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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave him at 21 weeks pregnant?

39 replies

Preggerslife123 · 27/09/2019 07:35

I am 21 weeks pregnant with my first child.
He already has 2. I do a majority of the housework/childcare even though he doesn't work.
When he cleans If someone moves a picture or leaves a bag where it shouldn't be he will happy let everyone know that this is not right.(in the last month he has done house twice btw) yesterday I was half way through laundry when I realised some of my washing wasnt dry yet so I put it back into the tumble dryer to finish then carried on pottering around.(the piles of cloths I had folded already where on the back of the sofa)
He then sits on the sofa the pile of cloths annoys him so he threw them across my front room!
When I tried to question him about why he had done this instead of just taking them upstairs if he really couldn't wait for me to finish, he told me to shut up and go to bed in front of the children.
I left the house and went to a friends as feeling very hormonal as it is.
To then receive a text to say hes going to call universal credit and separate our claim. I should get a new house and find this baby a new dad Confused
I guess my aibu is to call his bluff and just tell him that's fine and go to the council. Or do I try and make it work for the babys sake ??
Sorry for the long thread
First time poster Blush

OP posts:
MsJaneAusten · 27/09/2019 07:37

Don’t ‘call his bluff’, just bloody leave. No bluffing, just go. He sounds awful.

Soubriquet · 27/09/2019 07:39

For gods sake woman get some self respect and leave!!

He sees you as his maid and nanny.

You are better than that

Your baby deserves better than that

Blankspace4 · 27/09/2019 07:40

Get out of there. You and your baby deserve so much more!

BeanBag7 · 27/09/2019 07:41

Yes I would leave. Much easier to do it now than when you have a newborn baby. He's not going to get better.

TheFastandCurious · 27/09/2019 07:41

Oh god leave!! No way should you bring kids up watching that. They’ll think it’s normal and have bad relationships in the future.

Why isn’t he working? He’s treating you like a slave and has no respect for you and it won’t get better.

Jesse70 · 27/09/2019 07:42

You don't need him and u won't miss him especially when u have the baby he can fuck right off
I mean what does he have to offer? Nothing!

stucknoue · 27/09/2019 07:43

He sounds horrible. Why doesn't he get a job for starters? Can't understand why anyone would have a baby if neither have a job. At 21 weeks you could still be working too.

Original poster
Preggerslife123 · 27/09/2019 07:45

I do work I'm a teaching assistant! And he has been signed off for mh

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 27/09/2019 07:47

He sounds like a right knob cheese. Dump him and get your own place so you can make it lovely for you and your baby.

AloeVeraLynn · 27/09/2019 07:49

Leave leave a thousand times leave. You sound like you have a your head screwed on and you're halfway there anyone. Do it. He is not going to magically improve when the baby arrives, probably the opposite. You are employed so you're in a better position than him. Get out now.

AloeVeraLynn · 27/09/2019 07:50

*anyway

NearlyGranny · 27/09/2019 07:51

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Do his two children live with him, fully or partly? Did they as babies? How on earth would you cope with a real baby AND this petulant manchild?

I loathe folding laundry and anyone who wilfully undid my work and set me back to square one would earn their passage out of my house! Was that just your stuff in the pile or do you launder for him, too?

If he's coming round behind you as you work sabotaging what you've already done, where's the teamwork, exactly? And I'm at a loss to see how your pregnancy hormones triggered his selfish behaviour. I wouldn't be rushing back apologising for what he did.

prawnonthebarbie · 27/09/2019 07:51

God yes leave him. This will only get worse when the baby comes. You can't have your child witnessing this.

Nanny0gg · 27/09/2019 07:55

Leave. You are not a maid or a nanny and he's a pug.

You will be much better off.

NearlyGranny · 27/09/2019 08:00

Whose name is on the house - you said it was your front room? Who supports his existing children?

Perhaps he needs his marching orders. If your job is already supporting four, it will be easier with two

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 27/09/2019 08:01

Echoing all of the other posters- unfortunately he’s showing you his true colours and would likely get worse as time goes on if he were given the chance. Take the opportunity now, you’ve dodged a bullet imo. He doesn’t respect you & isn’t very nice- that’s not an environment for a newborn baby to be in.
When the baby is born make sure you register them yourself & I’d seriously consider not naming him on the birth certificate- makes things easier for you.
Take care of yourself Flowers

Thornhill58 · 27/09/2019 08:08

You most have many other issues to feel like leaving.
I'm not sure what mh issues would make anybody act like a twat.
He escalated things very quickly. You most feel on edge.

Myriade · 27/09/2019 08:08

MH problems or not, he has no right to behave that way.

Just leave him. Tell him that’s fine and that you will check tomorrow that the claims are separated (and that if they aren’t, you will do it yourself).
Go back to the house with someone and pick all your stuff up.

I’m assuming you aren’t married??

Oh and d9nt forget to claim child maintenance too!

Stuckinanutshell · 27/09/2019 08:41

Stay for the baby’s sake? No! I can’t see how the child would benefit from a man like this.

ControversialFerret · 27/09/2019 08:51

Whose house is it? If it's yours then boot him out. If it's his then leave - now.

Nanny0gg · 27/09/2019 09:23

Pug? Pig!

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 27/09/2019 09:25

He will get 100% worse when the baby arrives. He will do nothing.

He sounds like a lazy, useless scrounged tbh. Why did the mother of his other children leave him? For the same reasons, I bet.

cees · 27/09/2019 09:27

Its good you know how much he values you, not a lot as it turns out. Leave, things can only improve.

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 27/09/2019 09:29

*scrounger

firstimemamma · 27/09/2019 09:38

LTB