Breasting. Co-sleeping. Naps

[DancingWithDogs]

My LO is 10 weeks old. I've got lots of questions. I don't know who to ask.. so MN it is.

When should I start trying to get into some kind of nap routine? Currently we go to bed at 7pm. Sometimes though I can't get baby to sleep until 9. No chance of leaving for some adult time downstairs.

When did your breast fed baby sleep longer at night?

When should I be putting baby down awake for naps?
Currently baby naps in the car/pushchair/sling/on someone, will wake when put down. NO MATTER HOW LONG I TRY, or how many times i get baby back to sleep. They still wake up. Same when I stop pushing the pushchair etc.

Night time - Currently LO falls asleep feeding and often wake up when put down. Eventually at some point in the night I get fed up of this and keep baby in bed with me.
Sometimes, when baby is in bed with me they suckle almost all night. Should I stop this? It seems like a bad habit. But I don't know how.

Co-sleeping. Wasn't something I planned to do. I don't really enjoy it. Not sure how I'll get her into her cot ever.

I don't know if I'm expecting too much to soon. Or if I'm making big mistakes that I'll regret soon.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job at a tough stage. Everything you’ve mentioned is totally normal infant behaviour. You can either continue baby led (which is what I did) in which case (in my experience, I’m sure it varies a lot) expect to co sleep for part of the night and bf at night (frequency will vary) until around age 2. Naps more consistent from about 6 months. Clawed some adult time back in the evening from around 8-10 months.

If this isn’t what you want then you can try various strategies to alter baby’s behaviour. They will have varying success depending on personality of your baby! I’m sure others will have great suggestions but I just wanted to reassure you that it all sounds normal!

People will tell you you're making a rod for your own back and that you're spoiling her and she needs to be independent - how you feel about what she's doing is the most important thing. Personally, and again others will disagree, if she naps well on you then let her nap on you. It won't last forever, and as she gets older she will gradually be able to sleep away from you. In terms of night time sleep, I think its too soon to be wondering how to get her into your own cot! Could you have some sort of next to me cot, so she is very close but also has her own space so you don't worry about her - if that removes some worry over co sleeping?

You're doing a brilliant job, and your baby feels safe with you, which is amazing! But it is also really hard and the want for some alone time/space is very very normal

Hi OP

I'd say 4 months for some sort of routine as I think there are too many variables like colic before this and those super long naps they sometimes have in the day and I dont think they really understand before this. Also at 10 weeks they naturally fall asleep while feeding and trying to fight this is point less. I think around 4 months both mine got themselves into a bit more of a routine naturally and also feeding didnt send them straight to sleep.

You can start having a bedtime routine then such as dimning lights at a certain time, quiet, bath, baby massage, reading a book, pjs on, bedtime song

White noise might help as you might be waking each other up if you're co sleeping.

I think when they start to get into a routine it's more about awake times. With my oldest, when she was about 14 15 weeks I noticed she started getting tired after being awake for about 2 hours. So I started putting her to bed then and timing feeds for when she woke up or middle of wake periods rather than the end. I just preserved with waiting til she was tired but not over tired, singing a bedtime song with a cuddle til she was drowsy, and putting her down awake, and over a couple of weeks it worked.

Saying that I tried the same with the next baby and it didnt work at all and we had to sleep train her when she was older so maybe actually completely ignoring anything I say is best! The sleep consultant we saw said 90pc of her clients are people with breastfed babies who feed for comfort in the night and fall asleep while feeding etc so you're not alone!

The baby. < twitches >

I wish I had chilled out with my first like I did with my second. Was totally exhausted with my son - so much conflicting advice. If I could go back and just co sleep, feed to sleep and cuddle for hours I would! Instead I spent all night trying to put him down and got pretty ill. I was a totally different person with my second. We co slept following safety advice, breastfed whenever and she went into own room at 9 months and was fine. Both of mine did sleep significantly better once they could roll onto their tummies

I found that around 3 months mine started to sleep 7-11pm so that’s when we introduced a bedtime routine. Before that they stayed downstairs with us until we went to bed.
We had a bedside cot so a mixture of co-sleeping and in the cot.

Everything moreismore said. (And what Alice said too!)

My daughter is 5 months and still has all her naps in the sling, 30 minutes on the dot until this past week when she's just started to be able to do an hour and go in the pram. You can get a little vibrating rocket ship doodad that straps to the pram and mimics pushing it if you want to sit down and get a coffee; or you can use your foot. (Once the baby will do pram naps. We're only just managing it.)

We're cosleeping. No strict routine; DD has settled into a natural 7pm-6/7am (with 1 million wake ups) night pattern; then gets tired every 1.5-2 hours in the day, so I constantly chuck her in the sling or pram. We were doing 6 naps, then 5, then 4. Just some days lately it's 3. Babies change all the time. She no longer feeds to sleep in the day, it's not really a habit you can force them to stop or keep in my experience, they just sort of do their own thing.

I think routines work really well for babies who can naturally fit into them. If the baby can't do it, eg won't do a two-hour nap (let alone in the cot!), it's massively stressful trying to force it and resettle and fail. Just as it's stressful trying to put a baby down who only wants to sleep on you. You're all warm and snuggly!

If your baby is waking up when put down, don't put them down! They'll be happier with more sleep; you get to sit down and eat biscuits. If you can't settle them til 9pm – my baby only started doing 7pm at 14 weeks – stay up til 9pm, why try to get them to bed earlier? As for sleeping longer at night... she started doing it. Then stopped

@OrangeSlices998 I should have been clearer. I have a next2me. I feed her and put her in, she wakes up. Repeat.
I'm worried that she'll be too used to sleeping with me, to ever go into her cot, because the next2me isn't even getting much use right now.

@burritofan I think 7 has come around because of colic.. she'll fall asleep then. Its probably me trying to put her down which means it takes till 9.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I think I just need to chill out and not worry. I know she won't be small for long. And there's not a one size fits all when it comes to these things

Ah okay. I think the best thing I or anyone can say is responding to your babies needs is not a bad thing. Being close to her she needs is not making a rod for your own back, it’s responding to your baby.

However.

If what you’re experiencing is causing you distress or anxiety or you’re unhappy then you can adapt your routine to see what may work better for you. However, no mum (I don’t think) ever says ‘I wish I had cuddled my baby less’ and I think if that reassures you what you’re doing is okay then remember that.

Please don’t worry when she’s so little about her going into her own cot. It’ll happen, when she’s older and you can (and you will do one day) put her down for a nap you can do it in her cot and gradually get her used to it, when the time is right.

My baby is 23 weeks and I could have written your post. I stressed about not having a routine at the start but in the end have just continued as we are. I'm pretty much led by what she wants to do and a starting to see a pattern emerge in our day/ night. I try to forget the whole 'rod for your own back' thing and just think of it as responding to my baby as a pp said. Like I was told, no adult feeds through the night or climbs into bed with mum so they obviously all grow out of it 😂! I get that for a variety of reasons that wouldn't be practical or sustainable for everyone, but not having any expectations and just going with the flow has made the whole experience much more enjoyable.