54

Yanbu. If it was something like a friend whispering to her and both being punished, I wouldn't bother. But imo being unkind to another dc and then going off to pretend you're the victim is really manipulative and far more cruel than being outright horrible. Your dd doesn't deserve to be punished and the other child doesn't deserve to have their deception rewarded or encouraged.

Of course I would go in with an open mind in case there was a backstory or something else had occurred prior to that. But either way a whole week is stupidly excessive for pushing on one occasion.

Witchend · 28/09/2019 23:06

I would think it's very unlikely that the other girls confirmed that she didn't push him and he pushed her and they've taken his word for it, unless they have form for backing each other up regardless (have known that happen in a group) and someone else saw it and has confirmed his version.

I would go and ask the teacher, but be prepared to be told that either the girls didn't say that or an independent someone else saw her do it.

itsmecathycomehome · 28/09/2019 23:10

I think it's fine to mention it to the teacher but please do prepare for the possibility that your dd admitted it or that it was witnessed by a lot of other children/staff.

I teach and this has happened to me many, many times. I always try to be as gentle as I can, and I don't blame them for wanting to believe their own child.

Every breaktime is a harsh punishment, and I think it's unlikely to have been implemented without proof.

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