Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get so annoyed by this?

16 replies

JackieandWilson · 27/09/2019 23:03

I am willing to be told i am ...

DH's brother and his wife have a 5 week old baby. They also have a 2 year old. The 2yo attends nursery 2 days a week. SILs mum has her overnight and the following day each week also - meaning they have 3 days without her each week, minimum. BIL works weekends and is off all week. They have 2 days to spend all together as a family.

To put it bluntly, even though they have all these child-free days - they plan adult only social things for the two of them on the only days they have WITH kids and ask family members to babysit. All of whom do, every time, as they love the kids dearly.

In the last 2 weeks, 2yo has slept out 3 times (3 different relatives), 5 week old has slept out twice. The parents have been for lunch together on a day 2yo wasn't at nursery, a 'date night' tea and drinks also on a day 2yo wasn't at nursery, a night out with friends and 2 evenings out for 'other' commitments without the children. This is not a rare thing either, this is the usual.

AIBU in being so angry about this. Would it be so hard to plan their date times when they're both free in the week when toddler is out anyway? I can't recall the last time we planned some adult time away from our children.
1 - because we actually want to spend family time together when we get the chance.
2 - our kids are our responsibility, not everyone else's
3 - our babysitters are too busy with aforementioned kids!

Yes, I'm well aware it has nothing to do with me but I can't help how irrationally angry I get when I hear they've been gallivanting yet again without the kids.
I feel so sorry for the kids - they have hardly any relationship with their parents as when they do have time together, the parents mainly ignore them anyway. Perhaps they're better off with other relatives - at least they aren't being ignored when they're with them.

Just to add, my children do sleep out probably once every few weeks - I fully believe in recharging the batteries and having time away from the kids. This is not a jealousy issue as I value my kids and our family time. I suppose they make me more angry as they are the type to say that parenting is easy & don't understand people who find it hard.
I don't think anyone would find it hard if they never saw their kids 😒

God I feel better just getting that off my chest! Anyone else have experience of people who just don't care about their children? Why have 2 (planned)? There are so many people out there who would give anything to be in their position. They just don't appreciate what they have!!!

OP posts:
SugarAndSpice24 · 28/09/2019 08:40

This sounds exactly like my SIL!!She has two kids,an 8 and a 6 year old and they are forever having sleep over at my MIL's and spending the entire day there.They are being home schooled too but somehow are always at my MIL. It only bother's me because I take my 7 year old to my MIL once a week so she can spend some quality time with her grandmother but with my SIL's kids there all the time,it's impossible for her to get that time!I wonder why my SIL had kids because if it's not my MIL it's another relative minding the kids whilst my SIL goes on 'date nights' with her husband which is always during the week and atleast twice a week.

Bluntness100 · 28/09/2019 08:44

I think it's a bit much to say they don't care about their children, in fact that's an awful thing to say, is it even remotely true or are you just being horrid.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 28/09/2019 08:45

What does 'sleep out' mean? Never heard that expression. Are they sleeping outdoors or something?

Passthecherrycoke · 28/09/2019 08:45

Yabu, it’s none of your business and I can’t quite believe you’re so angry about someone else’s family. I think their life sounds quite lovely actually.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 28/09/2019 08:47

Sleep out means staying over.

It's a big jump to say they don't care about their kids, but yeah, I think I would be internally judging a little bit with that. Less so the 2 year old, but a 5 week old?! My limited experience of 5 week olds (DS) is that they're still very much in the need to be as close to mum as possible stage. I certainly wouldn't have been shipping him off that early (and didn't until he was 1 😂). Horses for courses though.

There isn't much you can do or say about it though. Some parents have their priorities different to others. Are they young parents?

Newmumma83 · 28/09/2019 08:49

Maybe your sil has post natel depression and can handle the kids

To be fair I haven’t had more than a couple of hours with out my 10 Month old and that only started to happen when he was 9 months purely so parents can have a trial of looking after him before I go back to work.
Can’t imagine having him away from me over night

But each to their own not everyone parents the same x

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 28/09/2019 08:49

But I'd say YABU to be so angry about it. If everyone is happy, so be it.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 28/09/2019 08:51

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel

What does 'sleep out' mean? Never heard that expression

Op means sleeping at someone else’s house 🙄

leafyskyline · 28/09/2019 09:24

I'd feel the same as you OP. YANBU. No idea why @Bluntness100 seems to think you're being horrid saying they don't care about their DC. Anyone who send their 5 week old baby away so they can repeatedly go out socialising clearly doesn't care about that baby and what it needs. It's pure selfishness on the part of the parents.

Passthecherrycoke · 28/09/2019 09:51

Maybe they just want their children to be part of the wider family? I really wanted this- children spending half term with the grandparents etc. However I was so obsessed with the first one I didn’t want to be away from her and it was too late then as she wasn’t bonded with anyone else. I still like the idea though

ChocChocButtons · 28/09/2019 10:05

It’s none of your business what they do it’s it!

messolini9 · 28/09/2019 10:41

Why are you so irrationally focused on this OP?
What is going on in your own life that you find another family's living arrangements so inappropriately enraging?
Is there a back story between you & SiL?
Are you envious of the amount of childcare they get compared to you?

A long contemplation about that will do you more good than winding yourself up into anger over an irrelevance. There's obviously more going on here than meets the eye, & it seems like you need to find what the core of your frustration & anger is, so that you can let it go.

ElizaPancakes · 28/09/2019 10:57

Of course it’s not your business but it would annoy me too.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2019 11:10

Yabvu
It sounds like they have a good lifestyle
You seem jealous

JackieandWilson2 · 28/09/2019 17:22

Hi everyone, it's me OP - I was completely expecting to be slated by some of you Grin but thanks for your replies.

@shoxfordian I'm definitely not jealous, as I said earlier we have ample opportunities if we wanted to actually do the same, for babysitters - that's if we didn't consider their feelings & the fact they need their own time after babysitting so much for the two kids mentioned.

@messolini9 I completely agree that I need to not be wound up about this. But the reason it gets to me & the reason I can't feel close to SIL is due to how they are with their kids. There's no issue with my home life, no back story, it just gets my goat! I'm also worried my kids won't have the same relationship with their gran - not through lack of us trying!

@Passthecherrycoke I would understand this and completely agree but unfortunately this isn't the case - they don't pack anything for the kids, just drop off and pick when feel like it, don't ring to ask if they're ok etc. I probably haven't wrote this very well Hmm I'm not great at explaining!

@Bluntness100 yes. Unfortunately I would never ever say this if it wasn't the case! Of course they'd never harm them but they're not involved or interested in them when they are around. It's quite sad to see!

As I tried to explain but probably not very well - it's the comments such as 'parenting is easy' & 'i can't understand why anyone would get stressed about being a parent, there's nothing to it.' etc. These are the real reason behind my annoyance ... They don't find it hard because everyone else is bringing up their children.

But you're right - I'm going to stop letting it turn me into an irrational idiot and just make sure when the children are with us they get lots of cuddles & attention. Thanks everyone Smile

MisfitPuddleduck · 29/09/2019 10:53

YANBU OP, I would get wound up by this as well. We all make judgements about other parents (even if we deny it to other people) so it would be pretty annoying, especially if it's being detrimental to your kids having relationships with their grandparents etc.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page