Can you change from being possessive and controlling?

[flabbergastedatthat]

Following on from another thread..is this possible? In a relationship, if I feel that a partner: friend etc is detaching from me, I can become controlling and I feel like i get angry in my attempts to hold onto that power.Is there anything I can do to improve this and change myself please?

You got me spot on @FactorFifty

It sounds like you're a sensitive and kind person, OP.

It's important as an adult to learn to manage our feelings and emotions so we don't let ourselves become overwhelmed, for our benefit as well as so we can keep strong for those around us.

It's not easy to get the balance right, but ultimately you are allowed to put your own mental health first and focus on getting yourself happier, rather than getting too involved in others' lives, you are only responsible for yourself.

As frustrating as it is to see others making decisions we think are wrong, the best thing we can do is take a (kind) step back. It doesn't mean you don't care, it means you are respectful enough to let others be responsible for themselves. Sometimes we can only save ourselves.

Best of luck to you :)

Thanks. I appreciate all of the posts also. I need to find ways to manage my emotions in an appropriate way . I will get counselling but does anyone know of any resources in the form of books that may help me please ?

As you've suffered trauma, I'd start with helping to heal yourself. This one was amazing for me (recommended by my CBT therapist) and you might be able to get a copy from your local library:

'The compassionate mind approach to recovering from trauma: using compassion focused therapy' - Lee, Deborah; James, Sophie, Ph.D

I think Buddhist principles about loving without attachment are helpful.

tinybuddha.com/blog/how-non-attachment-can-benefit-your-relationship/

Thanks I loved that article. I found it liberating in fact!