Aibu to control the finances?

[TipToeToothFairy]

I'm not great with money, DP is worse.
We have a shared bank account in to which both our wages go. A joint mortgage. Joint cc debt. He has 2 loans in his name only.

Neither of us has expensive hobbies. Both say we are committed to getting debt free (including loans in next few years).

ATM neither really controls the money. We both have cards to spend from joint account but he is more frivolous than I am.

He wants to change his hours at work which would reduce our income by a few hundred a month. I don't mind as I think it would be better for him. However, I don't think he'll change his spending and I don't want to be going overdrawn every month.

If it were a female friend saying her partner controls the money and gives her an allowance is think he was controlling and mean. However, I can see debt spiralling rather than being cut down if I don't.

Would I be awful doing this or can anyone else see another way? Simply expecting him to be more responsible hasn't worked for the past 15 years so I can't see relying on that being a feasible option

You could transfer a certain amount of "fun"/frivolous spending money into each of your personal accounts each month so you have the same amount to spend (which would limit his spending) and say the joint account money is all allocated - you could transfer what would normally be left over /what he would spend frivolously into savings at the start of the month so it's not there to spend.

If you both discuss it & both agree on a set monthly allowance each, it’s not controlling finances if you simply are the one executing it.
Controlling is when there is no agreement and no real discussion.

We’re a bit like you and I’ve taken control.

I made a spreadsheet with all wages and bills on it to show the excess each month. Bills go out by direct debit.

I’ve set a budget for food and fun and have started to get cash out for this - I’ve banned us using our debit cards and once the cash is gone it’s gone.

Any excess can then be paid off debts etc...

Whilst convenient, I find debit cards mean it’s too easy to lose track of spending, particularly if used for small amounts (coffees, lunch at work etc). Banning use if the cards has made such a difference.

Sorry, realise that’s not what you’ve asked but someone needs to take the lead to sort the money out of its joint accounts and if he’s happy for it to be you, why not ?

That's useful..I was thinking of doing the same. He just spent £28 in the co-op, he couldn't have done that with cash, he went for food bags

I’d be inclined to say don’t opt to earn less if you have debt to clear.

As for running the finances just make it fair x amount on the weekly shop, x amount for each of you per wk

Thing is he earns more so if we split everything down the middle he'd have money to burn and I'd be struggling.

I'd normally agree on not earning less but he's got health issues and they might be improved by medication but he can only take it if not working nights. It's dropping nights that mean losing money.