To be pissed off?

[RealhousewifeofEngland]

I’ve just got home and had a blazing row with “DH” about the state of the house. He has been working from home all day. I got home to find the dishwasher overflowing with dirty stuff as he hadn’t put it on. Dirty cups, yoghurt pots lying around. Dirty baking trays left in the oven. Kids school uniforms still in the dryer from where I put them in this morning. We had tradesmen in first thing this morning and they’ve moved some furniture - it’s still where they moved it.

DH is just lying on the bed watching tv. When I got mad for the fact he clearly hasn’t lifted a finger all day he claimed he was “going to do it”. But it’s the same story every time I go out. He wouldn’t have done it. He’d have left it and then gone off to work in the morning. So I’d end up doing it, which is exactly what has happened tonight. Otherwise I’d get up in the morning to complete chaos. No clean things to make breakfast, kids not dressed because they can’t find their uniform etc.

I’m just so fed up of feeling like nothing gets done unless I do it, or nag him to do it.

It was hardly housework! Turning on a full dishwasher. Throwing wrappers in a bin and taking the kids uniforms out of the dryer. He had 2 full hours after finishing work to do all of this.
He wasn’t managing the tradesmen either - they were here first thing for half an hour and left just as I went to work.
And even working from home you get a bloody lunch break. Though his days seem to consist of lying on the bed with his laptop open while he watches tv.

He was working from home all day (rather interrupted by tradesmen in the morning), then he presumably picked up kids from school, fed them and got them to bed. I think I might have felt like a break before starting again on the housework

^this

X post. For me WFH means less breaks and fills all available time including ignoring the kids quite a lot when they are home! If WFH is an epic skive as you describe then YANBU.

Don't pick up after him.
Ignore the mess.

Sorry but I think some posters are being willfully obtuse. WFH, no matter how busy, does not preclude tapping a button on a dishwasher, or pulling out dry washing and folding it..as I said above, these can get done while boiling a kettle. School run is something that all working parents have to fit in one way or another. No one is suggesting that the WFH parent should do all the housework, be cleaning bathrooms or hoovering, but tiny tasks like chucking yoghurt pots in a bin yes. Worst case is thatvthey don't do it, but then when the WOHM parent gets back, they both tackle the housework together. They've both done a work day, hers longer than his in this instance, so then why should she have yo spend more time doing all the chores?

I have this both at home and at work. Drives me mad!
DH doesn't "see mess" and will happily live by washing each plate as and when it's needed. Drives me potty. And to him the tumble dryer is like an extra drawer for clothes to live in.
At work, we've just lost our cleaner and suddenly I've noticed what she puts up with from the lads. Plates and cups piled up high next to an empty dishwasher, coffee machine still on and full of coffee from the day before etc. I don't drink coffee but I used to pop the machine on for the lads in the morning (I'm in first) but stopped when I realised they didn't empty it and clean it at the end of the day. They can deal with that in the morning when they want their brews. I am no and will not become their housekeeper

All of the little jobs that he didn’t do took me 15 mins when I got in. But I shouldn’t have had to do them. He claims he was going to do them - but when?!
It’s 9.15 and already today I have dressed and fed both kids, fed pets, unloaded dishwasher, reloaded with all the crap he left out last night ( he made himself food after our row), showered myself, done the school run, done the nursery run, filled car with petrol ( he always leaves it almost empty!), got cash out to pay our cleaner who arrives this morning and bought bread. I’m now off to work myself.
He has got up, showered, had coffee and gone to work.

So yes it’s a pattern of him being an utter lazy bastard, which is what I told him last night.

Come on, stacking the dishwasher and tidying up after yourself is not 'housework', it's just part of being a grown up

Yanbu OP

he sounds like a dick..

The bigamyst remark means, our DH's are so alike we could be married to the same man.

He sounds a lazy arse and you sound like you're enabling him... why oh why did you do all the chores when you got home? When he said last night he was going to do it, why didn't you leave him to do it. No wonder he never does anything, you do it for him.

Tonight don't bother cooking him tea, make yours and dc and when he asks say you'll get round to it then sit down, same with washing his clothes etc. He'll never step up whilst all he has to do is ignore it and you do it.

Because I know from experience that he wouldn’t do it. It would have made this morning even more manic than usual. He’d go off to work saying that he would get around to it once he gets home tonight.

The stuff the OP described isn't 'housework', she's not asking him to clean the bathroom - she wants him to keep his living space clean (in the same way, presumably, he'd have to keep his office space clean if he were at work?).

It's a lack of respect thing ultimately. He feels like his time is more important than yours, so you can spend your time clearing up whereas he needs to use his for other things. Or he's a lazy fucker. Or both.

@Aprilsinparis You are married to a bigamyst😕

I don't understand your comment. A bigamist is someone who is married to more than one person - what does that have to do with housework?

@Aprilsinparis never mind I just saw your reply

@marblesgoing Marbles' post is an example of teamwork in action.

OP YANBU!

Maybe April's post autocorrect intervened... maybe it was supposed to read 'big arse'!

Sincere apologies to April - am guilty of not RTFT...