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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have not sent a birthday card to my mum

13 replies

AnxietyDream · 28/09/2019 15:21

So my mum's birthday is today.

On Wednesday I started feeling sick, promptly followed by vomiting every half hour or so for the next twelve hours. Then there was another two days with occasional vomit if I tried to eat or drink and frequent diarrhea nausea/headaches/temperature I was so weak feeling I could barely stand. And I had to deal with all this whilst also being in charge of a baby and toddler (mercifully fine), and DH came down with it too so while he has been as supportive as possible, it's been pretty dire.

One night the toddler only had toast for dinner because neither of us could cope, baby spent too long crying for milk because I couldn't physically breastfeed while puking, bins didn't get taken out because we couldn't lift them, house dropped into chaos because cleaning/washing was just not possible etc.

DH talked to my parents on an unrelated matter and let them know how sick we both were. They sent a sympathetic message and advice to eat toast.

Today we are through the worst, and DH has ventured out of the house for the first time in days and I asked him to throw a card in the post for my mum from all of us. It will obviously arrive late but I figured they would understand.

I also sent a text wishing her happy birthday (I know she is out for the day with friends celebrating so can't call until this evening).

My dad has sent a snarky response asking if we 'forgot' her birthday and I'm feeling really upset by it. I love my mum, I don't want her to feel unappreciated, but we've been seriously struggling to get the kids fed and looked after and they think I should have been worrying about posting a card?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 28/09/2019 15:27

Your dad is rude. Just point out that you have already texted her so clearly not forgotten, remind him you've all been ill so you've not been as on top of things as you usually are but card is in post. You're ringing them later and look forward to hearing how your mum has enjoyed her birthday.

(My mum has pulled this kind of attitude a couple of times, it usually transpires she's upset about something else. Staying calm and factual is the best approach.)

Walnutwhipster · 28/09/2019 15:35

I was seriously ill in hospital on DM's birthday in early March. I sent a card via Moonpig. On Mother's Day I was still there, 50 miles from home. I got a local florist to deliver flowers to her. Mum died in July. I'll never get the chance again. Your dad was snarky but you don't need to leave your bed to send cards and gifts.

BeanBag7 · 28/09/2019 15:39

@Walnutwhipster OP wasn't as seriously I'll as you but she was basically incapacitated for a week. It sounds like you had time to order a card online from your hospital bed - OP didn't. She didn't even have time to feed her children. I know which I would prioritise.

Rose789 · 28/09/2019 15:44

You poor thing. This is the last thing you need on an absolutely shitty week.
I would text your dad back saying you clearly haven’t forgotten as you text to say happy birthday and that you will phone your mum when she is back from her day out. But he’s clearly forgotten that you and dp have been extremely poorly and have a baby and a toddler to look after and thank him for his ‘support’

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/09/2019 15:50

walnut presumably you weren't juggling looking after a baby and a toddler whilst vomitting from your hospital bed.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/09/2019 15:53

Yanbu OP.
I think that's crap of your dad and he needs putting right.
Hope you feel better soon.

Idontwanttotalk · 28/09/2019 16:11

@ BeanBag7

"OP wasn't as seriously I'll as you but she was basically incapacitated for a week."
The OP only started feeling sick on Wednesday, 4 days ago. So hardly incapacitated for a week.

The DH knew her DM's birthday is today and OP could have asked her DH to order a card from Moonpig.

Nanny0gg · 28/09/2019 16:27

I take it they live too far from you to have helped out?

namechangedforthis1980 · 28/09/2019 16:33

YANBU op - same sort of thing my Dad would do to me. I'm sure ( or hopeful) he doesn't really mean to upset me but he can be pretty thoughtless. It's especially upsetting if you're not usually forgetful at sending stuff

AnxietyDream · 29/09/2019 22:54

Thanks for the support all. Spoke to my mum that evening and apologized that the card would be late, she was fine, though I did hear my dad in the background make a snarky comment about 'better not forget next year' (it's a round number birthday next time) - which I ignored.

I sent a card via Moonpig.

I've never used that, so it wouldn't have occurred to me.

I take it they live too far from you to have helped out?

They didn't offer but I wouldn't have accepted any help for fear of them catching it - I wouldn't of wished it on my worst enemy.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 29/09/2019 23:36

Very unfair of your dad. You were dealing with being sick, birthday cards are very low priority when you have noro or similar. I hope you’re all better. I’d be having words with your dad.

user1493494961 · 29/09/2019 23:37

If I wanted to be certain of a card arriving by Saturday, I would have posted it at the beginning of the week.

0DimSumMum0 · 30/09/2019 00:09

That's really insensitive of your Dad. To be honest they should have offered to have your children so that you and your husband could look after yourself and get better.

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