To think that opposites can't make it long term.

[Allinadaystwerk]

A young lady I've known since she was little kind of like a niece (let's call her Jo) often calls me to chat or cones to visit when she's back in town and confides in me quite a bit.
Jo has been with her bf for 2+ yrs. Jo is at uni studying medicine she is bright beautiful outgoing and hard working, really she is! Her bf is a creative. He has no qualifications and is self taught in digital animation. Very talented self employed but 0-very low income all the time.
They share some core values but he often has to rely on her to help him out financially when she really cant afford it. Her parents are not wealthy at all and it's a stretch to study at this level.
In short they are real opposites in so many ways and sometimes I just don't see how it will work in the long term. They plan to marry he proposed early on in the relationship. AIBU to think they will not make a good long term couple? Should I tell Jo to think about leaving?

YABU. Whatever your relationship with her she won’t thank you for criticising her partner and if she’s young you’ll likely push them closer together.

"they share some core values" In what way are the opposites?

Surely sharing core values is a good basis for most long term relationships?

Yabu ! He could make lots of money in the future it’s hard for anyone who is young

Yabu. Let her make her own decisions

Well I kind of agree with that sentiment of staying out of it but she is telling me more recently that she finds his attitude frustrating and she when she tries to discus his debt or being broke and suggests he finds a pt job to help fund himself he gets offended and sulks. They were meant to be going out to a smart venue the other day and he showed up quite scruffy. When she mentioned it he said your mood has put me off in not going now and she went alone. She was really sad about it.

my husband and I are ‘total opposites’ in terms of our jobs/ abilities etc but we share the same core values. He’s an incredible husband and father.
I don’t think it’s your place to make decisions for her to be honest. She’s old enough to figure it out for herself.

Should I tell Jo to think about leaving? Not unless you want to damage your relationship with Jo beyond repair or, at least, ensure she doesn’t see you quite as much.

The thing is, her career is likely to take off after uni and the hours she’ll probably be working will be insane. Will the relationship survive that? It’s a non issue. And if it does survive, then it’s clearly because they really want to be together and make each other happy. It’s not your decision to make. All you can do is be there if she needs your advice.

Sounds a bit like me and an ex when I was a student. I woke up one morning and saw the light and finished it that day.

We were together 4 years and very devoted to each other when I suddenly thought about the reality of a lifetime of supporting a bit of a drifter.

Nothing anyone else said to be would have a made a jot of difference I had to see it myself.

I agree that he could and cup making a shed load of money and he is good at what he does. I just don't want her to end up carrying the heavier load and becoming resentful.
They are opposite in their work ethic. She is driven organised and plans. He is laid back and tends to bury his head in the sand then regrets it when the shit hits the fan.

You can listen but I wouldn’t actively agree with any complaints she has about him or pass judgement. I ended up in a very sticky situation with a friend I’ve known for decades who used to call me every time she and her bf had a fight or he was a wanker about something. I didn’t see her often and she never once told me anything good about him so I grew to loathe him and while she’d miserably offload in the bad times she’d then get defensive about staying with him because she was embarrassed she’d told me what a shit he often was.

I ended up not being able to go their wedding for very good reasons but she’s never really forgiven me because I don’t think she believed the reason and thought I wasn’t agreeing with the marriage. They’re still together, two kids now, and he’s still a useless tosser but she wasn’t going to listen so I never bothered to try and rescue her.

I doubt will advise her to leave but it's hard to hear sometimes. Part of me is concerned she will live to regret making a life with him.

tbh if you need to ask others I would tell 'jo' you are not the best person to ask these things.

Some sound advice on here thanks. I will try to listen and not advise but I do love her like my own.

Gatherly your experience is encouraging. Hopefully she will make a good decision that us best for her

@Lilqueenie you may well have a good point there tbh.

Op, you will probably turn out to be right in the end. There is a thread on here that is several pages long that highlights the very real problem with couples with very different attitudes towards money, spending and saving. Money issues will always come up eventually.

My friend is like this but it seems to work. Let her figure it out herself. Maybe ask how she feels about the future etc but not tell her what to do!

maybe he will become a SAHD f they have kids...maybe not who knows.

We spoke about him being a sahd and she said she would really like to be part time when she has kids. I think I need to let it play out. His sulking is definitely a concern though. I guess we shall see

His attitude might mean she can have it all. If they share core values and she wants kids and he doesn't have a demanding career, it frees him up to do the lion's share of home making.

Even if he had a more stable career, she might not be able to go part time due to living expenses. Doctors aren't paid all that much until they get to a senior level. I've heard it is getting harder to go part time as a junior hospital doctor too. That's why many women opt for being a GP but even the hours there are becoming less family friendly.

Well if he’s a sulker then I can’t seem him surviving the wilderness years of being married to a junior doctor. Seriously. It takes a strong relationship to survive that.

I think things will take their course and that’s as it should be.

What I’m trying to say is, just butt out and be a friend (ie listen but don’t advise). You saying something won’t make a difference anyway.