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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery - how far is too far away to work?

25 replies

GilbertMarkham · 27/09/2019 14:04

My lo currently attends nursery two days a week, the nursery is 10/15 mins away from but my dp usually works 1hr 20 mins away and I'm working 45+ mins away.

There are no relatives in the area to collect her in an emergency/sickness episode, they all live elsewhere.

Is this too far? How far do you all commute?

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 27/09/2019 14:05

*15 mins away from home

OP posts:

Katnisnevergreen · 27/09/2019 14:12

My dd is in nursery very close to home but both of us work 45mins away and not the sort of jobs where we can just drop everything and run if needed to pick her up. Luckily my parents live about 30mins away so could be there sooner but not much. I weighed it up and decided I waned her close to home then we could share drop offs and pick up and she would have local friends.
Not ideal, but what can you do?

Oysterbabe · 27/09/2019 14:15

Our nursery expects someone there within half an hour of the call. We had to drop everything and go very fucking often to start with when the little buggers got every bug going.

painauchocolat84 · 27/09/2019 14:17

I worked a 30 minute drive from mum DCs nursery and it gave me such horrible anxiety that I moved him to one 5 minutes bicycle ride away but I’m admittedly an anxious person and it probably wasn’t necessary

Sjl479 · 27/09/2019 14:18

I’d think you’d be better off getting one closer to work; also makes drop-off and pick-up easier as you don’t have to factor in commute, possible traffic etc

CTRL · 27/09/2019 14:18

My sons nursery was 20 mins from home and 90 mins from work. I was a single mum and no friends or family around to help. I managed.

Believe me hun you will be fine. And as time goes on you will make friends with parents at the nursery so hopefully if an emergency arises - someone will be able to help out.

If not; the nursery wait until you or DP can get there.

QforCucumber · 27/09/2019 14:18

Ours is nearer home than work but we do only have 20 in commutes each at the worst of times, we chose this for the same reason as above - also if either of us are off we can drop him off later/collect earlier with ease.

SummerInSun · 27/09/2019 14:18

I've never been closer than 45 min to my DCs school / nursery, and that's pretty typical for anyone who works in central London, for example. It is highly unlikely that there will ever be such a major emergency that you being able to get there quicker would be really important. And for your child, the sort commute to and from nursery every single day is much more important.

The only thing I would say is to check that the nursery will give calpol if your DC has a fever without waiting for you to get there. Occasionally when mine were very small the nursery would ring me to say DS had a fever, I'd authorise them to give calpol over the phone, rush out of work, only for the calpol to have brought the fever back to normal by the time I got there! But then they went to a nursery that wouldn't give calpol and I felt really bad that they were sitting around hot and miserable for an hour before I could get to them with the pink magic.

wendz86 · 27/09/2019 14:23

When my daughter was at nursery we both worked in London so would take me nearly an hour to get back if she was sick . Luckily didn’t happen too often .
Now they are both at school and have wraparound care with childminder who would also get them from school in an emergency .

Gillian1980 · 27/09/2019 14:26

My office is 45 mins away but I could be anywhere in 2 counties. DH could be anywhere in England. No family in our city.

Nursery know we travel a lot for work and have been fine about it taking time to get there as long as we’re as quick as we can be.

Marinetta · 27/09/2019 14:29

Our nursery expects you to be there within about 20-30 minutes and even had us sign something to this effect. If you work too far away they have told us to have grandparents/ neighbour/ family friend willing to pick the child up if necessary. Seems a bit unreasonable to me as even if you work within a 20 minute radius of the nursery you aren't always able to drop everything immediately.

mindutopia · 27/09/2019 14:40

I think 45 ish minutes is fine. If she is poorly, they will manage for 45 minutes if you need to come collect her. They will have dealt with lots of poorly children before. If it is a true medical emergency, they will act and make sure she gets care while you get yourself home. Our nursery is 15 minutes from dh, but I work 3 hours away on my commuting days. He can sometimes be up to an hour away if he needs to travel to see a client though. It's never been an issue in 5+ years of using a nursery between 2 dc.

Bingoblingo · 27/09/2019 14:42

When my son was younger, I put him in a nursery that was close to work rather than home - easier for emergencies

Sewbean · 27/09/2019 14:53

I work 20 minutes from nursery, my whole family live 5 minutes away. One day ds threw up. I was at work (in a hospital so couldn't answer straight away), DH was away on a work trip, 3 emergency contacts couldn't get him for one reason and another. Dh gave them 2 other numbers and neither of those people were at home. So 7 people and no-one could get to him for nearly an hour.

Even with the best of intentions you can't always be there within 20 minutes, even if you live next door. Nursery will keep her safe for as long as is needed, even if they moan about it.
And yes if the very worst happened and your child had to go to hospital in an ambulance and you weren't there it would be terrible but it would be ok.

Pick a place you like and it will all work out one way or another.

jimmyhill · 27/09/2019 14:57

What do people imagine will happen if you can't pick up unwell DC in (say) 30 minutes.

Traffic jams happen. Breakdowns happen. Nursery would have to wait until you get there.

In any case, in a genuine emergency, you'd be going to hospital, not the nursery. Anything else, nursery is in loco parentis for, which means caring for until child until parent is able (ASAP) to collect.

They're not going to put sick DC out with the bins once their time limit has passed.

Fifthtimelucky · 27/09/2019 15:11

My husband and I were both at least 90 minutes away from nursery. We both worked in London, and the nursery was in our home town. We had no local family but my neighbour acted as an emergency contact.

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 28/09/2019 07:34

Thanks for the perspectives everyone.

The nursery will give Calpol - they usually ring to confirm and/or get you to sign ok when you collect.

My husband is 1hr 20 mins away minium - depending on traffic, roadworks etc.

I'm 45 mins if I catch a train quickly - if not, it could be up to an hour to get the next train (only one service an hour). I had thought I could get a family member to give me a lift in an emergency but yesterday that wasn't possible so I ended up getting a taxi, which wasn't cheap but not super expensive either because we live in an outlying region.

I haven't been driving for years but have recently renewed my license and need to get a car. I don't want to drive as the train is faster, no parking issues etc but, as above, there's only one an hour in an emergency.

The other possibility is to change to a nursery near work (reluctant to change though as she's settled in the one she's in).

Yesterday my husband was working from home and collected her, but this wouldn't normally be the case. (It's the first emergency we've had).

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 28/09/2019 07:39

A lady I know through the nursery/tots activities has offered to collect in an emergency as she's not working at the moment, but she's a single mum who's up to her neck with two under 3 and I don't think it's fair to expect her to do that. Yesterday she would've been stuck with a 2 yr old who got much worse v fast and had to be taken to go then hospital, with a vomit and pass-out in the car. It seriously spooked my dp.

Seems like too much to out on someone. Plus it's not fair on our lo to not have s parent looking after her in such circumstances.

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 28/09/2019 07:40

*gp

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Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 28/09/2019 07:42

Actually the way things went after my dp collected her makes me wonder if the nursery should've called an ambulance instead of a parent but maybe things can worsen that fast with small children (?)

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maddening · 28/09/2019 08:06

What if you were a surgeon - you could not abandon a 7 hour surgery at the drop of a hat, or a solicitor in court etc there are many jobs that you could not just leave

purpleolive · 28/09/2019 08:08

I'd never get a nursery close to work, for too many reasons to list. I've been up to an hour and 15 mins away, my husband has always been closer but he goes away for work a lot. No family around, never had an issue, nursery always understood. Military area so most of us didn't have families around and partners would be away, but I'd expect the same of any nursery tbh. They would just let them have a sleep until I got there, if it was me.

IWantMyHatBack · 28/09/2019 08:09

My office is 45-50 mins commute away from the nursery, but the (very few) times I've had to go and collect due to illness it's been out of rush hour times so the drive was more like 30 mins. Would that be similar to you?

IWantMyHatBack · 28/09/2019 08:09

Sorry, missed your last post

stucknoue · 28/09/2019 08:13

Personally I would have them close to work until 3 but I breastfed and look d at nurseries based on being able to go and feed. When it came to it I quit work for different reasons (opportunity to go abroad with dp)

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