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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Oblivious neighbour

33 replies

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 09:06

Our neighbour has lived in her house about 20 years, we've been in ours about 10. It's a terrace so we're very aware of noise, parking etc. We get on well - we look after her house and cats when she's away, she looks after our house. But we don't interact very much. She is very quiet, lives alone but has a boyfriend who visits every few months. We each have a tiny courtyard (about 2m x 2m) at the back of our houses, but because of the way the houses were built our courtyard is against the back wall of her house. So our courtyard is right against the legal boundary. It's tiny but it's our only outside space, we have a table and a couple of chairs out there, lots of herbs in a window box, and when it's warm enough I hang washing out to dry.

She's been having a lot of work done on her house for the last four months. We've been as helpful as we can by making sure builders can park outside her house and offering her a quiet place to come to when it's been really noisy for her. However in the first few weeks I came home from work to find a new boiler flue had been put in directly above our courtyard. The courtyard was full of the debris from making the hole. I wasn't sure it was legal so checked with building control and confirmed it wasn't permitted as it vented over our property. Spoke to her and she asked me to get the builders to move it. They weren't very happy but they did so and we agreed that the hole in the wall could have an extractor fan venting out of it. However although she saw all the mess in our courtyard she didn't apologise for it. She has however several times apologised for the noise.

The day before yesterday her builders turned up to ask if they could run a white plastic waste pipe through the wall between our courtyards into her soil stack which is actually in our courtyard. It would have gone directly behind where we have one of our chairs. I said no and they couldn't understand why, fortunately I then pointed out that the soil stack is an asbestos one and they immediately said they wouldn't touch it so that was sorted. The reason for the pipe apparently was so they wouldn't have to cut down into concrete in her courtyard. So yesterday I was at home, heard noise and when I went out to check they had started cutting. Dust everywhere, all over the table and chairs, herbs etc. I asked them to stop so I could move stuff but I think they thought I was being a bit fussy.

I'm a bit annoyed - I think she could have spoken to us herself before they started making mess on both occasions. I'm having to clean up after her renovation, and I don't mind so much but it would have been nice to have a bit of warning. I get the impression that she thought I was unreasonable to ask for the boiler flue to be moved, and the builders seemed taken aback that I said no to the white plastic waste pipe in our courtyard.

Opinions anyone?

OP posts:

Seeline · 27/09/2019 09:11

I don't think YWBU about the flue and yes the builders should have cleared any rubble.

I think you are being a bit precious about the dust. Any building works are going to cause dust and dirt. Their only option was to cut through the concrete if you had refused them the pipe. It was fairly obvious that they would start work on that fairly soon. Wait until they have finished then give everything a wash/wipe down.

Sarcelle · 27/09/2019 09:12

You seem to get on with her in the main, keep it that way otherwise you could be in for years of grief if you overreact. It is annoying, the dust etc. Perhaps you could ask her to warn you if there is anything happening that will cause excessive mess and noise.

Wiltshirelass2019 · 27/09/2019 09:12

Oh god builders are an absolute nightmare, they really don’t care. I feel sorry for both of you tbh. I would ask her to let you know when builders are working outside and if they make any mess in your property it is to be cleaned up that day. Good luck!

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 09:14

The thing is that from what they told me I understood they'd have to do more cutting inside. They didn't say anything about it being outside - if they had I would have moved everything in anticipation.

OP posts:

Tensixtysix · 27/09/2019 09:15

Keep the peace. Not worth fighting over such a miserable little space.

Ponoka7 · 27/09/2019 09:16

I'd question the skill/qualifications of the builders tbh, they sound like cowboys, if they haven't checked out if there's any asbestos and access etc rights.

I'd say that to her. If this work has to be put right, you've got the whole thing starting over again.

A decent builder wouldn't take a neighbours word that they've got permission.

What you're describing interferes with the enjoyment of your home. As well as value, aesthetics etc. They shouldn't happen during building work being done.

I'm a live and let live person, but that oversteps any boundary.

She's out of order.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 27/09/2019 09:19

'Miserable little space'! Bloody hell, it's the OPs garden!

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 09:19

Tensixtysix it might sound like a "miserable little space" to you but it's the only outside space we have so we try to keep it looking nice. Our neighbour doesn't use hers at all so she probably doesnt realise Howe much ours means to us.

OP posts:

Ohbuggerlugs · 27/09/2019 09:34

@Tensixtysix

WTF? Any need?

Farfarfaraway · 27/09/2019 09:42

Keep the peace. Not worth fighting over such a miserable little space
This “miserable little space” is the ops garden.

I am guessing your garden is a lot bigger but that does not mean you have to be a twat to others

AlexaAmbidextra · 27/09/2019 09:43

Not worth fighting over such a miserable little space.

Tensixtysix. How fucking rude are you? Presumably you’re lucky enough to live in a mansion in several acres of land. 🙄

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2019 09:47

You said no to the plastic pipe, knowing it meant they had to cut into the concrete, and now you're complaining about that too. You could have just moved your stuff as you knew they were going to do it.

You're being unreasonable. And she moved the flue for you. Really sometimes you have to be a bit accommodating when a neighbour is having work done, not grab hold of your arse cheeks and make everything an issue.

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 09:53

The flue was against building regs. Which means it was illegal - if we hadn't asked for it to be moved it would have been a massive issue later should either of us wanted to sell. The waste pipe - there's no way anyone should be expected to have a neighbour's waste pipe put into what is essentially our outside living room, and if we'd said yes it would have meant her having to replace her asbestos soil stack.

OP posts:

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 27/09/2019 10:00

I asked them to stop so I could move stuff but I think they thought I was being a bit fussy.

I don't understand this. Surely you knew the work was ongoing so why didn't you move/cover your stuff?
Apart from that I think you just have to put up with it although it's a bloody pain.

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 10:02

They told me they'd have to cut into the kitchen floor - they didn't tell me they were going to have to cut out the outside courtyard floor!

OP posts:

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 10:11

Realised I didn't mention the white plastic waste pipe would have run horizontally against a stone wall, about the same height as the chair back and about two feet long. Wouldn't have been an issue at all if it was either at floor height or above head height. It wasn't just that it would look horrible, it would have been constantly getting knocked when we moved chairs which would be less than ideal.

OP posts:

Simkin · 27/09/2019 10:15

Honestly I think you would be lucky to get through a neighbour's building works without some irritation - and this does sound irritating.

As you already have a good relationship with her I would try very hard not to fall out. I have fallen out with my next door neighbour and it was bloody horrible. Apart from that it sounds like she may actually need support in talking to her builders if they are doing things against building regs? Obviously she should be able to be assertive and knowledgeable with her builders but we all know it's not always as easy as that. I suspect she didn't know they were about to make a big mess in your garden.

Fatshedra · 27/09/2019 10:19

Are the builders accessing your space? Cos they prob need permission from you.

TwattingDog · 27/09/2019 10:20

Right, the builders are idiots. Your neighbour is a piss taker. Have you looked into party wall agreements over this?

The builders should have had water suppression on their disc cutter, but clearly didn't. That's stupid, as they are inhaling respirable crystalline silica (I work in construction health and safety) which causes significant lung disease.

Ask the builders where their dust water suppression is, and ask them to come and clean up their mess.

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 10:29

They had dust masks and earphones, but i didn't! And no, no dust water suppression (good point).

OP posts:

Jaxhog · 27/09/2019 10:32

the builders are idiots.

Aren't they all! But while it's your home, it's their workspace as far as they're concerned. I've yet to meet a builder who looks much past this. Your neighbour probably is intimidated by them too.

Don't let them get away with doing anything that upsets your long term enjoyment of your little space. And make it very clear that any mess or dust must be cleared up ASAP, or you will withhold access permission.

doginthemanger · 27/09/2019 10:45

She asked you to ask the builders to move the flue? That's ridiculous. Why didn't she tell them herself. It's her building work.

I would never complain about noise, dust etc, and I've had quite a bit of that recently as both sides of my terraced flat are renovating. But I would be aggrieved in your situation.

Nervousaf · 27/09/2019 11:26

I also live in a tiny terraced house with a little courtyard.
Sadly, it's just part and parcel of it. It's frustrating, yes. But the weather is miserable atm anyway, so I wouldn't be bothered about sitting outside

YoTheGinPussyOfStMawesOnThigh · 27/09/2019 11:45

Another one with a fairly small courtyard garden. My house is fairly small so in fine weather it is an extra room, is gorgeous and was part of the reason I chose the house. I would not tolerate for a second a pipe being put in my garden at head, chair or floor height as I no doubt would be liable if it got damaged.

The dust issue is a pain but the weather has gone all awful for the time being so to me wouldn't be an issue.

I would be much more concerned about possible cowboy builders who seem unaware of building regulations regarding flues.

I am slightly tetchy today as am shirking from home and two doors up are having noisy drilling work done. Nothing I can do as is within the times allowed so have to put up with it. They know I have my beady eyes on them though as tried working on a Sunday a couple of weeks ago sawing in their garden. I very politely got them to stop.

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 27/09/2019 12:10

45YoTheGinPussyOfStMawesOnThigh
I wfh four days a week so have to admit the drilling has been tough at times. Yesterday was full on, hammer drill - think roadworks level noise, on and off, much of the day. I can zone out and deal with the noise, though. I just think our neighbour doesn't appreciate how much our tiny outside space is used and how important it is to me!

OP posts:

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