Will try to keep it brief. Met DP few years ago when he moved into my place as a lodger. I was recently moved to new area and we quickly got together and because of the circumstances lived together as a couple from the beginning. Early on I broached the subject of him moving into his own place and our discussions lead to me agreeing to trying to make things work living together, for various reasons. For the most part things are good, but a few years down the line and I feel frustrated as I don’t feel I have established a life independently of my partner, and I feel somewhat isolated. Not that he stops me doing anything, but he’s happy spending a lot of time together and doesn’t go out a huge amount (although does pursue some of his own interests and maintains friendships). So I find that we spend a lot of time together and I’ve gone from a previously quite independent person to feeling very much like this relationship is the main event in my life.
I don’t want to break up. We’re saving to buy a house further down the line. However, I do feel some unease about how things have unfolded (I feel that we’ve missed out on building and pursuing our own lives at the same time as developing our relationship) and would like the opportunity for us to live apart for a while and move into the next phase of our lives (a long term commitment) as a positive, purposeful decision actively taken, and not a situation that has just gradually been slipped into. He’s understandably not keen on being the one who would have to move out and have the upheaval of finding his own place. I totally get that but think it would be good for us and also feel that I put my own needs aside early on in the relationship to accommodate that. I sometimes feel rather resentful about it if I’m honest. But then wonder if it’s actually unreasonable of me to suggest that we do this. I’d probably be pretty rocked and unsettled if the shoe was on the other foot, so I am sympathetic. AIBU?