AIBU to be fuming with MIL

[Belgianbuns]

I am so angry right now with not only my MIL but also my DH for the way in which he backs down to her. We are currently on holiday and MIL has been constantly ringing just to ask how DH is and how is the holiday going. Yesterday whilst we were out for dinner she rang 13 times! When we returned to our villa we saw the missed calls and DH was genuinely concerned something was wrong. But no, she just wondered what we were doing. DH had a pleasant convo wth her but I was a little put out that she had repeatedly rang in a 2 hour period. Tonight we were having a little sleep before going out, It was 6.30pm. All of a sudden his phone starts ringing, At first he ignored it but she continued to just ring and ring until he answered (very politely and much nicer than I would have). She wanted to know if we had seen any sharks ffs. I was fuming but he cannot bring himself to ever say anything to her at all. We are both 57 with our own grandchildren so not like we are teenagers. AIBU to want DH to stand up for himself and tell her no once in a while?

That must be infuriating, but given her age I'd wonder if she was ok. Has she always been like this?

She sounds lonely. Perhaps he could phone her daily at a set time to put her mind at rest and avoid her calling all over the place?

YADNBU. Going by your ages she must be in her eighties. Has she always been like this or is there maybe the start of dementia. Is FIL still alive and how is she as in does she need care or is she independent. That amount of phoning is excessive and very annoying. If he phoned her once a day would that be sufficient. Does your DH have any siblings who can help.

Yes, I'd want him to tell the the Little Boy who cried wolf story.

That is ridiculous.

However, if she has been allowed to do that over the last 30 years of so since mobiles became a thing, I can't really see him changing it now, can you ?

YWNBU to be fuming with your dh for allowing it to carry on either.

Pollywollydolly Always been like it. Yes you are right about age but when I first met them years ago she referred to herself and FIL as mummy and daddy, if only he would stand up for himself it would make it easier to accept!

Unless there’s background which you’ve not mentioned I think you are being unreasonable. Sounds as if she’s lonely or anxious.

She isn’t lonely. Lives with FIL and has visits daily from family. My DH also phones her at least once a day sometimes twice. She has always been ‘special’ and treats DH like a child. May well have early dementia but this has been going on for as many years as I have known her 😂

Seeingadistance it isn’t loneliness. She doesn’t live alone and all the family pander around her daily. We all have to phone daily and visit throughout the week as she says she misses her children! I accept this but surely give us break from the constant phone calls on holiday

I think your DH needs to tell her he wants to relax totally and is switching his phone off for the remainder of the holiday. And do it. But first make a commitment to visit her for a meal to tell her about the holiday when you get back

Is she forgetting that she’s called him? Is there another family member at home who can keep reminding her that you’re now (recently) in an area where there is no phone signal..... then, switch phone off/silent.

Ha ha ha ha your 57 and you haven't dealt with this shit !
Are you expecting Father Christmas to come round and sort it out for you ?

YABU

He has always been like this and he always will. YABU to expect him to change.

What a pest. He needs to switch off his phone or block her for at least part of each day.

If you were all younger I’d be pissed off but given that she is at least in her seventies I’d cut her and your partner some slack. You can’t expect people to break habits of a lifetime over a week or two.

We are both 57

As usual, your problem is with your H, not your MIL. He's happy to indulge her, by the sound of it. So he's not going to stop taking her calls and pandering to her - why would he think he should?
Can you learn to live with it/shrug it off? If not, do you want to stay with him?

My gran started off with calls like this when she was in early /mid dementia
How old is MIL? Could this be the reason why? My gran was only 68 and was so scared she would call for anything . She made lists of what people had spoken about and called constantly to gain reassurance masked as enquiries out our lives
If she’s always been like this I feel your oh has made a rod for his own back in many ways
Whatever the reason you need to talk to her as it’s impacting you all

How old is she??

NC fail OP.

Ooh this is rather infuriating, when I met DH, even though there was MIL & FIL, SIL somehow was head of the family. I knew as soon as the phone rang, it was a summons to do something tedious, or a general conversation about inane crap.

I did get it stopped briefly, as it got to a point where I'd leave the room, as she'd be on the phone most days for at least an hour, plus several more calls lasting around 5/10 minutes.

When DN arrived we put the differences aside, it resumed to how it was so quick. The daftest was planning birthdays 6 months in advance.

I'd be inclined to say to DH, we're on holiday, we've not moved here permanently. Tell MIL it's lovely for her to call, we want to relax though, surely it's more exciting to recount events when you get home.

If you can, unless there's a reason you cant, switch his phone onto silent. I don't know how much you're using them whilst away, if it's seldom, say phones in the safe (if you have one) or merely on silent till 8/9pm. You don't need constant mothering.

Just out of curiosity is your DH IRISH? There's a great TV show called Bridget & Eamon, with an episode about Eamon's Mammy, I can relate to that so much, even though we're both Irish. I only speak to family in emergency's, usually sending a text for birthdays and maybe we'll all congregate for Easter, big birthdays, children's birthdays and Christmas.

Giving her age, that may play into it and she may be anxious.
I say this because my mum has anxiety disorder and when it rears it's ugly head, she becomes very clingy and phones constantly. That how I can tell now when her anxiety is getting bad, by how often she will phone me.

I think she sounds adorable personally!

Your OH is a woose.Tell him to tell her to stop phoning and/or switch the phone off and/or put her number on a separate ring tone and just, errrm, don’t answer it! If you put up with it, she will continue to phone.

I’d be asking your dh to turn off his phone and tell her he’ll phone when you get home. This would drive me nuts

If DH wasn’t an only child i’d say you have my MIL. If we don’t answer the phone because we are having dinner (always bloody calls at dinner time) then she just calls and calls and calls. The landline then the mobile etc. It’s always inane shit about her friends etc never to ask about us.