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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to foil DH's plans?

25 replies

lovelyjubilly · 27/09/2019 20:37

Hi there,
I have been squirrelling money away for over a year in order to take my DH away for a surprise trip for his 40th birthday in 2022. I want to take him to a city where he lived for a year as a student. It's not a place I'm massively fussed about going to but he has not been back for about 15 years and I thought this would be an amazing surprise.
However, we have just received some vouchers to spend with an airline and DH is saying that he wants us to go to this city next year, using the vouchers.
AIBU to say that I don't want to go there, knowing that he will get to go in a few years anyway? I know he will be really disappointed if we don't go next year, but then I know he will be so pleased to get it as a surprise trip a couple of years later...

OP posts:
TheAlternativeTentacle · 27/09/2019 20:39

Nah, go with the vouchers and find something else to do with the money saved.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 27/09/2019 20:40

It's 3 years away. You will be able to think of another nice thing to do before then.

Iggly · 27/09/2019 20:41

Think of a different surprise!

mrssoap · 27/09/2019 20:42

I suppose it depends if he's the type of person to be disappointed but get over it... or the type to have it in his head he really wants to go and won't let it go.

I'm not sure what I would do to be Honest :/

Interestedwoman · 27/09/2019 20:43

That's kind of a shame, but you have a couple of years to think of and plan something else. I don't see how you can avoid this trip without it seeming to him like you're being moody or whatever, as he won't know the real reason.

Thehop · 27/09/2019 20:43

No, I’d let him plan a trip next year and use mo eh for a different surprise

MsVestibule · 27/09/2019 20:45

I think you have to just use the airline vouchers. I'd be really surprised and quite upset if DH put the kybosh (sp?) on something I really wanted to do without a good reason.

Honeyroar · 27/09/2019 20:46

You've got three years to think of somewhere else to take him. It was a good idea, but if he fancies doing it now let him. It's not going to be that much of a surprise if you have to put him off for three years and it's already in his mind..

2ellenor2 · 27/09/2019 20:50

YABU

He’s nearly 40, he could die by 2022. Let him live his best life.

Lana08 · 27/09/2019 20:53

I agree with everyone else. In 3 years anything can happen. Use the airline vouchers and go. Keep saving and go somewhere else for his 40th.

Sunshine93 · 27/09/2019 20:53

502ellenor2 a bit extreme but I agree in principle. If you don't go next year you make the surprise about you rather than him. Plan something else.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/09/2019 20:55

Think of a different surprise, there will be somewhere else he'd like to go. Sometimes with trips like this, a lot of the fun is in the planning and looking forward to it, surprises take that away. It's lovely that you want to do something so nice for him though.

Tiresiasmum · 27/09/2019 21:05

It shows you know him very well and are close to knowing his heart! He's clearly wanting to go back as you anticipated. I'd go next year as he suggests and enjoy it with him, then plan something else and tell him later what you'd originally planned. Don't hold him back from doing it this year - there's clearly a feeling from him he needs to go sooner rather than later, and he might need to reconnect for reasons that aren't apparent. Another thing is that he might go back and find it's not as he remembered it or has changed in which case it might be better he's done it under his plan rather than it being your present...! Either way, it'll work out.

Shoxfordian · 27/09/2019 21:07

Yeah, think of another surprise

CheshireChat · 27/09/2019 21:08

I mean this nicely, but it sounds like you had a great idea for his birthday and now don't want to think of another.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 27/09/2019 21:09

Friend of mine of a similar age to your husband

Ran the London marathon in April (so as healthy as can be)
Diagnosed with cancer in June
Died in August

Just go.

GemmeFatale · 27/09/2019 21:10

Where would you want to go if you had your choice? It seems a bit unfair that you say ‘we’ have vouchers but he wants to use them to go somewhere you aren’t interested in visiting

MamaGee09 · 27/09/2019 21:10

Id just go next year and plan something different for husband birthday. We need to grasp everything when life throws it at us as our lives are far too short!

katalavenete · 27/09/2019 21:13

Postponing happiness is a really stupid thing to do. You could both be dead before your theoretical trip arrives.

filka · 27/09/2019 21:19

I'd use the vouchers as soon as possible - too many companies going bust in the travel industry. You'd not be happy if they were Thomas Cook vouchers.

30to50FeralHogs · 27/09/2019 21:22

If it was next year it might be worth being miserable about it to then surprise him. Having to wait that long for the big reveal isn’t really going to register - he’ll have forgotten that he wanted to use these vouchers and may just organise it himself before then if he really wants to go.

Tell him you were planning it as a surprise, then he gets the thoughtful gesture and the trip sooner. You can do something else for his bday.

BlueJava · 28/09/2019 22:59

Go with the vouchers then do something else with the money.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2019 23:03

Go with the vouchers!

2022 is to far away

Butterymuffin · 28/09/2019 23:09

Agree with everyone else - go next year. Anything can happen in three years. Plus he might love it so much he'd be happy to go again for his 40th.

user1493494961 · 28/09/2019 23:12

Go next year.

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