Due date after 2nd Tri loss

[PaganPriestess]

I'm stuck in limbo at the moment, I don't know who is right and who is wrong. At an EPAU appointment, I was given my due date, like some kind of miracle we went past 12 weeks, then the gender scan, then baby died before 16 weeks.

I was pretty upset, I wanted baby buried, I found that most cemeteries have an area for babies. We kept it low key, just DH, cemetery staff and myself. I haven't really asked or expected much. It was DH who insisted we sort out the grave, to make it look better.

We've had words over this situation, I really needed to talk, DH thought it'd be better to be put to the back of my mind. I don't really understand how you can do that, I wondered what others did if possible please?

When we've argued, even though baby had little hands, fingers, toes and feet, he calls baby a foetus as it wasn't viable. That hurts as the pregnancy was an amazing surprise.

I told family what happened, they haven't mentioned anything at all since. I don't think they'd understand anyway, the one person who was perfect with this kind of stuff passed away, so it's grieving for both.

I just really wanted to know how others handled things, plus if they remembered baby say on their due date, as a celebration of what could have been. By celebration I mean doing something nice for the grave.

I'm so sorry for your loss
I have previously lost a baby at 11 weeks, and I remember this baby every year on their due date, and when we lost them.
He/she was your baby, and you can talk about them and remember them as much as you want to. Sending love xxx

I lost a baby at 21wks. We had a very small service with just DH and I. We have a small grave with a lovely plaque in the baby section of the cemetery. I used to visit every week but now I visit on his birth day and also on the day of his due date and at xmas.

I dont think anyone can tell you how to celebrate etc as it is so individual and nothing is wrong it's how you want to do it. I would also suggest trying to talk to someone. SANDS is a great organisation and have a phone line you can contact and speak to someone. This was invaluable to me at the beginning.

The part about people not mentioning it is something I've found very common. It's like people think that if they dont say anything then you will just forget it. Or they dont want to say anything in case they remind you of it! Little do they know, you cant think of anything else.

I think I used to shock people by talking so openly about my baby but to me I will always be a mum of 4 but I only have 3 in my arms. Thinks will get better I promise, but it will take time. X