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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about car seat?

39 replies

intraining · 26/09/2019 20:20

My DD is 26 months old. She was with her dad and MIL today and decided to use MIL's car for short journey. MIL has a car seat in there which is a Group 2 car seat. DD is slightly below the weight requirements and my understanding is that these car seats (that use the main seat belt) are for 4 year olds plus?!!! My partner won't back down that he made a bad decision letting our DD use the car seat and that she looked fine in it. Should I mention to MIL that I don't want her to use seat?

OP posts:

haveuheard · 26/09/2019 22:11

@BottleCrow Personally, because a close family member suffered 'life changing injuries' in a car accident that wasn't their fault and that they had no control over. So yes, I know the legislation and I know what is recommended above legislation because it is so bloody pathetic. My 8 year old can explain why using a car seat is a good thing and how the belt needs to fit before you don't need one, because you can be the same height in different cars and need a car seat in one and not the other because of seat angles etc.

I think the question should be why aren't all parents (who drive!) more knowledgeable about car seat safety? I still see local infant school age children being driven around without even a belt on let alone a car seat.

IseeAnnoyingPeople · 26/09/2019 22:25

YANBU. MY DS is one year old and we want to keep him rear facing as long as possible. My PIL got car seat for him to keep it in their car. They have done the "research" and got forward facing because it says its okay to use it from 9 months 😧 they never even mentioned anything about getting one so i was really surprised and annoyed as well.
When i said we want to keep DS rear facing as long as possible and legally he needs to be 15months to go in forward facing (done the research 🤦🏻‍♀️) they got annoyed with me! And when i questioned it why they didn't ask what kind of car seat would be good to get, or is it okay to get forward facing car seat because lets face it when they had their kids it was 30 years ago the law changed and so everything else. They said that they thought it would be fine to use it.
I think as a parents its our decision to decide when our kids are going to go in forward facing car seat and i felt like they have made that decision for us. I was fuming and my partner couldn't understand why they should of asked what car seat to get.....eeerrrmmm because now the car seat its not going to be used until DS is ready to go in forward facing so probably another 2-3 years thatsss whyyy!!

wildflowersandweeds · 26/09/2019 22:32

@BottleCrow because in my work I've seen kids die because of rubbish seats or incorrectly used seats. There's nothing quite like handing over the body of a child to their distraught parents to make you a car seat bore.

BottleCrow · 26/09/2019 23:34

I mean, car seats are important, as is healthy eating and guard rails on balconies. But to be "obsessed" with these things and a "maniac" about car seats is pathological.

Have a car seat, of course! Follow the safety instructions, sure! Then go about your day. Why would this take up any more head space than that? It suggests a very barren life.

EmiliaAirheart · 27/09/2019 01:15

@BottleCrow, ffs, can you really not comprehend how awful it would be for @wildflowersandweeds and others to see children die or suffer lifelong injuries needlessly, to say nothing of how god awful it is for their parents and families?

Being unfailingly strict about car seat safety and going above the existing standards is the best way to avoid tragedy all around.

I’ll gladly devote a tiny bit of headspace to that over dealing with an endless fucking nightmare in my headspace that would result from a serious crash.

BottleCrow · 27/09/2019 06:43

@EmiliaAirheart But where does it end? Doctors see children dying from poor nutrition and falls off balconies and ingesting poisons all the time. It's correct to be aware of safety and safety-proof accordingly. But being obsessed with child seats is just sad - why not just spend a fee hours researching a seat, install it correctly and move on? Why does it need more headspace than that? Your child in that scenario is just as safe as if you had done the same but been a childseat "maniac".

Soontobe60 · 27/09/2019 06:54

For all those parents out there who are annoyed that their parents haven't bought the correct car seat for an occasional journey for their grandchild, why have you not bought the seat yourself? Seats are bloody expensive, and the choice is an absolute minefield. All you need to do is nip to Halfords or Mothercare with your parents, ask an advisor, and buy the seat, which they will also fit for you!
Don't be annoyed that they haven't bought the correct one, go and get it for them!!
Ps, I just bought the same seat that my DD has for my DGS so I know it's right. From Halfords. She did offer to pay for it, but I didn't mind paying myself.

Soontobe60 · 27/09/2019 06:57

Also, what really makes me laugh is those who have a big car and expensive seats for their child's safety and then take ages putting said child in the car on the road side, rather than the pavement side, risking being hit by a passing vehicle. I've even seen them stand one child next to them whilst they get out another!

TokenGinger · 27/09/2019 07:32

@BottleCrow I've spent my few hours researching and I know what car seats have rated highest in safety tests and which seats I can use to rear face DS until he's 25kg. That's as much space as it occupies on a daily basis.

By maniac, I mean I'll spread that message wherever I can. If I see a friend FF a child at 9 months because they think it's the done thing, I'll tell them. I'll share posts on social media if I see a particularly helpful one.

It's absolutely shocking the amount of people I see posts pics of their children in FF car seats knowing how much safer they'd be RF.

I think it's a huge issue that midwives, health visitors, health care professionals don't warn about this in the same way as they do safe sleeping for example. Many parents don't even know that rear facing until 25kg/6 years old is even a thing and if people can share that message to educate others and keep more children safe, then that's great.

SciFiRules · 27/09/2019 08:11

@soontobe60 with two children to get into the car one will always be roadside! Try slowing down as you pass!

Soontobe60 · 27/09/2019 12:51

I don't drive like a maniac!
When my DDs were little, I would get the buggy out, get the little one out into the buggy then lean across and get the bigger one out through the same door. I appreciate that if you've got twins or children very close in age that's not always possible, but I would always find a safe place to get them out of the car. It's not hard!

Coconutbug · 27/09/2019 15:51

@Soontobe60

Yes car seats are expensive and a mindfield. That being said Halfords and Mothercare aren't the best places to go for advice either.

I dont know about other posters but I did offer to buy both sets of grandparents a car seat if they didn't want to buy it themselves because it is important to me. I appreciate that some are trying to be helpful but I think when it comes to safety aspect it's important to ask the parents opinion on it. So much has changed in advice - even in just the 3 years between me having my 2 children I've noticed

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 27/09/2019 15:57

BottleCrow You seen obsessed with how other people are obsessed, would that suggest you are sad? Or have Barren life? Unlikely.

It's a thread about car seats, I won't have my DS in something that I haven't researched, or know the ins and outs of. That's as obsessive as it gets. Maniac, obsessed, extemist, it's just hyperbole for the fact that I care.

Windydaysuponus · 27/09/2019 16:02

Ask dh if she would look fine in a wheelchair...
He is a grade 1 tool.
Mil will be telling you cars didn't have seat belts in her day next...

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