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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that people think we are insane for going on holiday with ex DP?

43 replies

Greggers2017 · 27/09/2019 09:39

Me and my ex DP have been separated for 6 years, it was an amicable split, we'd just grown apart and we're better as friends. We have 2 DC together, DD12 and DS10.
I am in a new relationship of 4 years with a DSD11 and a 3 month old baby.
Ex DP is remarried and had 2 DC aged 3 and 18 months.
We all get on fantastic and are good friends and regularly go out for meals etc.
Would we be insane to all go on holiday together next year. Obviously staying in our own apartments but same resort. We've done long weekends camping in the past and they worked well. But this time people are being quite horrible about it. What's your opinions?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/09/2019 09:44

I think what matters is your respective partners and children, opinions.

Have you been away together with your DSD? Sometimes children can feel awkward. Your children have both parents with them, she won't, be aware and willing to listen to her.

Thiswayorthatway · 27/09/2019 09:45

Would your respective current DP's also come? If you're all ok with that then go for it, nobody else's business.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 27/09/2019 10:16

Yes both families. DSD lives with us full time. She had very minimal contact with her birth mother. She knows her DD and DS father very well. Has been camping with his family and on days out.

OP posts:
IfIKnewThenWhatIKnowNow · 27/09/2019 10:20

What an amazing thing to do for the children you have together. YADNBU, crack on and good for you :)

Whattodoabout · 27/09/2019 10:21

If your DP and his DP are happy with it then why not. It’s not conventional but I bet the children would love it.

FortheloveofJames · 27/09/2019 10:22

If you all get on well and are all happy to go, crack on.

BackforGood · 27/09/2019 10:23

Sounds like a fantastic relationship for your dc to see that adults can all get along and work together. If both your new OHs are happy with it, then why wouldn't you ?

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 27/09/2019 10:24

Both couples are good friends we regularly go out as a foursome for meals and concerts etc.

OP posts:
Fireextinguished · 27/09/2019 10:25

How lovely for the children to see strong friendships after separating!

SavageBeauty73 · 27/09/2019 10:26

I'm jealous. It sounds wonderful for the kids. My ex is so awful I've blocked him on my phone.

Enjoy!

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 27/09/2019 10:27

It's not conventional, but only because so few realtionships end amicably and with such ongoing mutual respect and friendship. It sounds great to be honest. Must be lovely for your joint kids to know they can bond with their step- and half- siblings without any of the adults being dicks and making it awkward!

paddingtonbearsmarmalade · 27/09/2019 10:27

Sounds amazing, my parents have been separated for almost 17 years (though legally are still married and still have joint finances... they’re a bit odd in that respect). We go for family dinners regularly, we always spend Christmas together, mum still comes to all of the family gatherings with dad’s sisters etc. We went on a family holiday/abroad to a wedding a couple of years ago too. They get on well (best friends tbh) and it works for them. If it works for you all and your respective OHs are happy with it, go for it!

AustrianSnow · 27/09/2019 10:29

What a lovely way for your children to grow up. Well done 🙂.

x2boys · 27/09/2019 10:30

If you are all.good friends I don't see what the problem is ,and it's a far healthier situation for the kids than an acrimonious split ,I think other people are being negative because they might be projecting their own situations? It would only be like going on holiday with any friends ,which can be stressful.but as long as you agree on groundrules before you go.,go for it.

Proseccoinamug · 27/09/2019 10:35

Absolutely fine.

ExH and I often take the kids away together. Separate rooms. No new partners.

People don’t understand why we split up when we get along so well. We don’t want to be a couple. Simple as that. ‘We don’t want to’ is enough. It does get a bit annoying when people say it’s weird.

LolaSmiles · 27/09/2019 10:39

It sounds like a brilliant co-parenting relationship between a parents who realised they were more like friends than lovers. The respective partners sound like lovely step parents who are mature and capable of understanding that healthy co-parenting and a nice family is better for the children.

Some people won't get it because either they've never had amicable splits, are of the opinion exes shouldn't be friends and get jealous or suspicious, think that any communication between exes should only ever be about children otherwise you must want to sleep together, or they'd be too insecure to date someone who has a strong co-parenting relationship.

If it works for you all then go for it

DodgeRainClouds · 27/09/2019 10:43

Amazing! Go for it. Why at you letting other people question it?! If you all get on then no problem x

edwinbear · 27/09/2019 10:46

What great role models you all are for your DC, go, have a fantastic time and ignore the naysayers.

lyralalala · 27/09/2019 10:48

How lovely for all the children involved that you are all so amicable. Go for it!

Silentlysinking101 · 27/09/2019 10:50

I think ti's fantastic for the kids to see that you are all friends and enjoy each others company!

Ex-dp and I have an occasionally tempestuous relationship, mainly because he fails to engage his brain over our dd who has some complex health issues, but we have been Christmas shopping together this week to look for ideas for his older kids (I still class as my step kids and love them dearly), we spent Christmas together last year, his older kids have Christmas with their dm this year, so he is coming to us for Christmas eve snacks and to help set up for dd the following day.

I have a new dp, it is a touch awkward at times but they rub along OK.

I am not sure we will ever reach the holiday together stage, but I would like to think at some point in the future it would be possible.
Ignore the negative comments and remember you are setting an amazing example

TinyGhostWriter · 27/09/2019 10:51

All that matters is what you think and what works for your family. Sounds like a great idea!

hsegfiugseskufh · 27/09/2019 10:51

I think if you're all friends and it works its bloody brilliant!

MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA · 27/09/2019 10:57

We do this! Myself and my ex DP live apart as we just cant live together full time. But we are still friends, he lives a mile or two down the road. We see each other and kids daily . When my sister and her dp split up it seemed logical for him to move in with my ex dp. So three homes within a two mile area and all our 6 kids spend time mixed between them. We get together twice weekly in a group and all step in for childcare care etc. It works brilliantly for us and last year we hired a massive villa and all went away as friends.

Who cares what other people think? Good for you all for putting the family and kids first and not turning bitter !

Jaxhog · 27/09/2019 11:01

What an amazing thing to do for the children you have together. YADNBU, crack on and good for you

How fab that you all get on so well! It will be wonderful for the kids as well.

Pharlapwasthebest · 27/09/2019 11:04

You’re awesome. How great for the kids. Good for you.

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