Feeling stressed about work/home situation

[silly0ne]

Hello,

NC for obvious reasons.

Not one of my immediate family is in paid employment. This is not a moan, there are legitimate reasons for each member not working. My husband (who does not live with me) receives ESA for a long standing disability, my eldest son is also unfit to work (at the moment) and my youngest son (18) has an anxiety disorder and is actively looking for training and work opportunities.

However, I am about to start my fourth part-time job. It is quite a demanding role and involves a little travel to various locations within a 20 mile radius of home, using public transport because I do not drive.

I expected to feel a little anxious about the new role, but, to my dismay, I am beginning to doubt my ability to carry out this new role.

My youngest son needs constant reassurance e.g. that no-one is hiding in the house, that everything is switched off and doors are locked and he needs help constructing job applications and so on. My husband will come to our house every day and he needs to vent. My role seems to be to calm him down and put his worries into perspective so he can carry on his day and my eldest son (bless him) is in residential care, but likes to have long telephone conversations to help me clear his mind. I also accompany him to voluntary work once a week and this may not be possible when I take on my new post (I am trying to work out a way where I can still keep up this commitment).

The new role will involve being away from the house for approximately 20 hours a week and (perhaps ironically) involves working with clients with mental health needs. The pay is not magnificent, but it will help me to pay the bills.

My other jobs are largely home-based so, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable to consider taking on this new position and hoping it will help my family members to become more self sufficient.

I realise I may just be overthinking things at the moment, but any opinions may help me get things in perspective.

Thanks.

Gosh I think you need a break

Is there a reason your husband can’t live at home and take off some of the mental load with your youngest? Can he accompany your eldest to his voluntary work each week?

Hello,

Thank you for the replies (and the flowers!). Mt husband cannot live with my son due to his (my husband's) inability to cope with my son's difficulties (which led to heavy intervention from SS). It is a similar situation with respect to his relationship with our eldest son.

I am about to leave for the first appointment and, I think, this may be a case of 'try it and see'. That is to say, if the new role proves to have too many negative effects for my sons, then I can give it up. I just do not like the idea of letting down vulnerable clients.

The other 3 jobs... please don’t take this the wrong way but you say they’re from home- are they “proper” jobs? Or are you I dunno, making wedding invites to sell or similar?

I ask as I used to make the mistake of juggling multiple part time jobs. Often it’s far more efficient to just have 1 full time job.

Aside from that YANBU. Sounds like you need to get out the house. I don’t know how you’re doing it

Hello,

Yes, they are jobs. One is contracted with an online distance tuition provider, the other is 'gig' economy with an online training provider, but work is plentiful and the other is agency work, again online tuition. So far, they have provided a regular income, but it sort of covers basics.

You are correct, juggling part time jobs is stressful in itself. Yet, I cannot find an employment opportunity that fits around the family's needs.

It's normal to feel nervous about a new job and have doubts but it sounds like you have a vast wealth of experience with MH issues to draw on. You may enjoy getting out of the house and away from the pressures of family. Could the service supporting your eldest get funding to provide him with a helper so he can do his volutary work?

Is your teenager getting some talking therapy help for his OCD tendencies etc? Could you help him in the evenings with his training search and maybe drop some of the homeworking? I would time limit your eldest son's calls to say 20 minutes each time as they must be very draining, you could say the timer for food has gone off, the phone battery failing etc and after a short time he will be used to these shorter calls. You need to start making yourself a bit less available.

You sound amazingly strong and caring

Would one bigger job be better? I think that would be much more manageable than 4 part time roles. You'll be spread too thin. Look after yourself.

Hello,

I have just got back from the first session in the new job and it went really well, so I am feeling less stressed. However, there is still quite a bit of travelling to do over the next week as well.

Yes, one job would be better, I think. However, had to leave my old job a few years ago when problems in the family made going out to work on a full time basis made full tome work outside the home untenable.

I would like to thank everyone for the support given this morning. It is so helpful to have somewhere to express my fears and anxiety without destabilising my husband and sons.

The client I worked with today was lovely and this, and the support from this thread, has given me a lot of extra resilience.

Thank you

That’s really positive OP. You sound like a strong woman

Glad the day went well. You sound like an amazingly strong woman.
On a practical note, have you considered an electric bike for commuting? Not always usable in winter, but might give you more flexibility than public transport on days when the weather is reasonable. Your employer might be in the cycle to work scheme, where you can purchase a bike cheaply.

Or if you’re a better woman than me, a non- electric bike!

Does anyone look after you, OP?

Sounds like you have a lot of people draining your reserves.

I’m glad your first day went well.

Hello,

With respect to my youngest son, he was diagnosed with GAD when he was 15 and had a short course of CBT. The CBT was withdrawn because he would not engage with the sessions. His anxiety seems to be rather severe at the moment and I am trying to support him to see the GP, just to see if there is anything that will take the edge off it.

I think it is going to be possible to keep up the voluntary work with my eldest. I am happy about this because I do enjoy his company.

I could cycle to one of the venues, but I think I would have to get a bit fitter first. The bus takes about an hour each way due to traffic and congestion. I am taking the train to another town today, so that should be a shorter journey time.