To ask if I took it wrong?

[CupidIsFired]

A guy I work with said something to me today and Its kinda sticking in my mind.
We get along, we have banter, he's not a bad a guy. He's 24, single with no kids. I'm 29, single mum as ex left during pregnancy. Everyone knows.

Anyway...

He always asks if "I'm talking to any guys" almost every week. But he asks all the girls, not just me. So just like every week, I tell him no. Today he asked why, I said because I'm not really looking for anyone right now, I never go out so can't meet anyone that way, and I'm not keen on online dating, at least not right now. He said what about the toddler groups (he then named one specifically as it came up in a topic once, I'm surprised he remembered the name tbh) I said (in a jokey way) well the group if for my DD it's not for me to pick up guys... and also the majority of the parents that come are women, and the men that do attend occasionally, are all married. His reply was
"Yeah tbh, I probably wouldn't take my bastard child to that group either"

I didn't like the comment, and it made me not want to talk to him much for the rest of the shift. I didn't really say anything, or let him know that it bothered me. But I think it is bothering me

AIBU?

He is an absolute cock. Firstly, what business is it of his if you are talking to guys? Secondly, to refer to your child using that phrase is just horrible.

Your manager isn't much better if she doesn't say something to him. There is no world in which that phrase is banter.

As trying to find reasons to excuse his behaviour like a PP did, fuck that. He is a dickhead. He has shown you that so believe him. Excusing dickhead behaviour (particularly with the old chestnut of "maybe he likes you") is how women end up in abusive relationships. I know you have no interest in him, just making the point.

I would shut down all communication about your personal life. Keep it strictly professional.

That's just bizarre, and it sounds like he's overly personal/a bit creepy asking all the women if they're dating etc. He sounds like a bit of a wrong'un.

Was he referring to your child or an imagined child of his own, like a hypothetical. I’m 25, I know what the word bastard technically means and I’ve jokingly said mine are bastards because me and their dad aren’t married. But then I swear a lot so it doesn’t sting when I say or hear it.

WTAF?! How rude! He and your manager are unprofessional twats.

He seems over invested in other people's love lives.

"Are you talking to anyone/dating?"

I prefer to keep my work life and private life separate. Innocuous smile .

"C'mon though! Are you?"

My personal life is none of your business.

"God you're such a bore. You are making things awkward."

Well that's your opinion. I just prefer to keep my work and private life separate. My private life isn't any of your business.

"Have you got something to hide?"

I'm not having a conversation about my personal life at work. Why do you think it's appropriate to ask these questions when it's none of your business?

Broken record the shit out of him. He'll soon get bored.

Any comment about bastard children and report it.

"You've used that comment before and I found it offensive, as I told you. Please don't use it again."

This is one of those things that makes my blood boil (the 'bastard' thing). I'm from a different country (still slightly backwards society, but getting better) and had bitter experience with this. My best friend was referred as such. His mother had a one night stand and got pregnant, gave birth to my friend and he never knew his father.

He was a lovely sweet good boy and now is a lovely sweet good man. His mum was a great woman too, always kind to me (sadly, she passed away). I knew them for almost all my life. And yet when we were kids/teens, I've heard other people (mostly older) sneering at him, calling him names, teaching their kids not to be friends with him until some kids also started calling him 'bastard'. People laughed at him, said his mum was a whore and he's a no good bastard. It stuck with me and it still is painful.

So if someone uses this abhorrent term when talking to me, firstly I want to punch him/her in the face (never do) and secondly, I always give them a lecture and let them know exactly what I think of pathetic cunts like them.

Sorry for the rant, this gets me really riled up. I understand he's your colleague and you cannot call him a cunt in workplace, but try to limit conversations with him as much as possible.

@ShadowOnTheSun sorry to hear that about your friend, that's terrible and totally understandable why you hate that word so much.
I'm not someone who is usually easily offended, but for some reason this word didn't sit well with me. The annoying this is, is that he is also a duty manager. Usually I don't work the shifts that he manages but coincidentally today he was running the shift, I think he knows I'm not happy but kept asking about my DD to try to engage in conversation, I was quite blunt with him.

@NameChange84 ill try this approach next time!