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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable

4 replies

Mimi041974 · 25/09/2019 21:02

49Mimi041974

Am I being unreasonable. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last Wednesday, and had surgery on Monday. My husband and I have been together for 23 years, therefore I am close to his mum and stepdad, and I thought I was also close to his dad and stepmom, and half sisters and brother. I have twin 10 year old girls, through IVF, we went through a lot until we eventually had the twins. So as a family we have been through quite a bit. Also my dad passed away last year from Cancer, and my husbands mum recently had to have a double mastectomy so the word Cancer is a very scary word to our family. When I found out on Wednesday about the Cancer I phoned my mum, my hubby's mum and then his dad, where his dad passed me immediately over to my husband's stepmom. I told her that I had Cancer and that I was having surgery on Monday. After which she said she would be in touch, she never asked how our girls were, or spoke to.my husband. It is now a week later, my surgery was on Monday, and they have only just phoned now. Over the last few days I have had family members and friends getting in touch in numerous ways, through social media, text, phone calls etc to check how we are. Not once did my husbands half sisters etc.. contact me or message me, or respond to.other Facebook messages people have sent me, and then when my husbands step mum rang today, she asked how I was I explained that I was in pain from the surgery, to which she responded with 'so it was Cancer then?' So I noted that I'd already told her that the week before, I then discussed how I was upset that nobody had phoned my hubby to see how he was, or how the kids were, how nobody has contacted me at all. I said it felt that they really didn't seem to care, she then asked if I meant them too, and I said, yes, a little bit, to which she responded with ' well if that's how you feel, bye and take care' and put the phone down on me. They know that I'm waiting for my histology results to see if the Cancer was aggressive. I feel really bad about it, particularly for my hubby and kids. Was I unreasonable. Xx

OP posts:
IfIKnewThenWhatIKnowNow · 25/09/2019 21:07

Firstly, I’m so sorry for all that you and your family are going through right now 💐

No, Yanbu! Good for you for calling out this behaviour and shame on them for being so uncaring when you need them most.

Teagoanngoanngoann · 25/09/2019 21:36

Im sorry you are all going through this right now. YANBU. You are feeling very low and vulnerable right now and you told her how you were feeling and she responded terribly. Hopefully she will come to her senses and realise what an insensitive twat she is being when you need her most. Sending hugs and keeping everything crossed for the most positive results for you and your family.

Idontwanttotalk · 25/09/2019 21:36

OP, I am really sorry that you have such a horrid health issue and pray that all the cancer has been removed and that you make a full return to good health.

I'm not sure you aren't being a little over-sensitive though in regard to your DH's family. The op was on Monday and it is only Wednesday today. They have rung you to see how you are, only to be criticised for not getting in contact sooner.

I probably wouldn't have rung before your surgery as I would be allowing you and your immediate family time to discuss things together, be upset etc. I wouldn't ring straight away after the op either as I would be concerned that, because the thyroid is in your neck, that it may be too sore for you to talk.

Clearly husband's stepmum thought the operation was perhaps exploratory otherwise she wouldn't have asked if it was definitely cancer.

She probably feels hurt and a bit angry that you think they don't care. She obviously does care otherwise she wouldn't have bothered ringing you yet.Try not to fall out over this. Having family to support you is very important.

Your poor husband too - having both his mum and wife with cancer at the same time.

I hope your histology results come back quickly. I know how difficult it can be waiting in limbo for them.

Mimi041974 · 26/09/2019 08:15

I did think that, even though I did tell them on the Wednesday when I found out that it was Cancer and the op was on Monday. It wasn't that she waited until yesterday to find out how the op had gone that hurt me, it was that she had from the Wednesday to the Monday to ring my husband up to ask him how he was or how the kids were, or to even wish me good luck for the op, but there was nothing xxx All my friends my family, and the family on my husband's mum's side managed it, even if just a text xx I do feel hurt about it. Maybe I am being over sensitive xx

OP posts:
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