To hate being a mum most of the time?

[notanotherone28]

It's draining me to death. I'm sick of the sleepless nights, I'm absolutely exhausted. Always seems like as soon as I close my eyes, he wakes up.

It feels like a chore, just one hard slog all the bloody time.

Somebody please tell me it gets better

How old are your children?

@stopgap He's 5 months, so I know he's only young but he's being so difficult at the moment. He never seems content.

Ah, that can be a rough time. The days are long. Sympathies. It does get better, but it would be ideal if you could find ways to help you get through each day now.

Who do you have around you for support? Aside from proper sleep all night, what would help make you feel more human and not a robot?

I know it’s a complete cliche but the things that helped me around that age were:

• rest when the baby sleeps (spent months on my phone or doing chores before I finally heeded that advice)
• bf laying down
• cosleeping, since it helped my baby sleep longer
• eating lots of freezer meals
• go outside every day, even if it’s just a walk down the street. Bonus points if you can have an adult conversation though.

Hang in there, it will get better but also please do look for ways to feel better in the meantime.

Should also say, babywearing was brilliant. It helped to calm him down a lot. But do whatever your baby likes to keep calmer and don’t worry about making a rod for your back or any such nonsense. Just get through now!

Ah, yes. That can be a ghastly time. My eldest had silent reflux, which didn’t ease off until he was 14 months, so pretty much his entire first year was an exercise in endurance and crying (both of us).

I second the baby wearing recommendation and getting as much fresh air for the pair of you, even when you’re bone tired. And if you have family close by or a willing friend, see if they’d take the baby out for an hour or two while you sleep. I also found a B vitamin complex to be really helpful in giving me a non-jittery energy boost.

It does get better, and I’m happy to report that my eldest son is now 8 and a really lovely kid.

Yes it gets better I promise. I felt exactly like you. I will go as far to say I despised being a parent and all the relentless exhaustion that went with it and spent many nights wishing I hadn’t done it. (Although never stopped living my kids)

Eventually between 2 - 3 years it becomes a joy. I promise. 5 months is an extremely tough age. Just hang in there. It’s not forever.

Very hard going stage. They want milk continually as getting hungrier, ready to wean. I weaned early at 5m for my sanity and because both of mine started helping themselves to food at that point. Once on 3 square meals they sleep better even if they make a lot of mess. Don’t loose heart. I think we all have that point where we think ‘is this really my life?’ Perpetual tiredness wears you down but they do sleep longer as they get bigger.

It does get better I promise. Try to find little joys in each day and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Have"lazy days" in front of the tv in your pjs, order takeout for dinner if you can't be bothered to cook. I found that when I was finding things hard it was because I was putting pressure on myself and when I stopped doing that I found things so much easier and more enjoyable.

Also as a PP said, maybe consider early weaning? I did with my DD. I was BF for 6 weeks but had to stop due to sheer exhaustion. She went onto formula and within a couple of weeks the midwife recommended hungry baby formula. By 5m she was ready for solids and it totally changed her sleeping pattern and she practically slept through from then on.

It definitely gets better OP! Hang in there, lots of great advice above. Good luck x

It gets better and you will sleep again
If your BF, would you switch to formula?
Is there dp who can do a few nights or a friend who can stay over and do a night of feeds and settling for you so you can sleep?
As soon as you put him down to nap, lie down, even if it just on couch in front of the tv, dont worry about washing up or cleaning, it can wait, it will wait.
Dont feel bad about using shortcuts, ive known someone who used paper plates for a bit as it was one less load of washing up at night and that meant the world to her.

Hang in there

@squeekums the paper plates idea is brilliant lol
I think my life got a whole lot easier once my LO went into his own room and started sleeping longer/through the night he's 9 months now and life seems that little bit easier

amber beads praps.......and no matter how shitey crabit n scunnered you are actually feeling..try and focus on your breathing, lulling..,calm mum=less tetchy baby sometimes..they are only toomfy wee for such a short time...talk in soothing tones,about anything at all .its NOT the most natural thing in the world.first time round i was....traumatised(from long labour,no baby experience at all-had to call my ma and ask if they wore hats all the time,like even in their own house!) even tho sounds ridiculous try and get into a vague routine..even if just,washn face n change grosuit in a.m..walk in pram somepoint during the day,ten mins makes a difference..n after your t do bath n settle..it'll gel together bit by bit..do you have support?xx

I was completely miserable between months 4 and 6 - I've actually blanked it out. The newborn phase is truly behind you, the visitors have disappeared, the sleep is dreadful, and it all just feels completely thankless and relentless. I hear you! My daughter is only 8 months old, so I'm still in the trenches, but you may find (as I did) that things improve as he starts to become a bit more responsive, able to sit and play, and once you start weaning. My girl still doesn't sleep (I'm not on Mumsnet at 3.30am for nothing!) but I certainly find all the slog a bit more bearable now. Good luck and hang on in there!

There is an app called 'Wonder Weeks' that tells you when baby is likely to be fussy and irritable based on when they are going through 'leaps' (developmental changes).

I found it helped me mentally to be able to justify to myself why my little one was being fussy. At 5 months you are probably just coming out if the 4 month sleep regression which is a killer. Hang on in there xx

YABU in my opinion

Try and ask your support network for a bit of help whether it be Mum, MIL, friend. Once you’ve got the few hours break forget the to do list and do whatever makes YOU relax and feel happy. You have to make time for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. Or try not to as it’s easier said then done sometimes.

Having that little break always puts me in a better place and more able to manage when things are overwhelming.

Yanbu, babies are awful. Children are marvellous, just slog through this bit and you'll enjoy the next 18 years far better!

@Basil90 that's not helpful in the slightest. I am where you are OP...my first baby is 5 months old. Nights are tough at the moment and they are impacting on the daytime. Everything is harder when you are exhausted. Do you have many mum and baby groups/sessions where you are? I notice that my days are much better when I manage to get out to a group. I struggle to make friends and find that structured groups help me more than just 'free play'. Do you have a DP? Recently I have started handing my DS over to my DP in the morning and he can watch him whilst he is getting ready and having breakfast etc. This gives me just over an hour or so of solid sleep...this is really helping. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

I'm with @TheFastandCurious (great name!)
I will go as far to say I despised being a parent and all the relentless exhaustion that went with it and spent many nights wishing I hadn’t done it. (Although never stopped living my kids)

Except that i despised it for a lot longer. but that there were some fantastic times in all the doom and gloom and they were the things i hung on for.

It really does get better and there are some absolutely fantastic highlights about being a parent that really do make it all worthwhile. And that is the faint glimmer you have to hang on to while it is all relentless and, frankly, horrible.

Mine are now adults and a lot of the awfulness has faded right away. But the highlights, i remember those as if they were yesterday.

I didn't like the baby stage. Exhausting and relentless. Now mine are 8 and 6 it's so much easier and more fun. Hang in there!

Thanks everyone, we had a difficult night. I've barely slept and he's refusing to nap now.

I don't have much support, not living with the baby's dad at the moment (it's complicated) and my parents work full time.

We do go to a baby class every week, but even sometimes that can feel like a chore and he usually ends up crying a lot during the session.

It seems unfair that dads have it a lot easier than the mums.

I think that was probably my lowest point. Still in the 4 month sleep regression so no decent stretches overnight, I was on my knees and that was with a supportive partner. Doing it all on your own must be incredibly so tough.

Hang on in there, it will get easier, and probably pretty soon. I think at that stage I was still using a carrier for naps. Not great as it meant I never got much time without the baby on me, but she definitely slept longer which at least gave me something of a mental break.

@Basil90
YABU in my opinion

How nasty, not everyone copes well with babies, they draining, relentless, thankless
Think yourself DAMN LUCKY you could cope and made it through in your ivory tower

Maybe you should keep your nose out of threads like this, there no need to make the OP feel worse than she already does

Sounds like your baby's dad isn't pulling his weight which makes it all the more exhausting. You poor thing. You don't need relationship stress on top of the sleep hell babies put you through at this age.