Anyone regret their divorce?

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic.

Does anyone regret a separation that they initiated?

I am unhappily married. Lots of reasons but I don't particularly like my husband and I'm not getting much happiness out of our relationship. Lots of things have happened but a build up of resentment as he has treated me badly in the past and still does sometimes and isn't a great father to our 2 year old. We have been having difficulties and I dread coming home to him. I dread coming home from work. I perhaps only have some enjoyment with him if we do a family activity such as taking our little one to the park so it's only a few hours of enjoyment in a week of misery.

We are arguing and the marriage is almost over but I could salvage it if I wanted to.

My fear is being alone after divorce. My family live far away and I don't have any local friends. I hate my own company and struggle to be alone.

I have had depression in the past to the extent I was hospitalised and this was triggered by a relationship breakdown. I would like to think I am stronger than before but I was also diagnosed as having bpd characteristics so generally would struggle with change/being lonely.

Is that reason enough to stay with someone? Would I be more unhappy alone or in this marriage?

Has anyone regretted their decision?

I don't regret my divorce at all. I marvel that I managed 2 decades with him.
I was in the same situation after he left with only a couple of local friends so I've moved.
Got a job where I know people and sold up.
It's much better, I feel generally happy and there is lots to do.

If you have a chance of being happy then I think you should take it, although only you know whether you would be happier with or without him. With him, you’ll never know how the grass might be greener on the other side

Nope. Done it twice, regret neither.

Personally I don't regret divorcing at all - but for the first 18 months to 2 years afterwards I felt awful. I wouldn't say I wanted us to get back together but felt so alone, afraid and just lost. However, 5 years after the
divorce I met someone else who is wonderful and ,and we had 2 DS and are really happy together.

Since my separation nearly 2 decades ago the children have barely seen their father. We spent a long time living on benefits. I am a bit lonely actually, one child has left home, the other has nearly left. I haven't established a career, I've just job hopped. We have spent all this time living in a council house in an ok area, but not one of my choosing but I can't afford to move.

Do I regret splitting up? No way. Absolutely not.

Their father was never there for them anyway, no one belittles me or swears at me, no one hits me, they have had a stable upbringing in a pleasant residential area, the one who has left is at a good university, the one still here is happy in his job, I am investigating going to university myself to study something I've always hankered over. Yes I'm a bit lonely but tot be honest there's loads of stuff I could do to help myself, I just like lounging around at home too much .

I was going to ask something similar OP so I'll be following with interest.

I'm concerned it's a case of greener grass for me as I have a history of thinking like that and as such I don't trust my judgment and am frozen in indecision. I really hate the thought of turning my children's world upside down and, like you, I enjoy family days out. On those days I'm happy and think things can work out, but since he's a workaholic who rarely sees the DC from one end of the week to the next, the odd day out isn't enough to sustain my happiness with our set up.

Sorry I've hijacked your thread!

My second divorce has given me a new lease of life. The secret is to build yourself a supportive network of friends & family and make the most of your time alone. It's precious

No you don't regret it but it's tragic and sad for children

My H died before our divorce could complete, but do I regret ending the marriage? Hell no.

The longer I live in a normal, happy family with my two DDs (oldest has just gone off to uni), the more I see how dysfunctional we were, how much we were walking on eggshells around us, how little he did for us beyond going to work every day (and I worked full time too, earned the same as him, and did all the family and house stuff).

If I could have him back the way he was, before he dove into the bottle, I would - but that's wishful thinking. I am grateful every day for the harmonious and happy life I have now. I have the reserves now to help other people, I have a new job which is much tougher - but I have the energy to do it now.

Not one single regret.

R2G can I just say it isn't always tragic and sad for children? My DDs were terrified of their father and refused to see him after I made him leave. They have absolutely blossomed since it's been just the three of us.

What i took away from my divorce was that a marriage will only work when both partners want it to. If youre the only one trying or invested then it will be challenging and lonely.

I married very young, 21, and was divorced by 28. The whole thing was a massive mistake. Only regret ever marrying him in the first place. I bet he feels similar.

Same as Phoebesgift

I separated from my cheating husband last April. Met someone amazing in August of that year and so now I can't wait to be divorced. I was devastated at the time but I am now pleased what happened happened if that makes sense.

Not for a single second. Relieved every day to be shut of him and wish I had done it sooner.

but it's tragic and sad for children

I don't think this is necessarily true. My children's Dad was a womanising, selfish alcoholic who was rarely home. They barely noticed he was gone.

I don't miss my ex husband. I do miss my wonderful MIL and FIL, who I adored.

It's not tragic and sad for children. Not always.
My DD who is 8 adores my partner and he is a better influence than her real dad although he is still on the scene.
DD even said she is glad me and her dad split as she gets to meet lots of new people.

No. My life is harder on a very different way, but I've taught my dds not to put up with emotional and physical abuse.

My eldest has started to be a victim of his emotional abuse and she has strongly reacted to it. She can clearly see him for what he is.

She is 9. She was a proper daddy's girl. She is not a fan anymore but she seems him regularly and toes the line for the time being.

I feel guilty about it all the time. He had an affair and walked out. But they have felt a bereavement.

I'm v v close to my daughters. He has in a way given me this. I have much less money, much mess everything. But I give them time and understanding. Both he seems to fall v v short of.